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WHAT'S INSIDE: Here are five more particularly challenging situations where it's tough to meet a woman...and the solutions you need to do the right thing.
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HOW TO MEET A WOMAN...EVEN IN THE MOST CHALLENGING SITUATIONS YOU CAN THINK OF (PART TWO)
Sometimes you encounter a woman you just have to meet. The thing is the conditions aren't always going be optimal for getting the job done, right?
So you have two choices...either use that as an excuse to wimp out (that's the WRONG choice), or you man up and take every opportunity to invite a potentially terrific woman into your life (which is the CORRECT choice, right?)
Last time I gave you five examples of particularly challenging scenarios like that and how exactly to handle them.
Feedback from you was great on those, so here are the other five, as promised:
1) You've Got Very Little Time To Work With
The modern world is a busy one, so the chances are actually better than not that you'll have a narrow window of opportunity when it's time to meet a woman.
Beyond spotting a woman walking the other way on a busy street or on the train, like we talked about last time, you may notice a woman while waiting in line. She may even be the one HELPING you when it's your turn.
Or you may be finding your seat at a sports event, or running to catch a plane at LAX.
Or you may be on a business lunch and see her at another table--when you just can't justify time for anything more than excusing yourself to the restroom.
The situation doesn't matter. The procedure is the same.
You approach the woman in plain view, and confidently (as in audibly, without yelling) get her attention--even by just saying, "Excuse me."
Remember the "big four" here. You'll come off as a masculine man who knows what he wants, and the fact that you're clearly a confident man is likely to ignite her femininity at the core--immediately.
And because you are approaching her without startling her, you demonstrate that you know how to make her feel safe in your presence.
So how do you demonstrate character when time is limited? That's the most powerful part.
When you begin to speak to her you lead with exactly why you don't have time to talk, and that you're committed to what's going on elsewhere.
For example, "I'm actually at lunch with a client right now and only have a moment, but I wanted to meet you."
If it's flat-out obvious why you have no time, you only modify the statement slightly: "Clearly, there's people in line behind me and time is short."
Then you tell her your name, to which she'll likely respond with hers.
Having established that there's no time to work with, you tell her that it would be great to get her number so you can call her later when things aren't so rushed / under more casual circumstances / etc., at whichever time you tell her you will.
Importantly, do not ask her for her number.
Confidently suggest she give it to you because you don't have time to deal with her playing coy about it, and especially because your leadership is far sexier to her than uncertainty or sheepishness.
You'll be amazed at how often this works for you. And even if it doesn't, you won't have to live with the regret of having given up before you even attempted to be successful.
2) She's With Friends
This is one that guys get completely crossed-up over, isn't it?
I think the biggest mistake we make when we want to meet a woman who is with friends is that we single her out from the crowd too early.
This comes off as self-serving and even a bit pushy. It's anti-social no matter how you slice it.
Recall what I explained about the "big four" above. While it takes inherent confidence to approach a group of women, it takes a "Big Four" man to help everyone in the group feel comfortable with your presence.
So the idea here is to address everyone in the group, all while making it obvious that your presence is temporary.
In other words, you don't want to come off as trying to encroach upon their territory (presumably because you don't have any friends of your own).
The best way, then, to do this right is to have a purpose for talking to them.
One time when we were doing a podcast that involved getting women's thoughts on a particular topic, I approached a table full of women and told them (as opposed to asking demurely) that I valued their thoughts regarding a certain question.
Then, with voice recorder in hand, I asked each woman the question and bantered with her individually to the delight of the other women each time.
I knew immediately when a woman was enjoying the conversation I was having with her. After all, the whole point of approaching women is to start a conversation, right?
I was already with Emily at the time, of course, but from there it would have been easy to suggest that more conversation continue later...and I bet the other women would have suggested that she "go for it".
By the way, contrast this strategy with that of using a thinly veiled "opinion opener".
3) She's With Her Mom
Meeting the parents is a high-stress event that by all rights should take place sometime after you've been out with a woman at least a few times, correct?
Well, what if she's out with her Mom (or her Mom AND Dad!) when you spot her?
For sure, you could adapt what I suggested above in the second example to this situation as well (as you could for #4 below also, by the way).
But I'm not an unreasonable man.
Asking you to boldly approach a woman who's sitting with her parents is such high-end, advanced stuff that if you can pull yourself together to do it you probably should be writing newsletters yourself.
So hey, by all means if you want to position yourself so that you can make eye contact with ONLY her and not the 'rents--and then give her a look that says, "Hey, I'll meet you over there", then go for it.
Or if you want to wait until she inevitably excuses herself to the ladies' room, I understand. That could work for you also.
But guess what? Trying to avoid the parents could actually end up being more awkward than actually sacking up and approaching.
See what I mean?
So...can you pull it together and actually approach?
Here's how to make it way easier on yourself.
First, don't assume what the relationships are.
Allow yourself the slightest extra measure of "politeness" than you might usually approach with (the woman will credit this to you as "decorum", given her parents are around), excuse yourself for interrupting them, and ask how they know each other.
When it's established there really are parents involved, acknowledge that you figured that might be the case and introduce yourself to both (or all three).
Then...the magic starts. Briefly smile at the attractive woman with the world's slightest expression of "watch this", and talk to the parent(s).
Explain that you realize they're spending family time together, but that you couldn't help but notice that her/their daughter lights up the room.
Next, turn and talk to the woman. Assure her, perhaps with a light laugh, that you're the kind of man who knows how to respect a woman and that you think her parents would approve of you, so you'd like to speak to her later.
Then get her number.
And don't be surprised when her Mom (and maybe even her Dad also) encourage her to go ahead.
I've personally watched this happen with breathtaking effect and heard even more stories of similar results.
One time my own sister was approached by a waiter at a restaurant with both my Mom and Dad at the table (and even my little brother was there, if I remember!)
I think my Mom STILL talks about how amazing that "movie moment" was...even to her. I personally wasn't there, but I'd love to have seen it.
Parents want the best for their daughters. You are NOT unwelcome in their daughter's life unless you deserve not to be welcomed.
Might you encounter a psycho parent along the way? Perhaps. But then again, you might encounter the world's most effective wing instead.
4) She's With A Guy
In many ways, this can be even more potentially intimidating than when a woman is with her parents.
But again, the secret is you don't have to commit to being romantically interested in her right away.
The most overlooked strategy here--which should have been obvious when you think about it--is to observe for a minute or so before rushing in.
Yeah, yeah...I've heard of the "three second rule" before, and I know why it's there. But this situation represents the exception to the rule, most definitely.
First off, look for wedding rings if you're in a position to do so without being weird about it.
If they're married, back off. I'm not in the business of teaching "Marriage Destroyer Game"(TM) here.
Next, watch the interaction between them.
What is their body language like? Is she showing the signs of attraction that you've read about 100 times? Or are they clearly presenting themselves as "business-like"?
Does he seem like "a brother to her"? Is "JBF Zone" written all over this situation? If that's the case, he MIGHT be her brother...which would actually be as good to know as if he's her boyfriend or husband.
So as discussed in example #2 above, if it seems like the right thing to do after a bit of "recon", approach with some purpose and assume they're boyfriend/girlfriend. That's the single best way to get a bona-fide read on the situation really fast.
Blatant laughter with a quick note of correction on their part will be a great sign.
Watch carefully to see if one of the two is more adamant about establishing that they're NOT a couple. If so, handle the other person with care.
In other words, if the woman looks hurt when the guy says they're NOT a couple, you've got "politics" on your hand. If the other way around, then HE may get a bit jealous if you proceed.
You've got to look alive out there.
But if there's no romantic intent at all, you may say to the man, "And I was just about to congratulate you for being such a lucky guy."
Then WAIT, and listen to what SHE says to that. Look for any positive response to that, up to an including, "Nope. Some other guy's going to have to be the lucky one."
Money.
5) She's Clearly Not In A Great State Of Mind
Women are emotional creatures, aren't they? Sometimes you'll see a woman who's attractive for sure, but isn't exactly in a happy-go-lucky mood at the moment.
This doesn't necessarily mean you have to abandon all hope of meeting her.
If she simply looks slightly to moderately sad, peeved or frustrated; you can approach her in plain view and say, "Hey...it can't be that bad." Any other similar statement is fine.
The golden part of what happens next is that you'll be given everything you need to know about whether this is a high quality woman or otherwise.
If she snaps at you, ignores you or treats you poorly in any other way after you've clearly taken the lead to lighten things up for her, then consider that a major plus...you've found out way earlier than most guys would have that she's dead wrong for you.
But on the other hand, what if you succeed at bringing a smile back to her face?
Congratulations...you've just led in a way that establishes an amazing first impression of you in her mind. She'll tell that story to every one of her friends.
And by the way, you'll have also set a rock solid precedent in the relationship management department, assuming you'd like to keep her around after your first date together.
Oh, and if she's stark raving mad, berserk and/or crying her eyes out? Stay away...at least until she has simmered down to "slightly to moderately" emotional.
So there you have it. That's five more sticky scenarios that you'll be better equipped to handle, should any of them apply the next time you see a great woman you want to meet.
Having read this two-part series on approaching women in challenging situations, you've probably figured out that unless you've got the "big four" down and you've reclaimed your birthright as a masculine man who leads, you're probably never even going to try to talk to ANY woman in ANY of the situations I mentioned.
Let's face it, it's true. That's why it's so important to be the best version of your authentic self.
If you're always looking for the next line, trick or tactic it just won't happen.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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