[X&Y] 7 Steps To Becoming More Confident

Published: Sat, 03/11/17

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IN THIS EDITION: Here's the very first newsletter from one of our new
coaches, Justin Stenstrom. Justin's an expert on confidence and
overcoming shyness...and he definitely walks the talk. Enjoy!

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THE BEST CONFERENCE FOR MEN ALL YEAR

Here's the thing about Justin. He happens to put on what is by far the
most worthwhile conference for men there is.

I spoke at it last year, and will again this year. If you go, you'll meet
both Justin and me, along with Claudia Cox and lots of other experts
in all areas that affect men the most.

The Elite Man Conference is in Boston in May, and you can find all
the details (and get your ticket) here:

Elite Man Conference

Last year I was particularly struck by how cool and laid-back the
vibe of this conference was. It's impressive, to say the least, and
lots of life-long friendships were made.

Don't expect some new-agey thing or a bunch of macho B.S. This
is all about high-quality men of character making a conscious
decision to be even better men.

You really should join us in May, especially if you're in the North
East.

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7 STEPS TO BECOMING MORE CONFIDENT

-- by Justin Stenstrom

Confidence is tough to figure out.

It took me years.

There were so many ups and downs and times where I fell flat on
my face learning how to become a confident man.

But through a lot of hard work and dedication I was finally able to
figure out how it all worked...and here are the 7 steps I used to do
so.

1. Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Every challenge in life is frightening. If it were not, it would not be
a challenge.

We fear failure. We all want to succeed in whatever we do. That’s
just how we’re wired as human beings.

But we can’t gain confidence in something without first attempting
it.

Many people would rather not attempt something challenging at all
rather than trying it and failing at it.

People often let the fear of failure dictate their lives. But if you want
to be successful in life, you have to get over this.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is critical in obtaining confidence.
If we all start pushing ourselves to do things we fear or things that
we may be uncomfortable doing, we’ll automatically gain confidence
in knowing that we have taken the first, and biggest step.

2. Befriend Bold People

“Birds of a feather flock together.” This old saying tells us that you act
like the people you hang out with. You tend to share the same
behaviors, actions, and even personalities with them.

Knowing this, it makes sense to hang out with positive people.

Don’t hang around negative friends, or downers who suck the energy
right out of you.

Instead, hang around bold, confident people if you want those
characteristics to rub off on you.

The more confident friends you have reiterating this positive emotion
to you throughout your day, the better your chance of displaying it to
the world.

3. Have Small “Wins”

You can’t get confidence overnight. It takes time.

That said, enjoy small “wins,” or small steps of doing things that give
you positive reinforcement.

For instance, if you were trying to get confidence in public speaking,
you wouldn’t expect to be able to give a 1-hour speech in front of
1,000 or so attendees at a Tedx conference. That would be insane.

What you would want to do, however, is work your way up to this
threshold. You’d start small, maybe at a Toastmasters group, and
give a speech to a handful of members.

This small step in the right direction would be a small “win” for you,
and just what you need to work your way up.

4. Intentionally Act Confident

Look, I know it’s not good to pretend to be certain things in life.

But when it comes to confidence, and the manifestation of it, there
is an exception.

Pretending to have confidence, at first anyways, is great for
experiencing what it feels like.

You see, many people have no idea what it’s like to have confidence
in a particular area of study. So instead of having the ideal nothing-
to-lose, bold attitude they alternatively have a meek, timid approach.

This often yields little in the way of success.

People don’t excel when they don't think they’re good enough.

So instead of being timid or afraid, be intentional about acting
confident and pretend to be bold if you have to.

Embrace this feeling of confidence and watch as this act becomes
something more. By doing this, soon enough you’ll have true
confidence.

5. Use Positive Affirmations Or Self-Hypnosis

Positive affirmations and hypnosis speak to the subconscious mind
—the part of the mind that you cannot typically control.

This subconscious mind, however, controls just about everything
you do.

From regulating your heartbeat, to expressing your emotions, to
controlling chemical reactions in your body, to signaling the neurons
in your brain.

These functions are all controlled by the part of the mind that you
cannot typically access. However, there is a way to tap into this
mysterious component of your brain. And that’s through affirmations
and hypnosis.

By going into a precisely relaxed state, scientists, hypnotists, and
affirmation specialists have found that you can access your
subconscious mind.

And by accessing it, you can make changes and override the
"coding" for a lot of the unconscious and automatic processes that
it controls.

These include weight loss, depression relief, anxiety release, stress
management, and oh yeah...confidence building.

This has been scientifically researched and documented as being
effective. Try it out when you get a chance, it really works!

6. Practice Whatever You Are Trying To Master

There is nothing quite like practice.

When trying to master something, really anything that takes some
form of skill to excel in, there is no substitute for practice.

The preparation and repetition that goes into doing something
and being ready for it gives you confidence like nothing else can.

When you go over something, over and over again, you get better
and better at it each time.

The mind/body connection grows stronger with each attempt. This
growth gives you unbelievable confidence; something that just
can’t be replaced.

7. Don’t Be Afraid To Mess Up

If you just appreciate that you are human, and that everyone messes
up in everything they do, you will get a certain confidence from this
realization.

Look, you are going to mess up. Sometimes you'll fail, even falling
flat on your face from time to time. Everyone does.

But if you can accept that you’ll fail and that you’ll mess up, you won't
be as scared to do so.

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself” as FDR once said. You
should take this sentiment and carry it with you always.

Whenever you embark on a new task, fear not! You may mess up,
but you can always get back on your feet. If you truly embrace this,
you’ll have a confidence about you that won’t fade.

Use these 7 tips now and take up a new challenge today. Don’t be
afraid to do something you’ve never tried.

Instead, take what you’ve learned and be confident in whatever you do.

- Justin Stenstrom

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