[X&Y] Are You An Artist, Or Just "Painting By Numbers"?
Published: Fri, 12/09/11
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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IN THIS EDITION: Is the "paint by numbers" approach enough to get
you somewhere with women? Possibly, at least in the short term. But why not turn your skills with women into a true work of art
instead?
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FIVE YEARS AGO TODAY
In case you missed yesterday's newsletter, today marks the 5th
anniversary of the day Emily and I "tied the knot".
To celebrate the simple fact that you too can look forward to
having the greatest woman you've ever met in your life sooner than
later, I've activated a new coupon code.
And as a BUNCH of you have already figured out since yesterday, it
packs some unprecedented power.
Just enter the code "5years" for an instant 50% off of ANY e-book,
program or even bundle in the X & Y Communications Store:That's right. This is literally a HALF OFF promo on anything and
everything you've, well...been waiting for a 50% off promo on.
You'll find the "Coupon Code" field on every order page.
That includes The Leading Man, The Master Plan, The Difference, The
Man's Approach, The Engineer's Guide To Being Cooler Than The
Salesguy and ALL the other X & Y Communications books and programs
found here:
You can even use the "5years" coupon code more than once, if you'd
like.But no matter what, you've got to use it by midnight PST on
Saturday night when it expires (that's tomorrow).
If something catches your eye and you've got questions about it,
drop me a note at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com. Remember, I
personally guarantee results with an unconditional 365-day
money-back promise.
If you're new around here, you can get all the details you need on
any of my books or programs here:
Just use the links on the left-hand side to navigate.
And now, let's talk about what happens when our approach to women
is built totally on a "step-by-step" basis...
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ARE YOU AN ARTIST, OR JUST "PAINTING BY NUMBERS"?
Listen up. I fully understand that we all want quick and dirty
answers in life.
We tend to respond eagerly to marketing messages that tell us how
our pain "isn't our fault" and that the cure is as easy as falling
out of bed in the morning.
We all want the "Easy Button", right?
There's only one problem with all of that.
The proposed solutions rarely work...especially over the long term.
Sure, if you're starting from Square One when it comes to your
skills with women, some very objective basics can work wonders.
If you've never done a cold approach before, the right opener can
indeed change that for you.
If you need a better grasp of when a woman is ready to be kissed,
knowing the signs to watch out for (e.g. her playfulness, touching
and/or getting closer to you) can work wonders.
But let's face it. If you've got 50 pounds to lose, it's not going
to "melt off overnight".
If you want to get rich, it's not going to happen within the next
two weeks as you drink pina-coladas while relaxing on the beach.
And if you really want to attract high-quality women and manage
relationships with them in masterful fashion, you just can't recite
a bunch of lines.
Yet, even as some guys aspire to be "artists" (pickup or
otherwise), what they sometimes really settle for is PAINTING BY
NUMBERS.
And painting by numbers isn't exactly "art", now is it?
I see this sort of thing all the time. Guys are following very
objective steps "by the book" according to what they've seen or
read somewhere--anywhere--and not understanding why the desired
results aren't happening.
It can take several forms. Perhaps there's the "cocky" without the
"funny", resulting in a guy wondering why women aren't responding
to raw insults with "instant, uncontrollable attraction".
Or maybe "Mr. Nice Guy" reads about how "women love jerks" and
swings his pendulum to the opposite extreme...only to be left more
bitter toward women than ever.
All of this is the result of reading or hearing random bits and
pieces on "how to pickup women" and attempting to apply them in a
linear fashion to every single situation with every woman.
It ends even more poorly when guys attempt to apply a half-baked
understanding of those strategies--even if the teaching is perfectly
solid. Ouch.
You know what? I don't think most guys who are under performing
with women are bad guys. I don't even believe they're necessarily
as bad with women as they think they are.
The truth is that guys like that are probably only doing exactly
what they THINK they read was the right thing to do.
With practice, they'll learn what isn't working (the hard way) and
get more effective with women. And hey, at least they're
PRACTICING instead of just sitting around reading.
I give any guy in such a situation all the credit in the world for
that.
But where paint-by-numbers will turn into true artistry for him
(and for the rest of us also) is when he realizes that objective
strategies ultimately won't cut it with women.
After all, women are human beings like we as men are. That means
applying some of the more subjective truths about social skill,
character and masculine presence in general HAS GOT to take
precedence over any step-by-step tactics.
You can begin to "see the light" here by putting the proverbial
shoe on the other foot.
For starters, if WE wouldn't respond positively to what we're
saying to women, there's solid reason to believe THEY WON'T EITHER.
Similarly, if WE would feel pushed and/or swindled if treated a
certain way, we shouldn't exactly expect women to get the "warm
fuzzies" if we feed them the same.
This all isn't necessarily hard to grasp, it simply means that we
have to be a bit more flexible in our ability (and even our
willingness) to meet the challenge of interacting with every woman
we meet (and indeed, EVERYONE we meet) on an individual basis.
We've also got to actually LIKE women in order to expect them to
LIKE us back. They follow our lead, remember?
But you can't recite from of a manual. And you can't FORCE that
leadership on them.
So how about it? Can you put aside the "paint by numbers
approach", even if it potentially means leaving your
comfort/familiarity zone with women?
Can you trust your genuine, authentic "Big Four" self to come
through for you on the fly every time you're with a new and
uniquely individual woman?
It's all about making a woman feel comfortable in your presence.
It's all about igniting her femininity with your masculinity even
as you respect her basic inalienable rights as a fellow human
being--without pushing, without cajoling.
It's all about believing your personality WORKS...whether you are in
the presence of a woman you are attracted to or not.
If your mindset is such, you are well on your way to leaving the
paint by numbers approach behind and achieving true artistry.
Have a great weekend, guys.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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