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WHAT'S INSIDE: You're with a woman and she seems to like you...but it's always YOU who is picking up the phone to call, sending the first text, and the like. Is it still safe to say she's interested?
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IT'S TIME
I talk to men every day about women, sex and relationships.
What I hear are the same sticking points.
Different guys describe the same issues, often thinking they're the only ones out there experiencing them.
But plenty of you guys also keep running into the same problems over and over again.
I understand how we tend to put important things off, hoping they'll get better on their own.
If you do that with your career, you could go broke.
If you do that when you should see a doctor, you may lose your life.
But we're particularly prone to putting off getting this part of our life handled.
You know...the part where we get better with women and start "living the dream" with them.
It all culminates, of course, with beating the odds and welcoming the best woman you've ever met into your life.
Simply put, if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got.
Now is the time to turn this ship around.
It all starts with a 25-minute call with me to talk about the right plan of action for you:
https://mountaintoppodcast.com/coach
This intro call won't cost you a dime. And I'm just as down-to-earth as you expect me to be.
Make it happen. It's time:
https://mountaintoppodcast.com/coach
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hey Scot,
I don't know if you have time to reply but I have a question.
I recently meet a woman on Match.com. We started with a few emails then with an online chat that lasted about an hour and a half.
We talked on the phone twice for a total of about 3 hours.
We have gone out three times, I really like her and honestly I don't remember the last time I had such a great connection with someone.
My concern is that it seems to be a little one sided. I really do think she likes me because when we are together she is very affectionate towards me, but it seems like when we are not together I am the only one trying to make contact.
I may call her or send her a "good morning" text or a "how was your day" text. I have only received one text like that from her, and we have been talking for over three weeks.
Am I reading too much into it?
Also, is three really great dates enough time to suggest that we try to make it a little more serious? Or should I just let things progress naturally? Thanks.
Andrew (Denver, CO)
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Hello Andrew. Great questions, man.
First, to address your main concern, there's not necessarily anything to worry about. Plenty of women are taught to let the man take the lead when it comes to initiating interaction.
If it really eats at you, go ahead and acknowledge it to her just to see how she reacts.
For example, "I've noticed you're very traditional, preferring the man take the lead when it comes to phone calls and things like that."
Note that you aren't complaining, challenging or worrying. You're simply stating a fact.
Also note that you're confidently calling out the "elephant in the room", like we've talked about before in this newsletter, rather than "running away" from the issue.
If she flat-out hasn't realized you're doing all the calling and texting, it may be because it's simply her unconscious habit when relating to men.
If so, that's not unusual for women who have been raised around traditional thinking from a young age.
Be careful if that's the situation, though. She may launch into a stream of "I'm sorrys" if she senses you may be displeased. This tends to be an all but de facto practice among women, doesn't it?
Although saying "I'm sorry" a lot can be a sign of low self-esteem if it occurs often enough, she may genuinely feel in this scenario that she's let you down.
On the other hand, she may openly acknowledge that she's indeed been intentional about waiting for you to contact her first.
She may also be prompted at that point to ask you if you either like it that way or have a problem with it.
But at least you'll have reassurance that she's indeed like that rather than losing interest in you.
EITHER WAY she responds, it's important at that point to take the lead (as she wants you to anyway, naturally).
You can either reassure her that you like her old-fashioned outlook and find it refreshing, or suggest to her that it's perfectly okay if she calls or texts you first sometimes. You won't think any less of her if she does.
Whichever way you want to lead is up to you.
And if you get nothing more than "I don't know", or some sort of hesitation, it's time to watch carefully. Is she just being shy or is she hemming and hawing over the fact that she really isn't as into you as you think?
Watch the rest of her interaction with you carefully and connect the dots.
But in all likelihood, if your gut feeling is that she's indeed attracted to you, she's probably just "old school". You'll be fine.
As for how slow or fast you want to take things from there, you're the man. You lead. Your reality is manufactured by YOU.
The good news is she'll almost certainly be "old school" about that also.
If you are a man who has options and you think this woman is particularly terrific vis-à-vis others you've considered, then you'll have plenty of clarity when it comes to making her your steady girlfriend or not.
But feel free to take your time and enjoy all the steps on the path to getting to know each other well enough for that.
Remember always: It's when we're desperate to hold on to any woman who likes us and can fog a mirror that we're in trouble. Fear of loss tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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