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IN THIS EDITION: Don in Quebec City brings up a poignant question.
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QUESTION FROM A READER: WHAT ARE WOMEN GOOD FOR BESIDES SEX?
Hey what's up Scot,
Even though I don't think of women as walking vaginas, and I don't want to treat them as such, I don't really see any other reasons I would want to meet more women.
So that's maybe why I'm actually "afraid" of meeting more women, because I feel like that's the only thing I want, or could get out of them.
Maybe this comes from the lack of female attention/companionship while I was growing up and am still experiencing today. Or the porn that used to (and sometime still does) replace this vacuum.
That's something that is quite hard to admit for myself. I mean, like I said, I want to actually enjoy women, not only for sex but whatever they bring...whatever that is...
Thanks for reading,
Don (Quebec City, Quebec)
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Thanks for writing, Don.
There really are TONS of ways a great woman can enrich our lives above and beyond sex.
For starters, despite the well-earned stigma of being banished to the "Just Be Friends Zone" with a woman, the problem with that lies in the word "just".
Truth be told, when you can be friends with women AND also turn each other on sexually there are countless benefits to the companionship they offer.
Emily and I are best friends. There's never a lonely moment in our lives.
But if that all sounds a bit too esoteric for you at this moment, I understand.
So let's focus instead on the deeper purpose of how masculinity (male sexual polarity) and femininity (female sexual polarity) are designed to compliment each other for greater mutual fulfillment in this life.
Women bring joy, laughter and playfulness to our busy lives.
They're the gatekeepers of fun in this life.
They're our biggest cheerleaders when they believe in us.
They know how to comfort us and give us a much-needed break from all the stress and strain we as guys tend to pile on ourselves.
Get the right one and they love to make your home livable, keep your stuff in order for you and cook you a great meal.
They break up the monotony of life with pleasant surprises. They manage your social circle and fill your life with new friends.
And if you want kids, they're better "mommies" than you are. Go figure
The realm of feminine gifts is endless...and we as men get to partake of them.
In fact, I'm on record as saying what women bring is indeed what all of us live for in this life. It's what we look forward to on weekends as opposed to work and stress.
But perhaps most importantly, women give you the perfect forum to flex your masculinity. It's not all about what THEY bring to YOU, it's also about what YOU bring to THEM.
By intelligent design, we as men are the noble, heroic enablers and protectors of The Right To Be Feminine for women in our lives.
Representing what a woman wants as that "big four" guy I always talk about makes you feel like a man. And amazingly, you feel more complete and fulfilled when there's someone feminine (i.e. a woman) to appreciate it.
I'm really, really sorry that you haven't experienced any of that yet, and am especially sorry if you've run into a string of broken women or women who've attempted to personify the masculine rather than the feminine. That happens quite a bit nowadays, I realize.
But yes...represent the "big four" to women and they will prove themselves to be much more valuable than any mere "masturbation tool" could ever be.
The right women will be drawn to you like moths to a flame.
And yes...even the sex itself will be better.
I've got to be honest with you, Don. Even though there are a number of people (men and women) who I'm sure reacted to your question in utter disbelief that it needed to be asked, there are probably just as many who were left slackjawed by the "sexist" answer I just gave you.
Ironic, isn't it? Whether you're "pro" or "con" when it comes to gender roles, someone is going to beat you up over it.
For those of us "old skoolers" who still believe in masculinity and femininity, we have a hard time understanding how someone else can't observe simple human nature and realize it is what it is, no matter where in the world you travel.
But the bottom line is that this discussion is made necessary by a post-modern 21st century culture where the whole idea of masculine/feminine polarity is being challenged more and more.
So when men are criticized for the very thoughts, actions and characterizations that make them male and women are told to "empower themselves" by rejecting the thoughts, actions and characterizations that make them female, what are we left with?
Body parts, that's what.
The difference between men and women is reduced to the pragmatic concept that some people have sticks and some have holes. You put the stick in the hole.
The irony deepens, huh?
Seriously, is there any wonder in a world where masculinity and femininity are trivialized that so many of us as guys wonder (even aloud) what else women are good for besides sex?
In many ways, that's how we've been trained...if indirectly.
A while back I caught a news story about a guy in Japan who owned 124 life-sized sex dolls. He claimed to have done away with any need for real, actual women in his life.
His plastic harem was more fulfilling to him, he believed. He didn't have to take them on dates or listen to their chatter.
They were "ready for action" whenever he was, had no qualms with his desire for "variety", and there was no chance of getting STDs.
I guess that all makes sense if one believes women are only good for sex.
Now, I'm not at all saying you're going to follow in his footsteps.
But since you mentioned porn as a means of "replacing the vacuum" I do have one last thought for you that might bring this whole conversation full circle.
Have you ever noticed that whenever you surf a porn site it doesn't take you very long to get bored with one girl and go looking for the next one?
Seriously...I challenge you to look at the same woman for more than ten or fifteen minutes, max.
When sex is all there is, relationships with women literally become "expendable"...fast.
And worse, there's no fulfillment there. Ever.
Something tells me that guy in Japan has probably expanded his collection beyond 124 since I read the article about him. He's probably expanded into AI by now.
Meanwhile, people who've been happily married for fifty years can usually cite a myriad of different reasons why their marriage is great.
Sex is usually one of them for sure, but when men and women bring
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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