[X&Y] JBF Zone? This Is More Like The JBF Nation.
Published: Wed, 10/10/07
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com (www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
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IN THIS EDITION: Are you willing to sacrifice your very dignity
for the companionship of MOTOS? If you can relate to what you are
about to read in any way, shape or form it's time for IMMEDIATE
action. Read on...
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VIRTUOSITY SPECIAL: Guys, some of you missed out on the
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No tricks, tactics or gimmicks...just character-based readiness for
ultimate success with women. It's all here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity/newsletter
Now, on to one of the most poignant letters I've received in a long
time. Fair warning: if you think the beginning of the letter is
troublesome you will likely be picking your jaw up off the floor in
utter disbelief by the time you are done reading it. Yet, what is
written about goes on ALL THE TIME so pay careful note. If any
part of it sounds familiar, my sincere hope is that today's
newsletter will serve as a clear wake up call. And NO...this stuff
is NOT gender-specific. Ladies, if you lead a life anything like
this guy's, everything in my answer is fully transferable...
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
"JBF Zone"? Try "JBF Nation".
Hi Scot,
I was looking for your advice on my current situation.
I have a room mate who has lived with me for 1 1/2 years. When she
moved in we got along great and she even told me she loved me. But
the love never has translated into a relationship in a romantic
sense. Lately she has become very dominant...to the point where she
was telling me when to go to bed.
I'm a patient guy but I could only take so much and the last time
she got an attitude with me I a blew up at her and told her to stop
it. This ended up in an argument that lasted for a long time.
Most of the arguing was on her side after I said what I had to say
and quit arguing.
After a few days we went and talked to a mutual friend of both of
us. We both agreed we were wrong about certain things and said we
would wipe the slate clean. Prior to the meeting she said she was
going to look for a place to move to. She has told me she is
moving out at the end of the month. I re-apologized for some of
the things I said the other evening and she said the slate was
clean and that me apologizing was like pouring salt in the wound.
She acts nice to me now but still plans on moving out the end of
the month. I sent flowers to her work to try to create an
atmosphere that could help create a real relationship. She liked
the flowers and all the attention she got from the other girls in
the office. Also in our conversation with our mutual friend she
said that I had never asked her out. Many times in the past 3
years we have went out but I didn't say "do you want to go out with
me". I would say "do you want to go to the movies" or something
like that. So she said we were just hanging out not dating.
I have given her a few small gifts in the past 2 weeks. 2 days ago
I gave her a pearl necklace. She opened the box and said we have
to talk. She said "we have hung out a lot in the past 3 years and
I look at you as a friend". This is after she said I never asked
her out?
I really don't want her to move out but don't know how to get her
to want to be in a relationship with me.
If she moves out it will be a financial struggle for her and on top
of that she doesn't have a car. So I was helping her out a lot
with rides to work,, etc. and letting her stay with me no charge.
It looks like she still has hurt feeling from all that has happened
in the past even though she says the slate is clean, otherwise she
probably wouldn't want to move under the circumstances.
Any idea on how to mover her in to a relationship and keep her with
me in 2 weeks?
Thanks,
Brett
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OK Brett, here it is.
Notwithstanding operational semantics, THERE IS NO "RELATIONSHIP".
Not only are you not this woman's boyfriend, I doubt you're really
even her friend. It's time to wake up here. You are PAYING HER
WAY IN LIFE, and she doesn't offer you anything in return. This is
the classic end-game representation of manipulation. You give and
give some more, and she ends up completely in charge. Yet YOU are
the one feeling a "guilt trip".
Think of it this way. You are GIVING AWAY EVERYTHING to her, yet
you are concerned about what happens if she leaves? She doesn't
have a car. She doesn't have a job. YET...she orders you around
and even tells you when to go to bed? What, is that her "job"...and
one that you pay her well for, no less?
You have an "employee", Brett. And my firm opinion is that she is
in need of a change in career path. What is going on here doesn't
even qualify you as the "sexless boyfriend".
But let's put all of these important factors aside for a brief
moment.
On top of all else, your dating life has been literally hamstrung
for the past year and a half. There are at least two reasons for
this. First there's the simple fact that no woman whom you could
potentially have had a real relationship with during that time
would have been okay with the fact that you...uh...have ONE ROOMMATE
WHO'S FEMALE. Second, any hope of a real dating life has been
squelched because she has TRAINED YOU TO BE SUBSERVIENT.
There is no option for you right now but to break free of this.
She is doing you a favor by leaving. It may be difficult to see
that right now, but keep reading these newsletters and listening to
the podcasts and you'll be crystal clear in no time. To be
completely honest, I would have been much happier to read that you
finally had saw the light and were kicking her out. The fact that
this is actually allowed to be her own decision...and that you are
EVEN NOW attempting to buy her attraction with flowers and
expensive gifts practically cajoles my lunch to the surface.
By the way, of COURSE she is telling you she liked the flowers. OF
COURSE she likes how her co-workers reacted. That changes NOTHING
in the attraction department.
Oh wait...maybe it does. It makes things even BLEAKER for you.
That's why you got a "talk" after giving her the necklace. That
talk wasn't simply a "JBF Talk", it was the "Post JBF Talk".
That's the sit-down you get that goes something like this: "Look,
didn't we go over this before? You're supposed to remain harmless,
remember? Fine, then. Now you stay in line from now on, okay?"
The bottom line is that women do not feel attraction for men they
cannot respect. Mark that. There never was anything romantic
going on here, and never will be. Your flowers and pearl necklaces
only served to dig your pit even deeper. You have built an
impermeable position as a powerless beggar here, and that NEVER
WORKS with women.
And If she mentioned that you "haven't asked her out" to someone
else, that was meant as a flimsy shield against the bright light
that would shine on her manipulative nature were anyone to really
know the fullness of what goes on (or doesn't?) between you two.
As long as she has your timid nature to keep her warm at night, she
can make that excuse all day long. But rest assured, she knows
exactly where you stand.
Do us all proud, Phil and tell this user/manipulator not to let the
door hit her on the way out. She has no feelings for you.
Man up and deserve a great woman. It can happen for you sooner
than you think with some simple changes in habits and in the
decisions you make. For example, change the habit of being passive
with your generous spirit and make the decision NOT to be anyone's
doormat. Great women of character will love you for it, as ironic
as that sounds to you right now.
Be Good,
Scot
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THE CHICK WHISPERER #14: It's on the loose, folks. All-around
cool guy Cameron Teone stops by to talk about his days at Project
Hollywood and how his thinking on women has evolved since. You do
not want to miss this episode, and you won't as long as you hit
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155493 or the feed at http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
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A NEW X & Y ON THE FLY IS COMING SOON: We know you liked that
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Sex Has Harder Challenges When It Comes To Dating?" Do men have it
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