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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Women might not exactly throw themselves at you,
but they'll do this...
   
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HOW WOMEN SHOW INTEREST IN  YOU (EVEN IF YOU AREN'T
NOTICING IT)


Somewhere one of you responded to the title of this newsletter by
saying, "Yeah, they just hit me instead."

If that's you're reality, I'm sorry to hear that.  What I have in
mind here is something very different.

This is going to be all about how women go about showing interest
in a guy who'd they'd like to notice them.

But first of all, I'm going to go on record here as saying that if
you're a man who routinely has women approach you and ask you out,
then you're in very rare company.

What's more, if you happen to find that women go so far as to
"throw themselves at you", then you might be one in ten thousand.

This despite anything you've ever read that promises that women
will show up out of nowhere and beg you to have sex with them, etc.

While I fully realize that younger women (i.e. in college) are more
forward than ever before, I'll be honest.

The number of men I personally know who have women throw
themselves at them on a regular basis is...let me see, here...um...
ZERO.

Granted, I don't know Justin Bieber (although Emily's son bears a
striking resemblance to him and even still...) but I DO know just
about every well-known dating coach and/or pickup artist at this
point.  I've even hung out in person with most of them.

Yes, some of those guys are truly, legitimately good with women.
But NONE of them are simply sitting there fielding females with a
catcher's mitt (a la Eddie Murphy).

Me personally?  I'll just spell it out for you.

I've never been the most visually striking member of the male race,
but in my twenties I was a fairly decent looking guy on a fast
motorcycle who worked out and was in good shape.

The grand number of women in my entire life who've thrown
themselves at me?

Three.

One was a very drunk woman at a karaoke bar.  At least the woman
whom I was on a first date with at the time was impressed.

Another was a cute, spunky little blondie who was a true "one
percenter" in the outgoing personality department, for sure.  For
what it's worth, we ended up dating for a while.  I was impressed.

The third girl was another perky, gymnast-like blondie I knew who
propositioned me sexually in front of everyone else in our social
circle...and meant it.

Come to think of it, something similar may have happened at a frat
party here and there.  But it always involved plastered women who
were likely less-than-discriminate in who they were talking to.
Therefore, those events weren't particularly memorable.

Yes, gentlemen.  The plain truth is that women just flat out aren't
wired to make unmistakably bold moves demanding our sexual
attention.

In my somewhat well-traveled opinion that's for two reasons.

First, hardly any men have the guts to do that.  So why would we
think that women are more likely to overcome "approach anxiety"
than we are?

But second, and perhaps more significantly, they'd feel weirdly
masculine doing so.

We as men are to LEAD.  It's up to US to make the bold move.
Women are keenly aware of that, and that's how they LIKE it.

But wait a minute...that doesn't mean for a second that women don't
rather blatantly make their interest known.

Don't let that last sentence fry your circuits.  There is indeed a
BIG difference between throwing oneself at someone else and
showing clear interest.

Indeed, it's not most women's style to walk right up and hit on
guys, let alone proposition them.

What they tend to do instead is, for lack of a better description,
put themselves in our way.

That's right.  Women will very deliberately position themselves
relative to us so that we're all but sure to notice them.

Their intention, of course, is to absolutely simplify YOUR ability
to make a bold, masculine move and approach THEM.

Although this maneuver can appear subtle, it can take more blatant
forms also.

When I was in college I worked at a summer camp and one night
they had planned some sort of dance.

A certain spunky little blondie (there's a pattern there, no?)
basically made sure she was standing right in front of me when it
was time to pick partners.  She turned her head toward me and
smiled.

How convenient of a choice she became in the moment.

Yes, she showed interest.  But no...she didn't grab me by the collar
and demand that I dance with her.

More subtle forms of this phenomenon are limited only by the female
imagination.

Just yesterday I went to the grocery store around 3.30 in the
afternoon.

For some reason there was an unusually plentiful supply of single
women who had gone out of their way to look sexy for whichever
guys they happened to encounter.

So what do women tend to do when they know they've "got it" and
they're hoping to create a "movie moment" at the grocery store?

It's not like she's going to put on her "little black dress" and
heels.  That would be too blatant an advertisement.

Typically, they instead wear some sort of casual work-out outfit
that features a lot of pink or other pastel color.

They probably have on some sort of spandex and/or those athletic
shorts that women tend to wear nowadays that hug their hips just
right.

And then they go to directly to the supermarket instead of working
out.

In other words, if you see a woman who's in workout gear but who
HASN'T worked out yet, then BINGO.

After all, what's up with that?  Is she going to let all the frozen
food melt in the car while she works out after shopping?

There IS no trip to the gym in the works.  She's just perpetrating.

In any case, the local joint was crawling with such women
yesterday.  One spunky, athletic-looking blondie (go figure) kept
turning up in whatever department I was in.

More than once she paused beside me to make like she was about to
select something, but never did.

It would have been all-too-easy for the single version of me to
say, "So...do you really think the national brand is any better than
the store brand?"

And it was she who most certainly made sure that the conversation
could have been a no-brainer.

By now, you may have some questions.

"So Scot, how come I never see anything like this happening before
my very eyes?"

"Wait a minute...sometimes I'm the one who does this subtle
positioning thing.  Why doesn't that ever work if women in fact the
masters of it?"

"How come cute spunky brunettes never seem to be as blatantly
interested as the blondies?"

Well, I have no clue how to answer that third one.  But the other
two I can handle.

A single answer covers both questions:  It's all in the difference
between how masculinity and femininity are wired.

Masculinity is wired to make bold, definitive moves...whether we can
bring ourselves to actually make them or not.

So since that's what we understand, we often miss the signals women
send us by positioning themselves perfectly for US to make a move
on them.

The mistake we make is to expect them to be more like us if they're
interested.

Similarly, even though women fully understand what they're doing to
indicate interest, they're confused a bit when WE do something
similar.

To them it doesn't indicate interest on our part to merely put
ourselves in their way.  After all, we're men...now that the
"positioning" portion of the whole dance is over, in their eyes
it's time for us to introduce ourselves.

Granted, the respective male and female expectations of the other
gender seem to contradict themselves, at least on the surface.

That is, men often EXPECT women to be like men, whereas women
are CONFUSED when men act like women.

Chalk that one up to the nature of leadership.  While women
naturally look for the man to make the move, we as guys sometimes
drop the ball.

All told, it looks like a simple mind shift is in order here.

Women definitely see it as YOUR job (or prerogative, if you will)
to approach them.  But they also most definitely understand THEIR
job to make that as easy on you as possible if they're interested.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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