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WHAT'S INSIDE: You're out with a woman and she seems to like you...but it's always YOU who is picking up the phone to call, sending the first text, and the like. Is it still safe to say she's interested?
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hey Scot,
I recently met a woman. We've talked on the phone twice for a total of about 3 hours.
We have gone out three times, I really like her and honestly I don't remember the last time I had such a great connection with someone.
My concern is that it seems to be a little one sided. I really do think she likes me because when we are together she is very affectionate towards me, but it seems like when we are not together I am the only one trying to make contact.
I may send her a "good morning" text or a "how was your day" text. I have only received one text like that from her, and we have been talking for over three weeks.
Am I reading too much into it?
Also, is three really great dates enough time to suggest that we try to make it a little more serious? Or should I just let things progress naturally? Thanks.
Andrew (Denver, CO)
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Hello Andrew, and thank you for writing.
I wouldn't worry just yet. Most women are taught to let the man take the lead when it comes to initiating interaction.
If it really eats at you, go ahead and acknowledge it to her just to see how she reacts. For example, "I've noticed you're very traditional...preferring the man take the lead when it comes to phone calls and things like that."
You aren't complaining, challenging or worrying. You're simply stating a fact.
Note especially how you're confidently calling out the "elephant in the room" like we've talked about before rather than running away from the issue.
If she hasn't realized you're doing all the calling and texting, it may be because that's her unconscious habit when relating to men. That's not unusual for women who have been raised around traditional thinking from a young age.
Be careful if that's indeed what's going on, though.
She may launch into a stream of "I'm sorrys" if she senses you are displeased. This is common practice among women.
Although saying "I'm sorry" a lot can be a sign of low self-esteem if it occurs often enough, she may genuinely feel in this scenario that she's let you down.
On the other hand, she may openly acknowledge being intentional about waiting for you to contact her first.
She may also ask if you like it that way or have a problem with it. But at least you'll have reassurance she's indeed like that rather than lacking interest in you.
Either way she responds, it's important to lead (as she wants you to anyway), reassuring her that you find her old-fashioned outlook refreshing and you LIKE it.
And if you get nothing more than "I don't know", or some sort of hesitation, it's time to watch carefully. Is she just being shy or is she conflicted about you? Watch the rest of her interaction with you carefully and connect the dots.
But in all likelihood, if your gut feeling is she's indeed attracted, she's probably just "old school". You'll be fine.
ALTHOUGH, if she's popular with men then there may be SEVERAL of you she indeed finds interesting. Still, this would be more likely to affect communication frequency than whether or not she's initiating it.
As for how slow or fast you want to take things from there, you're the man. You lead. You manufacture that reality.
The good news is she'll almost certainly like that about you also.
If you have options and think this woman is particularly terrific compared to others you've been seeing lately, you'll have plenty of clarity.
But feel free to take your time and enjoy all the steps on the path to getting to know each other.
Remember always: It's when we're desperate to hold on to any woman who both likes us and can fog a mirror that we're in trouble.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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