[X&Y] 3 Disastrous Social Habits To Avoid

Published: Mon, 01/30/17


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IN THIS EDITION:  Do you want everyone in your social circle to
know how much of a badass you are?  Well then, there's a certain
ironic truth that you must put to good use right away...

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WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY COMES, YOU TAKE IT


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99% of ALL people do this, and it's KILLING their social life.
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3  DISASTROUS SOCIAL HABITS TO AVOID


Today I'm going to share with you something that's going to seem
impossibly basic on the surface--almost bare-bones. 

But even though we may understand the fundamental basics of what
I'm going to talk about at the instinctive gut-felt level,
relatively few guys walking this Earth really get it right in
real-world interactions with others--men OR women.

Here's the thing:  Even though we know we should always GIVE more
than we TAKE during the course of social interactions, a shocking
number of guys in particular just can't seem to help
themselves...they've just GOT to be at least a little selfish.

And that's disastrous because coming off as selfish in social
situations means you might as well beat your chest and blatantly
proclaim your neediness to everyone around you.

Even subtle self-serving indications cause others to find someone
more important to talk to--in droves.

Here are three areas were MASSIVE faux pas tend to occur:



1)  Braggadocio


Years ago a country preacher named Jim Rayburn said, "People don't
care how much you know until they know how much you care."  Truer
words have never been spoken.

Believe me when I tell you that nothing in this whole wide world is
more BORING to a listener than being asked to endure your endless
droning on about how excellent you are.

Yes, I understand the temptation to expedite the process by which
the whole world is aware of your many exploits and accomplishments.

But you'll most certainly enjoy more warmly felt accolades from a
wider cross-section of your social circle if you let SOMEONE ELSE
tell the stories.

Give them room to be amazed on their own.  It'll work out better
for you in the long run...I promise.



2)  Showing Off


Do you feel the need to demonstrate to people how good you are at
stuff?

And what if someone else shows some talent?  Must you really hog
the spotlight and prove to everyone around you how your prowess
exceeds that of the other person?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, you're absolutely,
positively coming off as LESS cool to everyone you know than you
think.

In other words, that's being a douche.  By definition.

Don't be that guy.  Go ahead and celebrate someone else getting a
bit of recognition in the moment.  The time will come--perhaps in
the next friggin' five minutes, if you can just hold your
horses--when someone else will acknowledge your talents as well.

And even if that DOESN'T come to pass, rest assured that your quiet
resolve to remain cooler than any other needy guys around you will
ALWAYS pay rich dividends in the long run.



3)  Offering Unsolicited Advice
 

I have to tell you that this is by FAR the toughest one for me to
avoid personally.

After all, I see guys all around me blowing it with women all the
time.  All.  The. Time.

But life experience has told me that I can throw down the most
smokin' dating tips in the world to someone who did NOT ask me for
them and they'll go 100% unheeded.  In fact, I'll probably be
resented for offering to help.

Don't be fooled.  When you try to give advice to someone who didn't
ask for it, it's only going to bug them to no end that you opened
your big mouth.

Amazingly, you can even preface unsolicited advice in any way you
want--including humility and/or a straightforward acknowledgment
that you already realize you're being obnoxious--and it will yet be
met with indifference, if not utter hostility.

Come to think of it, I reconnected with an old friend from high
school on Facebook recently.  The first thing he did was ask me if
I was married and how many kids I had.  The next thing he did was
offer unsolicited marriage and parenting advice.

I'm realizing as I'm typing this that I haven't bothered to chat
with him again since.   What I'm telling you is no joke.

The only viable exception to the rule of withholding unsolicited
advice is when it's truly a matter of life and death.  If someone
is about to do something mortally stupid and you know better, then
it's definitely time to step in.  Who cares how you look socially
in that case, right?



Bragging, showing off and unsolicited advice are all under the same
umbrella, actually...and it's all about lack of empathy and lack of
concern for others (in other words, selfishness).

So how about it?  Can you bite your tongue when it comes to social
selfishness and lead others to feel comfortable talking about
themselves instead?  

It may take some serious doing at first, but as you get used to it
I'm positive you'll find that others around you--perhaps
ironically--find you to be a FAR more interesting person.
 
 
 
 

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