[X&Y] Chasing Skirts

Published: Fri, 05/20/16

If you think you can continue to "chase" women hoping to get positive results, this newsletter is for you. It's time to count the true costs involved...

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IN THIS EDITION:   If you think you can continue to "chase" women
hoping to get positive results, this newsletter is for you.  It's
time to count the true costs involved...

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SKIRT CHASING


The other day I started really contemplating the idea of chasing
women even more than I ever had before.

It wasn't long before I was thinking some pretty terrifying
thoughts.   You know, the whole "rabbit hole" goes a LOT deeper
than you might suspect.

First off, what's the root cause of chasing?  

We chase because we just can't handle the thought of losing an
opportunity with a woman.  If we exacerbate matters by focusing
totally on her, the "fear of loss" we feel means we push and push
even in the face of longer and longer odds until the woman finally
either flatly tells us to "go away or files a restraining order.

That's not good, obviously.  But far too many guys really don't see
any other option.  They either CHASE or go home.

I get e-mails all the time from guys who vehemently try to convince
me that it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE for any man to retain his power
with women.

Hmmm...

So how in the world do we ever start believing that we've no choice
but to surrender to women all the power to either "accept" or
"reject" us rather than reserving our right to be choosers?

I mean, anyone with half a brain can see the advantage of
choosing versus chasing.

The thing is, I'm not sure we can so clearly see the DISadvantages
of chasing.

Honestly, I think the truth about a man's ability to have power in
the dating world is so blasted cloudy to so many dudes because
chasing really isn't a standalone condition.

Rather, it's merely a symptom of a very, very bad habit developed
over time:  seeking approval

Simply put, men who DON'T desperately try to get others to approve
of them are almost always choosers.

Meanwhile, almost all guys who ARE approval seekers are chasers.

Interestingly, all of us--if we're honest--deep down really WANT
others to approve of us.  Either that or we're antisocial.  

And who tends to GET our approval in this life?  People we respect
and like.  People we see as benevolent leaders.  People who are
making a positive impact on their world.

Who DOESN'T get our approval?  People who bore or irritate us.
People who are selfish and don't have the best interests of others
in mind.  People whose thoughts and ideas aren't deemed valuable.

So put two and two together and you can conclude that the amount
that a person is starved for approval and therefore voraciously
seeks it is inversely correlated to his level of personal power.

Chicks dig a man with personal power.  Without it, he really can't
present himself to be a leader, provider or protector.  

So ironically, the MORE a man apparently needs a woman to approve
of him, the LESS attractive she's going to find him.

If you've ever wondered exactly why chasing a woman almost never
works no matter how hard one tries, there's your answer.   

Who knows why so many guys try to defend the faulty premise that
women have all the power?  Even if they're proven right, it'll
STILL get them absolutely NOWHERE with women.  Go figure.

As tragic as this already sounds, it gets worse.

People who chase approval tend to be "yes men".  Almost by
definition, they say "yes" to every request made of them.

Part of effective leadership is knowing how and when to say "no",
even when that means someone else doesn't get what he or she wants.

So then, "yes men" are more easily manipulated and respected
less...even as they're TRYING to make everyone happy with them.

On the other hand, studies have proven that saying "no" often
actually makes your occasional "yes" even more powerful.  

Behavioral Psychology pioneer B.F. Skinner once famously trained a
pigeon to peck over 1000 times between instances of actually
getting a pellet of food for its labor.   Amazingly, the more pecks
it took to get a reward, the harder it was to get the pigeon to
stop pecking.

Crazy huh?  And while pigeons aren't people, the basic premise does
indeed transfer to our behavior.   The women who get inside our
head the most and stay there most certainly are NOT rewarding our
every peck with a pellet, are they?

So why, then, when the woman we've been chasing finally agrees to
hang out with us do we drop EVERYTHING and meet with her on HER
terms and on HER schedule?

How is it that whatever question she asks, we somehow feel
compelled to give her an answer?

That doesn't demonstrate leadership, patience or any other sign of
personal power.   

It telegraphs starvation for approval because nobody ever offers
any.  So why should she be the exception?

There's no reason at all for any woman to respect you a man like
that.  He can't stand up TO her, therefore he can't stand up FOR
her.

Can you see the forest for the trees once and for all?  Can you see
the true amount of collateral damage caused by chasing?

From now on deserve what you want.  Count yourself worthy of
approval and stop trying so hard to capture it.  Stop being a "yes
man" and start saying "no" more often.  Stop chasing and start
choosing instead.
 
 
 
 

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