[X&Y] Repulsive

Published: Sun, 04/09/17


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IN THIS EDITION:  Too many guys are letting their confidence take
too much of a hit when a date doesn't go well.  Here's a great way
to reframe things when that happens... 

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REPULSIVE?


The other day I got an e-mail that really troubled me for some
reason.

I'd received countless others talking about a phenomenon similar to
what this guy was describing, but never one containing a certain
word he used in context:



  "I went out on a date with a girl this past week, but after our
  second date she didn't want to go out with me again.  She said I
  was a nice guy and everything, but that she just didn't think we
  we're a match.

  So I'm thinking she must have found me repulsive.  Is there any
  hope for a guy like me?"



It's not uncommon at all for guys to get down on themselves after
things don't exactly go well with a woman.

But what I want to strongly caution you about is really beating the
heck out of yourself in those cases.

Dude...if you're taking care of basic hygiene, have reasonably normal
social skills and generally have women's best interests in mind
you're most certainly NOT "repulsive".

That's a STRONG word.  "Repulsion" would pretty much indicate that
she's so turned off and disgusted by you that she's pretty much on
the verge of vomiting.

Come on now, man.  Are small children really running away screaming
whenever you go out in public?

If not, then you're off the hook for "repulsive".  Trust me on that
one.  Fair enough?

But here's the deeper point.

The guy who wrote me had actually gone on a second date with
the woman who later told him "no thanks".

Burn this fact into your psyche:  If she goes out on a date with
you, she has to be at least marginally interested in you...let alone
a second one.

Nobody--man or woman--agrees to meetings with MOTOS (members
of the other sex) that could potentially have romantic meaning if there
is anything negative being felt there, let alone "repulsion".

But wait.  The guy who'd written to me had actually gone on a
second date with her, too.

Believe me also when I tell you that if a second date happened then
she must have actually felt attraction at some level.

Second dates rarely happen in the total absence of mutual attraction,
especially when the people involved have plenty of options.

So what did happen, then, to mess things up?

Well, maybe our hero messed up somewhere and came off creepy in
a way that caused her to suddenly feel uneasy around him.

Or more likely, he persisted in keeping the conversation "neuter"
rather than acknowledging her femininity and feeling the freedom to
portray himself as masculine.

Maybe the truth is that they really weren't so compatible with each
other, it's just that it wasn't quite as clear to him yet as it was to her.

Whatever it was, it most certainly wasn't about his appearance.
And if you've ever gone on a date with a woman that doesn't end up
working out for whatever reason, it wasn't about yours either.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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