[X&Y] The #1 Sign Your Confidence Has Taken A Serious Hit (And How To Fix It)

Published: Wed, 05/24/17



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IN THIS EDITION:  Here's one really sure-fire way to tell if your
confidence has taken a hit...

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THE #1 SIGN YOUR CONFIDENCE HAS TAKEN A SERIOUS HIT


Okay, I have to warn you straight-up that a decent number of you
who read what I'm about to write today are going to furrow your
eyebrows and say, "What?  You've got to be kidding me.  Really?"

But I'm dead serious and I'm not kidding.  There are enough people
out there who suffer from the problem at hand that it's time to
cover it.

So hey...if it turns out this doesn't apply to you, so be it.  It's
all good and we'll pick up again tomorrow where we left off.

Onward.

What what to throw out on the table here is a truly bizarre way
that people who have MAJOR self-confidence problems tend to view
social situations with MOTOS (members of the other sex).

By now you've likely heard me talk about how certain guys allow one
negative comment from a woman they've put on a pedestal to
literally cripple their confidence for months, years, or even
decades.

For example, let's say a guy is self-conscious about a certain
limiting belief.  He then talks to a woman who drops this on him,
"Oh come on...don't you know that women HATE guys who are [insert
limiting belief here]?"

The guy then takes that one woman's comment as if she's just spoken
God's Truth on behalf of every single woman on Earth. Dejection
ensues.

Any rational third party who's looking on would most certainly tell
a guy who's thus affected to snap the hell out of it.  But the
self-talk of the self-conscious is often too strong for that to
make any difference.

Well, I've identified an even MORE insidious patter that's along
those same lines...but even more tragic.

Amazingly, if someone's self-confidence has REALLY been beaten down
they can actually talk themselves into believing that even POSITIVE
statements by others to them are actually nothing more than a
forced "pleasantry".

Even worse, they may see it as thinly-veiled sarcasm--if not a
"trap" designed to make it easy to ridicule them should they fall
for it.

That's right.  They start hearing POSITIVES as NEGATIVES.

This phenomenon is not gender-specific.  Nevertheless, we'll look
at it from the guy's perspective for the sake of convenience.

So for example, if a guy meets a woman she might smile and say,
"Hi.  Nice to meet you."  If the guy is afflicted by the
unfortunate problem I'm speaking of, he'll think to himself, "Yeah,
right...she's probably laughing her ass off at me inside.  She's just
being nice.  I bet she really can't wait until I leave so she
doesn't have to talk to me anymore."

I know, I know.  It's twisted, isn't it?  In the true sense of the
word, no less.

I've watched this happen before my very eyes.  You can just see the
file cards of "self-talk" being flipped through in the guy's mind,
even as a pretty woman is being perfectly friendly to him.

A woman might even go so far as to say, "You have pretty eyes" to a
guy, only for him to think, "Right.  She's just reaching for
whatever she can.  She thinks the rest of me is disgusting."

As crazy as all of this sounds, I'm not saying for a second that
the worst case scenario could NEVER happen.

I think we've all heard of those horrific "Heifer Night" deals
where some smart ass fraternity holds an event and the point is to
get the least attractive girl you can find to be your date.  Then
they get all the girls there and just humiliate them in public.

A LOT of innocent women have been pretty much scarred for life by
that stuff.

But notwithstanding that, I will say that in the VAST MAJORITY of
social situations you can and should take people at face value...even
beautiful women who you've somehow talked yourself into believing
are "out of your league".

If she says she's glad to meet you, you know what?  My guess is she
IS happy to meet you. 

And if she says you have pretty eyes, I'm thinking it's probably
because you have pretty eyes.

But the real question is can YOU take what she says at face value?
Or are you going to continue allowing yourself to doubt yourself
even when others are ACTIVELY trying to encourage you?

Next time, go ahead and take the risk of believing a woman MEANS
what she's saying.  Try simply saying, "thank you".

Remember, burning in silent rage because she's suddenly perceived
as having ill intentions isn't the reasonable or productive way to
handle things...nor is it the CORRECT one in the vast majority of
cases.

For what it's worth, neither is saying, "Oh no I don't." if she
compliments you or returning friendliness with self-protective
sarcasm.

Have you ever had someone respond to YOU that way?  It's kind of a
bummer, isn't it?

Instead, try a simple "thank you" or mirroring her positive
demeanor.  That's the best way to get on the road to recovery from
this hardcore confidence-killing problem.

My educated guess is that as you proactively take action in a more
socially conventional way, you'll soon figure out that everything
turns out FINE.  Your worst fears were unfounded.  Lo and behold,
people usually do MEAN what they say when they're being friendly
and/or complimentary.

And then, as if by magic, you'll see your confidence
improve...organically, without having to "fake it 'til you make it"
or anything like that.


 
 
 
 

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