[X&Y] How Do Other People See You? <--Learn This Skill
Published: Mon, 02/20/12
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Relax...you may actually deserve more of what you
want already than you think. Read this...you'll be glad you did.=====
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up.=====
CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF AS OTHERS SEE YOU?
You as a human being are in a remarkable position. Have you ever
considered how wild it truly is that out of six billion plus human
beings just like you on this planet, you will only ever see light
through the eyes of ONE of them?
You are confined to your own physical being, at least as far as the
laws of physics apply in this life.
The metaphysics of all this are, of course, a subject better suited
to some other newsletter that is not about dating and relationships.
Fair enough.
But since we ARE focused like a laser on your total, utter and
massive success in the dating world--up to and including complete
control over your dating life--you'd best believe that there is
tremendous value in exploring this concept more deeply from that
certain perspective.
So many of us are limited in our belief that we can possibly
deserve the kind of partner we want.
Going way beyond "approach anxiety"...going way beyond "getting beat
by a girl" and indeed way beyond anything you've ever heard until
now, it can be safely assumed that much of the problem is directly
attributable to how you see yourself vs. how you see others.
Here's what I mean.
You know every intimate detail of your own thoughts, fears and
weaknesses--as well as your strengths, of course.
You're also well informed regarding your own darkest secrets.
Every imperfection, every prurient thought, every doubt and every
single blasted thing that would bring utter humiliation if others
knew.
Armed with this knowledge, what do you do? You go out and become
completely disarmed by a beautiful and apparently "perfect"
creature of the opposite gender. In your mind, she is flawless.
Then comes the vortex of self-doubt.
"Oh man...I could never be in HER league. She's a veritable vision
of perfection...and I can't even get into an elevator without feeling
claustrophobic, come from a foreign country, need a haircut, have a
big nose, have spring allergies, say stupid things when nervous,
masturbate twice a day, chew my toenails in private and/or once
cheated on a math test."
So once again you talk yourself out of being successful.
Erstwhile, your "vision of perfection" is inside her own state of
being thinking, "Girl...get yourself TOGETHER! Your panty lines are
showing, you have stupid looking ears, are habitually late for
work, snort when you laugh, have two crooked teeth and wear contact
lenses. NO WONDER you've been dateless for a month now!"
Crazy stuff, isn't it? If only we could see inside each other's
heads. Better yet, if only we could read the thoughts of others
regarding US.
Well, you can't do that. There's no "cartoon bubble" or holographic
screen hovering over other people's heads revealing all their
personal foibles.
But here are three simple exercises you CAN do:
1) Eliminate private knowledge as a "limiting factor"
First and foremost, realize that your private thoughts are NOT
public. Nobody else can evaluate you by them, so STOP using them
against yourself. They do not exist in the minds of others because
they CANNOT.
2) Take notes regarding how others respond to you
Next, consider the comments you receive from people. Where you
hear patterns repeated, believe what you are hearing. If pointing
to ways you can better yourself, DO SO and deserve what you want.
If you hear recurring positive comments and/or see recurring
positive reactions to your presence and/or interactions, begin to
recognize the truly positive manner in which others perceive you.
This sounds so simplistic, yet how many of us go home and obsess
over self-perceived "negatives" that we are repeatedly told are
POSITIVES?
If in doubt, begin to pay careful attention to this dynamic in your
life. Note the PATTERNS that you detect, and trust them.
3) Pretend you are walking in the shoes of someone you find attractive
Okay, here's the "power ball". Ready?
My guess is that when you encounter a woman who really motors your
sexual attraction levels, she's actually more "perfectly imperfect"
than "perfect".
The next time you are practically paralyzed by attraction, I want
you pretend for a moment that you're HER instead of yourself.
In your darkest, most self-critical thoughts, what would you be
most self-conscious about?
Go ahead and in your blind attraction make an effort to approach
that concept with sober judgment.
You will likely identify an entire litany of faults and potential
attitudes that would make her VERY insecure, at least theoretically.
Ironically, you may find yourself recognizing traits and/or
features that some people may be self-critical about but which are
at the same time EXACTLY what is making you so hot for her. It's
strange for sure. But it is an EYE OPENER.
What we're really exposing here is a dark corner of human
ARROGANCE.
We somehow believe that our own self-pronounced judgments both
AGAINST ourselves and FOR others somehow carry greater weight than
everyone else's, don't we?
That's exactly what ends up limiting us, yet we really yours or
mine is only one of over six billion different perspectives--be
it towards ourselves or others.
Allow yourself to open up to seeing others' perspectives for a
change.
Do so and enjoy the shock when you finally do meet someone who
knocks you out...and you realize very quickly as you get to know
her that many of the insecurities you saw from their potential
perspective are actually ACTIVELY present in theirs.
And feel the power and joy of being able to share with her what
others--namely YOU--see instead. How cool is that?
Usually you'll hear me harp on deserving what you want. Today you
get a breather. Today I've let you in on a secret: You may
already deserve WAY, WAY more than you have been giving yourself
credit for.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
WARNING: If you're frustrated by your lack of online dating
success, DO NOT QUIT. The secrets to meeting exactly the womenyou want are on the way:
Get ready to dominate your metro area on the online dating site
of your choice. Online Dating Domination 2.0 is coming in early
March 2012.(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
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