[X&Y] How To Stop Blaming Yourself <-- Practical Steps
Published: Thu, 06/02/16
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Discover how and why it's time to stop beating
ourselves up every time something doesn't go as planned with a
woman.
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EXPERIENCE THE "RUSH"
Now listen...you may be saying, "Yeah sure, McKay. You make
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He confidently stops her in her tracks by with the sexually
attractive power of his masculine aura.
Having already sexually charged her senses, he creates a feeling
of safety and security in her that magnetizes her.
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gets to decide how far the relationship goes...and for how
long.
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HOW TO STOP BLAMING YOURSELF
You got her number, and being the "big four" man that you are you
give her a call as promised.
She doesn't answer, so you leave a voice mail.
She doesn't return it.
You try her number again a couple of days later...fully intending to
play it cool when she answers.
And again...voice mail.
So being a chooser rather than a chaser, you drop her a text saying
it was nice to meet her but find it disappointing that she doesn't
pick up the phone. You prefer women who are mature enough not to
play games, and wish her well in the future.
Lo and behold, the next day she calls you when you're tied up at
work and can't answer the phone. You check voice mail later and
hear only a click...no message whatsoever.
How frustrating is that?
Or perhaps you're browsing around online and happen across
the profile of a woman who seems friendly and engaging, so you
write her a quick email.
You've become a master at this stuff, so you craft a brilliantly
worded message that acknowledges you've read her profile in a
witty, charming way and issues a clear call to action...all in three
lines of text.
Later, you not only notice that she has opened and read your
message, but she's also looked at your profile six times in the
last 48 hours.
But you've got cobwebs forming on your inbox, nonetheless.
Crickets.
If you can relate to either of these examples, you're a normal,
red-blooded guy.
And for sure, when this sort of thing happens you're left to
wonder, "What on Earth did I do to mess this up?"
The answer may very well be NOTHING. In fact, that's likely the
case.
In other words, often it's not YOU...it's THEM.
I've written to you previously about how we as guys tend to blame
ourselves when a date goes horribly wrong, even when any 3rd party
bystander could have easily concluded that the woman was a total
basket case--even as you had conducted yourself with textbook "big
four" perfection.
The truth of the matter is that women are equally as likely to have
dating and relationship issues as men.
We're all human here, and women don't necessarily have everything
figured out, regardless of what you've been led to believe.
There's even a video or two circulating lately where a guy is
teaching how to get around brutal "rejection" by particularly aloof,
blatantly rude women.
This is a great example of what we as guys tend to brainwash
ourselves into believing is perfectly normal and reasonable.
We put women on a pedestal so high that we'll simultaneously
excuse any preposterous behavior on their part while redoubling our
efforts to fix the problem of things "not working out".
So what ends up happening?
Because we're barking up the wrong tree from the get-go, we spend
our time trying to figure out how to REACT to the situation (i.e.
fix ourselves) rather than PROACTIVELY seeing the scenario for what
it is and taking leadership.
We don't see the forest for the trees, so we don't make rational
decisions and proceed accordingly.
This is precisely what everyone's talking about when they refer
to "being in your own head" and the need to "get outside" of it
instead.
To objectively illustrate what I'm getting at here, let's revisit
the two examples I gave above.
In the case of having gotten a woman's number only to encounter the
shenanigans I described, the typical knee-jerk reaction for most of
us as guys would be to think that we somehow managed to mess things
up, even though we haven't even spoken to her since meeting her.
Or maybe we'd allow ourselves to obsess over that initial conversation
--looking for what certainly must have been some blunder we made that
creeped her out later the more she thought about it.
But here's what's probably really going on.
You and I both know that it's hard to pick up the phone and follow
up with a woman.
It was hard to call girls you liked in 7th grade, and nothing has
changed since. Yet you do it.
So then, what makes you think that calling YOU is so easy for HER
to do?
The truth is that she may be just as wadded up over calling you
back as you were over calling her to begin with.
But yet you automatically assume that she'll "man up" and return
your call, don't you?
In the case of the woman you were hoping to meet online, maybe it's
not that your profile was as lurid a mess as you thought.
Maybe she's just massively gun shy about writing e-mails back
because she's self-conscious about her spelling. Or perhaps she
just doesn't know what to write.
OR...maybe she's completely new to this whole online dating thing and
is totally intimidated in general...or perhaps (just perhaps) by YOU in
particular. That factor can never be underestimated.
Guess what gentlemen? Generally speaking, it may not be that she's
so indifferent about you as to be okay with blowing you off like a
rusty muffler.
The OPPOSITE may be true.
That's right. She may really, really like you.
She may even be sitting there thinking, "Oh wow...how am I going to
make sure NOT to ruin this?"
In fact, I believe you should go ahead and operate as if any or all of
this is the case if you see indications like unto what I've been describing
above.
So here's what you should do.
In the case of the woman you met and called on the phone, try this.
When you call her back, say, "Hey, I realize that talking to people
you just met on the phone can be a bit intimidating. But hey, I'm
an easy going guy so don't be shy at all."
And for the woman you wrote on Match.com, you might write her back
after seeing all those profile hits and say something similar.
Make the first line: "Hey...caught you looking."
Inspiring confidence, or causing a woman to feel safe and secure
in your presence" is a mission-critical component of the "big
four".
When you are able to see a situation when a woman appears to be
chickening out for what it is, you're better equipped to put her at
ease than if you're unable to get past your own insecurities.
Remember, all women--even the ones you're really attracted to--are
human beings.
When you can move away from the "too good to be true" factor and
recognize that she may be just as excited and/or nervous to meet
you as you are about meeting her, you can put aside any concern
about looking needy.
Instead, you can confidently take leadership in a way that shows
her you're a man.
And yes...when you look at these situations through that filter, your
confidence is what turns your otherwise lame, apologetic voicemails
and e-mails into inspiring calls to action.
The words you use aren't so revolutionary, but the attitude sure is.
Can you adopt that transformational mindset and get the job done?
My bet is you'll get that call or message returned if you can.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Looking at the calendar, I'm going to go ahead and open up
two Ten-Plus Live slots here in San Antonio between August
10th and September 30th. Ten-Plus Live is an intensive that's designed to get your sticking
points solved FAST...especially when it comes to confidence, meeting
women and attracting them.
You're guaranteed to experience a profound transformation...
empowered beyond your expectations.
That said, this is an exclusive experience that's NOT for everyone.
And as you already know, I don't do these all that often anymore.
However, if you're interested in live, on-site coaching from me
and you believe that life's too short to put this off any
longer, then contact me immediately at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com.
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