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IN THIS EDITION: We've been programmed to be "cordial", whether we call it that or not. Is that such a good thing?
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NO MORE LOST TIME. JUST REAL RESULTS WITH THE WOMEN YOU REALLY WANT.
Darrell in Arkansas is a highly successful medical professional who had everything going on except the right woman to share his life with. He had high standards, but not a whole lot of free time to waste on bad dates.
Here's what he texted me:
"Hi Scot... It's a half hour until my wedding and I'm thinking of you, thanking you. The time we've spent together and what you have helped me discover has been invaluable. May all the gifts you've given me be returned to you 100x over in the form of blessings for you and Emily and your entire family. Thanks!"
Honestly, as much as I appreciated both his message AND his resounding success, what is he doing texting me thirty minutes before his wedding?
What's more, he's the one who achieved the success he is now experiencing. I simply empowered him and motivated him to get there.
But his story is one of many in a long line of happy successes.
That's what life is all about. And that's why the few Ten-Plus spots I have opened up will fill up quickly, as usual.
If you've been thinking about doing a coaching program with me--or perhaps have even talked to me about it in the past--what is stopping you?
The first step is to either set up a time where we can talk about where you are right now and where you'd like to be:
https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/takeaction/
...or write me directly at:
scot@deservewhatyouwant.com
Tell me your story.
I will be in touch with you personally to make sure Ten-Plus is a good fit. You must be of sound mind, have a positive mindset toward women and be motivated toward excellence.
If you can check those boxes, I can guarantee you results. My pledge to you is I will be the last coach you ever need for this part of your life.
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IF WOMEN "AREN'T FEELING IT" FOR YOU, HERE'S THE #1 REASON
Recently I've come to the conclusion that an overwhelming number of guys tend to be cordial around women they've just met--especially the ones they'd love to go out with.
Your response to that statement may be, "So what? Isn't that how it's supposed to be?"
Well, that's certainly what mainstream society would lead you to believe.
But "cordial" is a weird word, if you really think about it.
I mean, I looked it up in the dictionary and found the definition I expected: Warm, friendly, gracious.
There's a hidden implication lurking behind it all, however.
Think about it. Whenever we find ourselves being cordial with someone, or they with us, what's really going on there socially?
Generally speaking, it's not a whole lot.
A cordial greeting or cordial small talk is generally, if not exclusively reserved for people we BARELY KNOW.
We're cordial when meeting people whom we want to make the standard positive first-impression with.
We don't know them well enough to know exactly what to do with them just yet, though. That means that we're anything BUT vulnerable.
We guard against taking any social risks whatsoever. We don't turn on the charm, we don't attempt humor and we refrain from showing our sillier or quirkier side.
As the very definition itself says, we're also "gracious". We give a LOT of leeway and keep any real, authentic thoughts we may have to ourselves.
Being cordial typically involves smiling, overt friendliness and most definitely a distinct avoidance of anything that would potentially create discord or controversy.
Basically, we keep the tone "nice" and "safe".
And as you surely already know, I've just spelled out the killer one-two punch that knocks out any semblance of attraction before it even knows what hit it.
Yet men tend to meet women they find attractive and immediately go into "cordial mode".
That's an even more dangerous problem than most guys will ever fully understand.
For starters, there has never been a cordial conversation in the history of mankind that was either original or interesting. You stick to the basics, which ensures nobody's wires get crossed.
Cordial conversation leaves everybody involved neither better nor worse for having participated.
As such, by being cordial with a woman you are insulating both of you against any possibility for a real connection with any depth.
That means you'll find yourself spinning your wheels. You won't be intriguing to her with all of that run-of-the-mill cordial stuff.
Nobody has ever intrigued anyone by saying, "I'm fine, how are you?"
Likewise, you most certainly won't be making her feel more comfortable with you, as if she's "known you for ten years".
Nobody has ever been cordial with someone they've known for ten years, unless there's an uncomfortable rift in that relationship somewhere.
A-ha...there's a massive point, right there. While cordiality may SEEM friendly, it also carries the connotation that we're really keeping the person we're talking to at arm's length ON PURPOSE.
That's precisely what makes the concept of being "cordial" so WEIRD. On the surface it seems "nice", but under that façade often lurks a subtle awkwardness or even contempt that we dare not address out in the open.
When you get right down to it, cordiality is all-too-often nothing more than thinly veiled insincerity.
The next time you're tempted to be cordial with a woman when you've first met her, bear all of this in mind.
Perhaps ironically, the less of a social risk you take with her the MORE you're actually putting her very interest level itself at risk.
And no kidding, it's not like this is gender specific. No "chick whispering" is really necessary here.
We don't know what to do with cordial women any more than they know what to do with us.
So then, considering that women are hard-wired to follow a man's lead, what kind of result could any man possibly expect from leading with cordiality other than being put at arm's length?
Imagine that a man gets a woman's number. Wanting to take things to the next level and get together with her, he sends her this message:
"Hello Jennifer, I hope you are having a great day. I have two tickets to the Livermore Winefest this Saturday and would be honored if you would join me. Please let me know if this would interest you. Take care, and I'll talk to you soon."
Now, bear in mind that there's not anything particularly wrong with that approach, at least not socially. It's "nice" and "safe" so there's no danger of looking creepy, weird or pushy.
It's just that it's cordial. Therefore, it's neither exciting, original nor compelling.
Further, no intrigue is added to the equation and rapport is NOT being advanced forward. Who knows what your sincere intentions might be?
Worse, you're not exactly coming off as bold, masculine leader who can stand up to a woman so as to better demonstrate that he could potentially stand up FOR her.
On top of all else, anyone male OR female could have written such a message to anyone else, as there is most certainly zero sexual tension to be found there.
Tell me, when was the last time you had a cordial sexually charged conversation with a woman? I hope you laughed out loud at that one, because I did.
So what's a decent, respectful guy to do when he meets a woman, if not be cordial?
I mean, you want to create sexual tension somehow rather than playing it safe and watching everything fizzle out before your very eyes.
Well, at the bare bones, baseline level why overcomplicate matters?
If you sense you're headed down the cordial path, call out the obvious.
Simply tell her that you find her interesting and don't want to have just another cordial conversation with her. That will serve notice to her that you're intrigued by her, all the while not giving any of your personal power away.
Believe me, she'll recognize that small measure of boldness and appreciate it.
From there, you may want to make a calculated risk in the form of saying something to her that acknowledges her femininity. As I've said before, that eliminates the problem of coming off as cordially "neuter".
Even the simple act of asking her to tell you more about herself begins the trend away from being cordial. As she opens up about herself, you can validate her vulnerability with rapport-building vignettes of your own.
All the while, don't be afraid to have an opinion of your own, even if it contrasts with hers. Save the unnecessary apologies, saying things are "okay" when they aren't and any bland, generic, "safe" answers to whatever she asks you.
Interact with her like a HUMAN, not a "magic 8-ball".
And of course, when talking to her be extra mindful to avoid any artificially careful verbiage that smacks of cordiality. This goes double for when you're asking her out.
Instead of announcing what you have tickets to and requesting the honor of her presence if she can make it, make it a point to suggest rather than ask and to speak less formally. Formal language is a tell-tale sign of cordiality.
Casual and matter-of-fact conversation seems more familiar than cordial, which is far better...within reason.
"Alright well, I've got tickets to the Western RodeoFest on Friday night, and you know what? I've decided you should be the one who joins me."
On the other hand, you don't want to get so familiar with her early on that you're talking about farts and bitching about your boss. Save that for later on.
There's nothing truly complicated to remember here, though. Simply use good judgment and don't go overboard and you'll be fine.
The next thing you know, she'll feel like the two of you have known each other for ten years. Mission accomplished.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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