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WHAT'S INSIDE: How can you tell for sure when a woman isn't quite being truthful with you? Here are eight ways to get a handle on the situation every time...
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8 "INNOCENT LIES" WOMEN TELL
I'm not sure exactly. Maybe it was the seven years I spent working with gang kids.
Or perhaps I've been conditioned by those eleven years' worth of high-pressure dealings with telecom companies.
More likely, it was that last five years of dating before I met Emily that got me to this point.
But there's no denying it. I have a smoke detector that would make Judge Judy jealous.
No doubt, I make it a point to look for the best in people, and I believe I do my part in bringing it out in them. As an adopted Texan a handshake means something to me.
But I'll tell you what, there's wisdom in training ourselves to recognize when someone's trying to deceive us, and courage in having the self-esteem to accept that we're being flim-flammed and call it out.
For some unknown reason, such trickery is particularly prevalent in the dating world. Here are eight examples of the many ways men AND women try to dupe each other into accepting ridiculous circumstances:
1) "Get in touch with me and we'll make plans."
This is said as a response to interest expressed by someone else.
At best, a woman who replies with this is on the fence about whether or not to go out with you. In other words, you're being "breadcrumbed".
At worst, she has already made the decision but isn't really interested in hearing you beg her to change her mind. The "easy way out" is just to leave you hanging.
Either way, don't count on anything interesting happening. If this were a promising situation, you would be hearing more details.
2) "Call me on that day and we'll set a time for the date."
Translation: "Yeah, well...I think I need some extra time to work out the details of how I'm going to end up ghosting you."
You're better off saving her the trouble of having to manufacture some sudden "family emergency" excuse for you.
3) "Oh, him? He's just a friend."
Let's assume for a moment, hopefully correctly, that you are not a pathologically jealous loser.
Fair enough?
Okay, then...if you had to ask her about her clearly cozy relationship with some other heterosexual guy, her "friend" ISN'T JUST A FRIEND.
And if the woman of your affection DOES operate with her "friends" in a manner that fuels speculation otherwise, why put yourself through being concerned about it?
Find someone with integrity, which of course segues nicely into the next bullet point...
4) "I think we should just be friends."
Yeah, well...if you agree to this don't plan on being the kind of "friend" referred to in the point above.
Long utilized as a de facto standard by disinterested people everywhere, this signals that all attraction is now lost--if there ever even was any to begin with.
Sometimes a woman really, truly does want to remain friends with you despite an utter lack of romant-o-sexualtm chemistry.
But such a mindset requires immense integrity on the part of someone who has true character. Knowing how rare that is, rest assured this line is typically employed as an allegedly "nice" way to actually end things altogether.
Ultimately, she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings and/or deal with your emotional reaction to the true reason she's no longer interested (or wasn't to begin with).
5) "I'm not ready for a relationship."
Followed mentally by, "...at least not until someone comes along who is more in line with who I am looking for than you are."
Argue with me if you must on this one. I've known people who were just "hurt real bad" by someone, "super focused on work" and/or "getting in touch with 'self' right now" to meet someone who really rocks their world right in the midst of whatever they were allegedly dealing with.
Then all of this crazy talk about "not being ready" goes out the window. It happens ALL THE TIME.
Deep down, unless we are in a coma we all are ready to "relate" to someone, as long as it's the right someone.
6) "Maybe..."
...But most likely maybe NOT. Women who are interested don't use this word with you unless they are major game players.
Find someone else to spend your valuable energy on.
7) "I've been really busy."
This is simply a code phrase for "you are not a priority".
You and I both know it's basic human nature to move mountains in order to create huge blocks of time out of the "busiest" of schedules when we meet someone we are truly crazy about.
Don't shout me down for telling the truth.
8) "I have to be home early and/or get up early tomorrow."
Ah, yes...the trickiest one of all.
Sometimes this one really is true.
What a bummer to have to play this card at face value. After all, most of the time this is what falls out of the mouth of someone who wants to bail out of a date with immediate urgency.
So how can you tell the difference?
Simple. If it comes out of left field and without any elaboration, there's a 100% chance she wants out...now.
On the other hand, if you are told ahead of time about it you can put some stock in the statement, especially if she bends the rules some when the pre-determined hour arrives and chooses to stay out a bit later.
Meanwhile, if and when a woman legitimately has to get home early for an unexpected reason you are likely to be bombarded with heartfelt apologies and proactive suggestions about when and where she'll see you again.
I know that you've likely heard some of these examples before. In fact, I'm willing to bet you've even uttered some of them yourself.
Either way, it all comes down to something other than a desire to be blatantly deceitful. Rarely is anyone who says these things coming from a position of evil intent. In fact, quite the opposite--they're trying to avoid potential pain and conflict.
As such, I believe all of this "smoke blowing" is rooted in nothing other than sheer cowardice. People just don't have the guts to tell others the truth.
Either that, or they don't have the guts to HEAR the truth.
So they lie.
My stand on the matter is that we're all adults around here and tactful positioning of the truth is always more productive for everyone involved in the dating world than laying false hope on someone.
Never mind that whoever is subject to such mental gymnastics would have to be naïve and/or flat-out obsessed to believe any of it. That's beside the point.
Yet, many of us are serving up more "whoppers" than Burger King when it comes to dealing with people who are interested in us.
Stop that. Be honest with people.
And be honest with YOURSELF when you are hearing any of the lines above. What we often consider "tried and true" lines to feed one another are actually "TIRED and FALSE". Deserve what you want.
Oh, and by the way "I can't get pregnant...don't worry" is NOT to be classified as an "innocent lie". Neither is, "Oh, my divorce is going to be final really, really soon." Words to the wise.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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