[X&Y] "I'm Impressed. You Can Stop Trying Now."

Published: Sat, 01/24/26

Updated: Tue, 01/27/26

You may feel like you've still got a long way to go before you're where you want to be. But my bet is you've come a long way already...

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IN THIS EDITION: You may feel like you've still
got a long way to go before you're where you
want to be. But my bet is you've come a long
way already...

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"I'M IMPRESSED. YOU CAN STOP TRYING NOW."


The other day Emily and I were looking at old pictures together.
Even though we've known each other for almost twenty years,
it's still a lot of fun--and a real "eye opener".

As we flipped through albums, pictures of childhood turned into
pictures of us as teenagers.

There was bad hair, unthinkable clothes, and way too many
embarrassing moments--none of which had seen the light of day for
years. But all was now exposed for both of us, whether we were
seeing it for the very first time or reliving it as a memory.

Finally, Emily joked, "Hmmm...I don't know. I might not have gone
out with you back then. I'm so glad we met in 2006 not 1986!"

The amused giggle accompanying her statement barely
camouflaged the irony that had she really known me back then,
she seriously, probably wouldn't have.

My response may or may not have surprised her, but it was what it
was: "Well, for what it's worth, I wouldn't have gone out with me
either."

Indeed. Years ago I was a different guy.

I was the approval-seeking machine who once had a girl stop me
dead in my tracks on a first date and tell me, "Scot...it's okay. I'm
impressed. You can stop trying now."

Along the same lines, my desire to impress everyone caused me
to blurt out stupid things, especially when I felt the slightest bit
intimidated by how cool the people around me were.

All of this was somehow blatantly evident in the pictures.

Ouch.

Moreover, I was the book-smart "know it all" with practically zero
common sense. So I had an amazing knack for making people feel
stupid while simultaneously looking like an idiot.

Go figure.

And to top it all off, I was all talk and no action.

As I've reassured you guys of often before, I was the uncrowned king
of "shyness induced snobbery". If I found a woman sexy, I made sure
to blow her off like a rusty muffler. You know...just to make sure she
didn't suspect I was attracted to her or anything.

But here's another angle. Emily was a different girl, too.

By her own admission, Emily used to be ultra-conservative when it
came to adventurous stuff. That means there wasn't a snowball's
chance in Yuma, AZ she would have ever gone for a ride with me
on that bright green Kawasaki ZX-7 that I spent most of the early-
'90s on.

Nowadays, she's been a BMX racing champion, a rock climber, dove
the Great Barrier Reef, spelunked in Nicaragua, climbed temples in
Cambodia, camped out with lions in the Serengeti, hiked "the most
dangerous trail in the world", toured North Korea and ridden camels
in the streets of Cairo.

She was even along for the ride the first time I ever flew an airplane,
which means she has more guts than I would have had. Ha!

Over the years her personality and her character have evolved in
other positive ways too, of course, but If she wants to elaborate
on that in her own newsletter then so be it.

The point is that people change.

That means you've changed, and it's always good to take inventory
of that...for two reasons.

The first is it's important to look back and recognize how far you've
come. If you've been working on being a "big four" man, it's nothing
short of exhilarating to see the change you've made.

Sometimes it's easy to miss that because it all tends to happen in
slow motion, relatively speaking. The danger there is that we'll
continue to focus on what's wrong and exasperate ourselves.

The road to true excellence is life-long, so beating ourselves up
is not particularly beneficial.

Know this: If you care about becoming a better man, it likely means
you already are a better man than you used to be. Therefore, you
can attract better women than you used to.

But second, for all of my foibles that I worked hard to beat into
submission over the years, there were some pretty cool things about
me when I was younger also.

So some women looked past my "growing points" and took a ride
with me on my motorcycle anyway.

As a young man I had an almost invincible idealism that I could
change the world. 

So as I "mature", I want to make sure I don't lose that adventurous,
fun-loving spirit that has been attractive all along.

Similarly, I don't want to get jaded by the inevitable rough patches
that life has thrown at me.

By looking back and remembering what made life good for me back
in the day, I can better see the balance between necessary change
and sustaining the positives.

But fair warning--that probably means enduring some old photos that
you wouldn't want on Facebook.

And let's just hope my Dad never busts out those home videos from
when I was 16. Despite the message of today's newsletter, there
really is a threshold where positive insight morphs into pure torture.
 

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