[X&Y] Douches And Dorks Of A Feather...
Published: Fri, 08/14/15
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IN THIS EDITION: Your choice of which social circle to be a part
of definitely affects your dating pool...even in ways you might not
have thought of yet.
=====
IF YOU'RE NOT MEETING WOMEN NOW, YOU WILL VERY SOON
So let's say you're not really the type of guy who can see himself
doing "cold approaches"...at least not yet.
And you're certainly not the kind of guy who spends his weekends
hanging out at bars and clubs hitting on chicks.
But you ARE the guy who goes to work at a construction site, an
engineering firm, or some other place where you just don't see a
whole lot of women all day long.
So then, how ARE you meeting women?
Well, if you're like literally thousand sof other perfectly cool,
reasonably attractive guys who fit the above description, the hard
truth is that you AREN'T meeting women.
All I can say to that is I've been there myself.
There was a time in my life where I had bought into the whole idea
that to approach a woman would probably only "bother" them. It was
tough to get over that.
Plus, I worked out of my home all day, and I just wasn't into dark,
smoky, crowded places.
So what was the "game changer" for me?
I got into online dating. I saw that as a "no brainer", and it
changed everything for the better.
But I quickly realized that most guys (including myself at first)
were clueless as to how to go about it. So I figured out a system
for success, and once I applied it my schedule was full of hotties.
The great news is that YES, you're about to start meeting amazing
women also.
The even BETTER news is that I've already done all the "heavy
lifting" for you when it comes to figuring out how:
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There's still one more day to take control of your dating life,
using that coupon code "control50" that gets you my Online Dating
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Remember, I'm also forking over a free copy of my book How To
Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life as part of the deal.
That's because I think you're going to NEED it.
Go ahead...get off the sidelines and start meeting the kind of women
you should have been with all along:
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Don't believe the "naysayers". Some of the hottest women
imaginable are online, and the few guys who know the ropes are
getting ALL of them.
If I can be one of those guys, then so can you. I guarantee it.
=====
DOUCHES AND DORKS OF A FEATHER
It's been years ago now, but in a "past life" I used to ride around
on sportbikes (aka "crotch rockets") with a bunch of my friends.
Actually, that's not completely accurate. 95% of the time, my
friends and I all parked our bikes in front of Taco Bell or Dairy
Queen and "bench raced" while waiting for girls to show up.
We thought we were SO cool.
But looking back, my educated guess is that lots of other guys our
age in town thought we were a bunch of douches.
And if I'm brutally honest with myself, I'd also bet that still
other guys around our age who were busy building businesses,
furthering their educations and/or doing something legitimately
important for the good of mankind thought we were a bunch of dorks.
For some reason, however, we seemed to be oblivious to those other
perspectives. That reason would be that we were all of the same
exact mindset, and we were all together in it...enthusiastically
supportive of one another.
In that insulated little world of ours, we considered ourselves
perfectly "normal" and didn't give it much of a second thought.
Not that anyone else's opinion mattered, as long as we were minding
our own business and not hurting anyone else. Still, it's pretty
remarkable how we were completely oblivious to the fact that there
was any other option than to see us as we saw ourselves.
So why would I bring this up? Why would I open myself up for the
four dozen or so e-mails from you guys I'm inevitably going to
receive reaffirming what a douchey dork I must have been back then?
Well, as it turns out, there's method to my madness...so for now I'll
risk having to put my firesuit on.
You see, I've come to three-part conclusion:
1) We as guys tend to hang out with other dudes who define "cool"
the same way we do.
2) We tend to not realize and/or care how "outsiders" view our
social circle from afar.
3) How we define "cool" also ends up defining our dating pool.
That third one's particularly fascinating, isn't it?
Let's just put it this way. What you're into and who you're
hanging out with is going to have an undeniable and perhaps even
predictable effect on what kind of women you'll be able to go out
with (or not).
In our case, being a part of the whole sportbike sub-culture wasn't
such a bad gig as far as that was concerned. We tended to attract
a following of young, spunky, energetic cuties who liked to hang on
and go fast.
That ended well for most of us, more so for those who took regular
showers and visited a dentist sometimes.
But let's say you're more interested in sci-fi conventions,
Dungeons And Dragons and video games. If that's the case, you're
probably going to hang out with friends who are also into those
things.
The plain truth is that there aren't a whole lot of women who get
excited about guys who are into that stuff, regardless of how
passionate you are about it. And you'd better be okay with dating
the few who are.
It's a common, natural fact that guys who are into, say, salsa
dancing or adventure trekking are going to have MORE women who
agree they're cool, and those women just MIGHT be a lot sexier to a
larger cross-section of the male population.
There are as many ways to look at this whole phenomenon as there
are different types of social circles and sub-cultures. But
whether we like it or not, each such social group has a somewhat
predictable effect on others.
You want examples, and I've got 'em.
One time I happened to be hanging out with several really pretty
but very down-to-earth girls.
They were the type who were raised in middle class families with
daddies who loved them, went to church on Sunday and in general
weren't very "high maintenance".
We happened to pass by a gathering of rather ostentatious looking
guys posing next to their exotic cars...you know, R8s, Ferraris,
Lambos and the like.
To make a long story short, the girls all agreed that they were not
impressed in the slightest by guys like that. One even sort of
rolled her eyes.
But I'm sure there are other women who would be all over those guys
like brown on Louis Vuitton.
So here's hoping that none of those particular guys are into girls
like the ones I was with.
A while back I had the "opportunity" to be on jury duty. I ended up
being 72nd in a massive pool of seventy-five people. This meant I
was in for one LONG and freaking BORING day of mostly standing
around.
Just ahead of me was a guy who looked like a younger Zach
Galifianakis. Out of sheer boredom I engaged this guy in conversation.
Almost immediately he launched into his obsession with comic
books...so much to the point that he had converted to Norse Mythology
as his core belief system. I promise I am not making this up.
About twenty spots ahead of us in line was a slender latina with a
sunny disposition and a keen fashion sense. Zach, Jr. made it
perfectly clear that he wouldn't mind going out with her.
Who knows? Maybe she would have, had he the guts to ask her out.
But there's no doubt that the probability of that would have been
MUCH greater had he paid more attention to his personal style.
Never mind that I just haven't met so many women lately who were so
into comic book culture.
And hey...how come this guy wasn't more interested in his own "type"
of girl, anyway?
Unfortunately, you see, it's quite often that I hear from guys with
unrealistic expectations with regard to dating the kind of women
who are straight-up unlikely to be all that impressed with who they
are and what they're about.
That brings up the most interesting question of all: Do we as guys
really, fully comprehend how our interests and our social decisions
affect our dating pool?
I mean REALLY. Do we KNOW when we're going down a social path
that's going to alienate the kind of women we're most attracted to,
if not flat-out shrink our dating pool dramatically?
Or is it that we have the lights on, but arrogantly soldier on
thinking we'll somehow be the exception to how social groups
typically shake out?
There's Marianne and there's Ginger. Usually, they'll each end up
with the kind of guy you'd imagine them with.
Yes, being a true "big four" man can most certainly broaden your
horizons and cause a woman who might not normally cross-pollenate
with the likes of you to do so...and happily.
But if your social values don't line up with hers you've still
stacked the deck against yourself--no matter how much of a badass
you are.
Ultimately, if the kind of woman you fantasize about the most
almost always thinks you and your group of friends are either
douchey or dorky, then you've got an existential problem. That's
all I'm really saying.
Add it all up and something has to give, either you'll modify your
social presence to better suit the kind of women you're most
attracted to, or you'll learn to be content with the women you
attract.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2015. All Rights Reserved.
If you find this newsletter as powerful and life-changing as over
50,000 other guys do, why not forward it to a friend who could
benefit from it as well?
Get Scot's Powerful New Program Behind Closed Doors
Let's just put it this way. What you're into and who you're
hanging out with is going to have an undeniable and perhaps even
predictable effect on what kind of women you'll be able to go out
with (or not).
In our case, being a part of the whole sportbike sub-culture wasn't
such a bad gig as far as that was concerned. We tended to attract
a following of young, spunky, energetic cuties who liked to hang on
and go fast.
That ended well for most of us, more so for those who took regular
showers and visited a dentist sometimes.
But let's say you're more interested in sci-fi conventions,
Dungeons And Dragons and video games. If that's the case, you're
probably going to hang out with friends who are also into those
things.
The plain truth is that there aren't a whole lot of women who get
excited about guys who are into that stuff, regardless of how
passionate you are about it. And you'd better be okay with dating
the few who are.
It's a common, natural fact that guys who are into, say, salsa
dancing or adventure trekking are going to have MORE women who
agree they're cool, and those women just MIGHT be a lot sexier to a
larger cross-section of the male population.
There are as many ways to look at this whole phenomenon as there
are different types of social circles and sub-cultures. But
whether we like it or not, each such social group has a somewhat
predictable effect on others.
You want examples, and I've got 'em.
One time I happened to be hanging out with several really pretty
but very down-to-earth girls.
They were the type who were raised in middle class families with
daddies who loved them, went to church on Sunday and in general
weren't very "high maintenance".
We happened to pass by a gathering of rather ostentatious looking
guys posing next to their exotic cars...you know, R8s, Ferraris,
Lambos and the like.
To make a long story short, the girls all agreed that they were not
impressed in the slightest by guys like that. One even sort of
rolled her eyes.
But I'm sure there are other women who would be all over those guys
like brown on Louis Vuitton.
So here's hoping that none of those particular guys are into girls
like the ones I was with.
A while back I had the "opportunity" to be on jury duty. I ended up
being 72nd in a massive pool of seventy-five people. This meant I
was in for one LONG and freaking BORING day of mostly standing
around.
Just ahead of me was a guy who looked like a younger Zach
Galifianakis. Out of sheer boredom I engaged this guy in conversation.
Almost immediately he launched into his obsession with comic
books...so much to the point that he had converted to Norse Mythology
as his core belief system. I promise I am not making this up.
About twenty spots ahead of us in line was a slender latina with a
sunny disposition and a keen fashion sense. Zach, Jr. made it
perfectly clear that he wouldn't mind going out with her.
Who knows? Maybe she would have, had he the guts to ask her out.
But there's no doubt that the probability of that would have been
MUCH greater had he paid more attention to his personal style.
Never mind that I just haven't met so many women lately who were so
into comic book culture.
And hey...how come this guy wasn't more interested in his own "type"
of girl, anyway?
Unfortunately, you see, it's quite often that I hear from guys with
unrealistic expectations with regard to dating the kind of women
who are straight-up unlikely to be all that impressed with who they
are and what they're about.
That brings up the most interesting question of all: Do we as guys
really, fully comprehend how our interests and our social decisions
affect our dating pool?
I mean REALLY. Do we KNOW when we're going down a social path
that's going to alienate the kind of women we're most attracted to,
if not flat-out shrink our dating pool dramatically?
Or is it that we have the lights on, but arrogantly soldier on
thinking we'll somehow be the exception to how social groups
typically shake out?
There's Marianne and there's Ginger. Usually, they'll each end up
with the kind of guy you'd imagine them with.
Yes, being a true "big four" man can most certainly broaden your
horizons and cause a woman who might not normally cross-pollenate
with the likes of you to do so...and happily.
But if your social values don't line up with hers you've still
stacked the deck against yourself--no matter how much of a badass
you are.
Ultimately, if the kind of woman you fantasize about the most
almost always thinks you and your group of friends are either
douchey or dorky, then you've got an existential problem. That's
all I'm really saying.
Add it all up and something has to give, either you'll modify your
social presence to better suit the kind of women you're most
attracted to, or you'll learn to be content with the women you
attract.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2015. All Rights Reserved.
If you find this newsletter as powerful and life-changing as over
50,000 other guys do, why not forward it to a friend who could
benefit from it as well?
Get Scot's Powerful New Program Behind Closed Doors
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