[X&Y] 3 Ways To See Yourself As Others See You

Published: Sun, 06/28/15



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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Can you see yourself as others see you?  Can
you see them as they see themselves?  Both are amazing skills.

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HOW DO OTHERS SEE YOU?


Let's talk about confidence.  Specifically, gaining confidence
when meeting women.  

Today's angle is particularly interesting for two reasons.  

First, as is often the case I've never heard or seen it
discussed anywhere else.  At all.  

Second, and importantly, the concept is undeniably useful no matter
who you are.  It's foundational not only to success with women,
but for life in general.

As the title has already telegraphed, what we're talking about here
is discovering how to see yourself as others see you...and then
how to see others as they see themselves.

Imagine how powerful a skill that would be were you to acquire it.

You as a human being are in a remarkable position.  Have you ever
considered how wild it truly is that out of seven billion plus human
beings just like you on this planet, you will only ever see light
through the eyes of ONE of them?  

You are confined to your own physical being, at least as far as the
laws of physics apply in this life.  

The metaphysics of all this are, of course, a subject better suited
to some other newsletter that is not about dating and relationships.  

Fair enough.

But since we ARE focused like a laser on your total, utter and
massive success in the dating world--up to and including complete
control over your dating life--you'd best believe that there is
tremendous value in exploring this concept more deeply from a
more practical perspective.

So many of us are limited in our belief that we can possibly
deserve the kind of woman we want.  

Going way beyond "approach anxiety", going way beyond "getting
beat by a girl" and indeed way beyond anything you've ever heard
until now, it can be safely assumed that much of the problem is
directly attributable to how you see yourself versus how you see
others.

Since you know every intimate detail of your own thoughts, fears
and weaknesses--as well as your strengths, of course--you know all
of your own darkest secrets.  

You're well acquainted with every imperfection, every prurient
thought, every doubt and all else that would bring instant
humiliation if others found out about it.

Armed with this knowledge, what do you do?  You go out and become
completely disarmed by a beautiful and apparently "perfect"
creature of the other gender.  

In your mind, she is flawless.

Then comes the vortex of self-doubt.

"Oh man, I could never be in HER league.  She's a veritable vision
of perfection, and I can't even get into an elevator without feeling
claustrophobic, come from a foreign country, need a haircut, have a
big nose, have spring allergies, say stupid things when nervous,
masturbate twice a day, chew my toenails in private and once cheated
on a math test."

So goes the process whereby we talk ourselves out of being
successful.

Erstwhile, your "vision of perfection" is inside her own head
thinking, "Girl...get yourself TOGETHER!  Your panty lines are
showing, you have stupid looking ears, are habitually late for
work, snort when you laugh, have two crooked teeth and wear contact
lenses.  NO wonder you've been dateless for over a month now!"

Crazy stuff, isn't it?  If only we could see inside each other's
heads.

Better yet, if only we could read what others are thinking about
us in particular.

Well, you can't do that.  But here are three simple exercises you
CAN do:



1)  Eliminate private knowledge as a "limiting factor" and take
notes regarding how others respond to you


First and foremost, realize that your private thoughts are NOT
public.  Nobody else can evaluate you by them, so it only makes
sense to stop using them against yourself.  

They do not exist in the minds of others because they CANNOT.  

As such, realize that nobody can "see through you" as if
clairvoyant any more than you can "see through" them.



2)  Objectively consider the comments you receive from people and
their behavior toward you 


Realize that one person's standalone opinion shouldn't be seen as
infallible, no matter who you are (or how hot she is, for that
matter).

Rather, where you see and/or hear patterns repeated, that's when
it's wise to take stock in what you're perceiving.  

If pointing to ways you can better yourself, act on that and
deserve what you want.  

If you hear recurring positive comments and/or see recurring
favorable reactions to your presence and/or interactions, begin
to recognize and accept the good news about how others perceive you.

Similarly, if negative reactions come from various people, especially
if they're from different social circles (or are even total
strangers), then the patterns you see there clearly signal where you
need to improve your social skills.  

This sounds so simplistic, yet how many of us go home and obsess over
self-perceived "negatives" that we are repeatedly told are positives?

And how many of us beat our heads against the wall making the same
social mistakes over and over again?  

If in doubt, begin to pay careful attention to this dynamic in your
life.  Note the patterns you detect and trust them.



3)  Pretend you are walking in the shoes of someone you find
attractive


Okay, here's the "power ball".  Ready?  

My guess is that when you encounter a woman who really motors your
sexual attraction levels, she is actually more "perfectly
imperfect" than "perfect".
 
The next time you are practically paralyzed by attraction towards
a woman, try pretending for a moment that you're her instead of
yourself.  

In your darkest, most self-critical thoughts, what would you be most
self-conscious about?  

Go ahead and in your blind attraction make an effort to approach
that concept with sober judgment.  

You will likely identify an entire litany of faults and potential
attitudes that would make her VERY insecure, at least theoretically.  

Ironically, you may find yourself recognizing traits and/or features
that some people may be self-critical about but which are at the same
time EXACTLY what is making you so hot for this chick.  

It's strange for sure.  But it is no less an eye opener.



Ultimately, what we're really exposing here is a dark corner of
human arrogance.  

We somehow believe that our own self-pronounced judgments both
AGAINST ourselves and FOR others somehow carry greater weight than
everyone else's, don't we?  

That's exactly what ends up limiting us, yet your perspective or
mine is only one of over seven billion different ones--be that
toward ourselves or others.  

Allow yourself to open up to seeing others' perspectives for a
change.

Do so and enjoy the shock when you finally do meet someone who
knocks you out...realizing very quickly as you get to know her that
many of the insecurities you saw from her potential perspective are
actually actively present.  

Then feel the power and joy of being able to share with her what
others--namely YOU--see instead.  How cool is that?

Usually you'll hear me harp on deserving what you want.

Today you get a breather.  Today I've let you in on a secret:  You
may already deserve WAY, WAY more than you have been giving yourself
credit for.


Be Good,

Scot McKay

 
 

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