[X&Y] "Oh Him? ...He's HARMLESS."
Published: Tue, 10/25/11
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: There's the infamous "JBF Zone", but then
there's the "Harmless Zone". Ouch.=====
PASSIONATE LOVER, PASSIONATE LIFE
A couple of days ago I kind of spelled it out in plain English for you.
If you want to be the kind of man who brings sexual PASSION to a
woman's life (which she craves), then you've GOT to be a man who's
passionate about who you are and how you're spending your time.
Yet, in today's busy world it's SO EASY to simply get up tomorrow
morning and do the SAME blasted thing we did today...which bored us
to tears.
There's no wonder, then, that you've responded so POWERFULLY to
Alex Allman's very cool Passionate Lover, Passionate Life program:
There's no doubt about it. You can take a quick look at Alex's web
site--and it could be an immediate "game changer" for you.
Or you could keep things the way they are...for better or worse. The
choice is yours:
Remember, gentlemen..."Hope is not a strategy". It's time to take a
bite out of life...once and for all. The women will love you for it,
literally.
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"OH HIM?...HE'S HARMLESS."
When two people are seeing each other and one isn't quite 'feelin'
it', the other is invariably about to get the 'Just Be Friends'
talk.
This, of course, is assuming we're not dealing with desperate,
clingy people who would rather 'settle' than be confronted with
having to meet someone else.
And 'nice guys' everywhere universally dread the 'JBF Talk', as
inevitable as it ends up being much of the time when a woman's
femininity fails to be ignited.
But there is a place even more dreadful than the 'JBF' zone.
Dreadful, yet oftentimes completely ignored as even a remote
possibility by most men.
After all, if you are imprisoned there you may not even realize
it--you may actually be naïve enough to believe you are getting
somewhere with the women you interact with.
And this, my brethren, is what makes this particular place even
more insidious.
Yes, indeed. If 'JBF' Is A 'Zone', Then 'Harmless' Is A 'Dungeon'.
You see, if you are given the 'JBF' lecture, then there's an
automatic assumption that at one point you at least were given a
chance romantically.
If you are 'Harmless', it's generally understood--probably by
EVERYONE--that you have NO CHANCE.
Not a snowball's chance in Yuma, AZ.
The crazy part of this dynamic, however, is that 'Harmless' guys
typically can get away with breathtaking displays of flirting with
drop-dead hotties--and actually get friendly responses from women.
Other guys around them are awestruck. How can THAT guy get so much
female attention?
Simple, Big Guy. He's HARMLESS.
You? If you were to flirt like that you would risk being taken
seriously, which unfortunately is way too much risk for most guys.
So how does a guy end up in the 'Harmless' category?
1) Too Young
One time a bunch of us were out at a restaurant that was
particularly known for hiring attractive waitresses. Someone's
eleven-year-old son began bantering with one such waitress in a
particularly forward manner.
Before his embarrassed Mom could bring herself to discipline him
for his 'rudeness', something bizarre had already started happening.
The waitress RESPONDED to the kid in kind, and even kissed him on
the cheek.
Preposterous! Nah...not really. He was HARMLESS...at least for
several more years (but that confidence will serve him well
someday).
2) Too "Grandfatherly"
Another time, back in the IT world, I worked in an office
that--again--was known for hiring attractive women.
One time, during one of those impromptu hallway 'meetings', a
very kind, paternal British gentleman mere months from his
retirement date wandered up and proclaimed, "I do declare,
NEVER have I seen such a FINE COLLECTION of EXTRAORDINARY
beauties in one office."
At that point, two of the referenced women exclaimed, "Awww!"
and kissed him on the cheek simultaneously.
One Armani-clad thirtysomething guy in the huddle responded by
blurting out, "Hey, what about me?"
Both women raised their eyebrows and one retorted, "Him? Stop
being jealous. He's Harmless."
Then they then wheeled around on their heels and walked away.
3) Famously Happily Married
If someone is blissfully happy in his or her married relationship,
and everyone knows it, there are certain--and sometime
strange--incidences when such a person can get away with jokes
and/or banter that nobody else could.
Usually, this is seen when there's a particularly quick wit and
a distinct lack of jealousy between spouses involved.
Some can just naturally get away with saying things to MOTOS
(Members Of The Opposite Sex), particularly among friends or in
the workplace, that others would never utter in a million years.
But it's okay. These people are HARMLESS.
4) Gay
When women OR men interact with MOTOS (members of the opposite sex)
who lead an alternative lifestyle, the flirtatious banter that can
sometimes occur can confuse the heck outta other people around.
Now you know why. Harmless.
5) Physically Uncared For, To The Extreme
If someone--particularly a guy--is morbidly obese, infirmed, poorly
groomed and/or extremely unattractive in any other way then he is
often considered HARMLESS by MOTOS.
Ironically, the more physically fit and sexually attractive a woman
is, the more likely she is to respond in a playful manner to
flirtatious banter from such a person--especially if she has an
outgoing personality.
Now you know why this goes on.
To a lesser degree this dynamic can be seen in reverse, but almost
always when the woman's personality makes her irresistibly fun to
be around...harmlessly.
6) Weak Personality, To The Extreme
Very shy, socially removed, and-or socially unskilled guys often
receive special attention from certain beautiful women, especially
very sweet and outgoing ones.
Such women inherently understand that these guys are likely getting
zero female attention, and therefore smile at them and hug them
because they're HARMLESS.
After all, such socially hamstrung guys won't be crazy enough to
act upon it or anything.
By now you've guessed that the first four bullet points above
aren't really negotiable--at least we tend to think not.
Granted, boys grow up, older guys can get "game" if they so choose
(the gentleman in the above scenario was not of that frame of
mind), marrieds aren't always immune to cheating, and those who are
gay may become bi-curious.
But generally speaking, those first four scenarios are safe-havens
for all involved.
It's points #5 and #6 that we can do something about.
If you have solid reason to believe that either of those last two
situations apply to you, and you wonder how you can be getting
female attention but NO DATES, now you know why.
I know this is where a lot of guys live on a daily basis, yet an
amazing number don't even realize it.
Just last night, Emily and I hit one of our favorite local casual
eateries. There they were: Two pretty young women with their
"harmless" guy friends--both of which were trying unsuccessfully to
believe they had a chance, much to the amusement of the ladies. So
yes...what we are talking about is very, very real.
While outlining what it takes for someone who can (and should) to
get out of the "Harmless Dungeon" is way beyond the scope of this
short piece, know for starters that it is absolutely possible--and
can be accomplished faster than most guys think.
My purpose today is specifically to shine a light on the
issue--which I've never read about ever elsewhere. For practical
advice on the matter, the Power Sessions series and/or the book
Deserve What You Want both deliver in great detail.
There is one key caveat to this conversation.
Someone out there is saying, "Yeah, but she gave me the 'JBF' talk
before we even went out...and all I did was simply express some
interest. And that was The Worst!"
Okay, granted. But that was no 'JBF' talk, at least as far as the
working definition we use around here.
In such case, you've been issued notice tantamount to the
following: "You are supposed to remain HARMLESS...so please stay
that way so we can forget this ever happened."
Call it a 'Harmless Talk in JBF Talk clothing'.
And what if you are finding that MOTOS are completely disgusted
with you and avoid you at all costs?
Okay, you've got me there. Yeah, well... that's just flat-out
'creepiness'. That's the worst 'zone' of all. We've already
discussed that one at great length in the past (see newsletter
archives and a certain episode of XYotF).
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
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