[X&Y] 5 Women Who'll Never, Ever Change...And You Can't Make Them [20/20 Foresight Here]
Published: Mon, 01/16/12
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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IN THIS EDITION: Leading in a relationship is one thing. Getting
a woman to do what she doesn't want to do--or can't do--is a wholedifferent story. Find out the difference...
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AFTER YOU MEET HER AND GET A DATE, HOW DO YOU KEEP HER AROUND?
As you know, The Leading Man program is the definitive toolkit on
how to manage relationships with high quality women.
And if you want lock down that "revolving door of women" in your
life and make sure you get past the first and second dates with the
ones you really like, then this is for you.
Well, as fortune would have it, the newest bonus audio program to
The Leading Man is called "How To Cheat-Proof Your Relationships
With Women".
In it, I'll not only show you how to tell if a woman is cheating on
you or not, I'll help you make sure IT NEVER HAPPENS to begin with.
And there's MUCH, MUCH more in there beyond that...believe me.
Whether you want to date multiple women or once or keep a steady
girlfriend thrilled long-term, you're covered.
Now, if you already have The Leading Man, check the Member's Area
because it's all waiting there for you.
And if you DON'T have The Leading Man yet, I've just made it MUCH
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That's right. Between now and Wednesday night, 1/18 at 11:59 PST
(GMT -8) use the coupon "lead50" when ordering and I'll give you
The Leading Man for half price. Just enter the code in the "coupon code" space and hit "recalculate".
The discount will appear before your very eyes.
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So if you're ready to start WEARING THE PANTS in your relationships
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Seriously, don't let any more BLOWN CHANCES with high-quality women
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5 WOMEN WHO'LL NEVER, EVER CHANGE...AND YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM
Within the past week or so I've heard from several different guys
who share a common sticking point: Their most recent relationships
had failed miserably, and they were wondering what they could have
possibly done wrong.
That in and of itself is nothing particularly unusual.
The amazing (and unfortunate) part, however, was that each of the
guys I talked to was trying to come to grips with a problem that,
well...wasn't really THEIRS.
In each respective scenario, the guy was beating himself up for
perceived lack of leadership...when in fact the relationship was
doomed from the start.
And by "doomed", I mean WITH or WITHOUT his input.
Sure, as men we absolutely, positively should be The Leading Man.
Women want us to have a plan. They're depending on us to make wise
decisions. And they generally respect a man who has their best
interests at heart and creates safety and security in their lives.
But dude...sometimes you just can't "flip a switch".
No matter how skillful we are as relationship managers and no
matter how smart we are, there are times when we just flat-out
cannot "will something" into being so.
Indeed, women are fellow human beings, not robots. And every
human being is born with free will.
You can be influential in a woman's life in many ways, but in other
ways you're beating your head against the wall if you try.
A crucial skill, therefore, for any man to learn is how to know the
difference between what you CAN possibly influence (at least
theoretically) and what you CAN'T.
Today, I'm going to give you five examples of situations where your
leadership is practically guaranteed to be 100% INEFFECTIVE in a
relationship...regardless of what you do. Here goes:
1) She's Addicted
Sure, I know you want to save the world. And I understand it's
incredibly painful to realize that a woman you really like is a
slave to something beyond her ability to control.
And it's even MORE painful to watch that addiction ruin her.
But you've got to realize that when something has a hold on a
person like that--be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or whatever--it's
likely going to take something bigger than YOU to get it in check.
Usually that's a "rock bottom" experience of some sort. And yes,
that low point may come when you leave her. Then again, maybe not.
But if you take personal responsibility for her addictions, you're
fighting a low-probability battle. And if you look the other way
hoping she somehow changes someday, that makes you "co-dependent".
Either way, don't plan on a healthy, happy relationship.
2) She Has Mental Health Issues
If you know my personal story, you know this one hits close to
home.
After seven years of my doing my level best to be a great husband,
my first wife left me.
Shortly thereafter, she was diagnosed with a severe mental illness.
Blaming her for what happened is essentially the same as blaming
someone for having Cerebral Palsy. So forgiving her was easy.
But even though forgiving HER was easy, I later figured out that
forgiving MYSELF for "failing" wasn't.
Only after I allowed myself to believe that I couldn't really
hamfist the situation into a different outcome was I able to move
on, and rightly so.
3) She Has A Different Core Belief System
If you have a particularly strong world view but hers is
dramatically different than yours, you might as well come to grips
with your inherent incompatibility sooner than later.
Obviously, religious beliefs come to mind first here. And no
doubt, incompatibilities there are deal-breakers...no matter how hot
she is.
While there's a fair share of "missionary daters" out there, I've
typically found that it's guys who are atheist or agnostic who let
basic religious incompatibility slide. But make no mistake: If
there are differences, then there will be MAJOR hassles.
Political differences, cultural differences and even opinions
regarding child rearing (or even whether or not to have children at
all) all classify.
And oh...by the way, if one of you values monogamy and other not so
much? That counts also.
4) She's Creeped Out By You
A potential relationship can indeed survive a few botched social
details early on. And I'll share those with you next time.
But one situation that I can assure you is TRULY IRRECOVERABLE is
when you've creeped a woman out.
If you invade her space, talk about weird or dark stuff, stare at
her with your mouth hanging open, or ANYTHING ELSE that generally
convinces her that you are NOT TO BE TRUSTED--and more of a THREAT
to her personal safety than a man who can help ensure it--you're
DONE.
Once she gets the "heebie-jeebies", it's a terminal condition as
far as your relationship with her is concerned.
Thing about it: When was the last time YOU were attracted to a
woman who creeped YOU out? And you don't even have to worry about
your personal security on dates like a woman does, either.
5) She's Made Mistakes In The Past That You Can't Wrap Your Head
Around
When we're young, we're idealistic. And as we get older, it's a
simple fact that we rack up some mistakes here and there over time.
But wherever we are as guys, it's almost a statistical certainty
that you're going to find out something about a woman you're dating
that you wish you hadn't found out.
Or...if you're GLAD you found it out, you at least WISH it had never
happened.
And when it happens, you're going to have to have figured out ahead
of time what constitutes a "deal breaker" to you versus what you'll
have to absorb and let go.
If you find out she has slept with 30 or 40 guys instead of 3 or 4,
how will you respond?
If you find out she spent two months in jail a few years ago, what
will your reaction be?
If it's your third date and she all of the sudden announces she has
two children, then what?
One thing I can't do for you is make your list of "deal breakers"
on your behalf. That's a very personal thing.
But one thing YOU can't do for a woman in your life is erase HER
past mistakes.
Maybe her lifestyle and her decision making processes are way
different now than they were in the past. Maybe she's truly sorry
and not proud of what has happened.
All of that may indeed have an impact on how you handle the
situation. And hey, you've probably made your own fair share of
mistakes also.
But what's done is done. That much is certain.
Now listen...I fully realize that in a very real way what I've just
shared is very hard to read.
I mean, we meet a beautiful woman with whom we have amazing,
Earth-shattering chemistry and we really want the relationship to
work. I get that.
But as soon as we realize that a firmly held belief in our power to
change someone else's thoughts and processes in the areas we just
discussed is tantamount to pure arrogance, the better off we'll all
be.
Actually, it's sort of beyond arrogance. It's IGNORANCE. Simply
put, how miserable are we going to make ourselves before we finally
WAKE UP?
Gentlemen, part of effectively managing relationships is avoiding
the WRONG women to begin with.
Being able to quickly assess whether any particular woman is
potentially able to be one half of a great relationship along with
you is a valuable skill.
And remember, you CANNOT deserve what you want without it.
Granted, you can be a great guy in every way. But if you choose
the wrong woman you're still going to deserve what you get.
And simply put, if you DON'T WANT to get roped in to a relationship
with a woman who is wrong for you long-term, you've absolutely,
positively got to know how to manage relationships from minute one.
No doubt, The Leading Man is essentially a VERY cost-effective
insurance policy designed to save you thousands later at the hands
of divorce lawyers.
But that aside, wouldn't you really rather get a GREAT WOMAN in
your life from the very beginning? Now THAT'S what I'M talking
about:
The guys who have the most evolved skills with women tend to be the
ones living the most satisfying lives.
And I'll give you a hint: Pickup skill only takes you part of the
way.
When you get right down to it, pickup lasts for ten minutes. These are the
skills that last FOREVER... (Remember, use the code "lead50" for 50% off):
I'll be back atcha soon, when I'll show you some very empowering
ways you REALLY CAN influence a terrific woman toward maximizing
her terrific relationship potential.
And how gratifying will it be to know that the woman in your life
is at her very best relative to what any of her previous boyfriends
ever had a chance to experience?
Find out next time...
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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