[X&Y] That "Talk To Children" Voice
Published: Fri, 10/26/07
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com (www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
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IN THIS EDITION: Here's at least one case where everything you've
ever learned about body language and rapport just might be WRONG...
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"IF YOU DID SOMETHING ON 'HOW TO GET A WOMAN TO THINK ABOUT YOU
CONSTANTLY', I'D BE FIRST IN LINE TO GET IT":
This week I added a killer co-hosted session with none other than
Zan Perrion to the Virtuosity program.
As you probably know, Zan is known for talking extensively about
being a "natural" when it comes to skills with women. Having
asked several of you guys what you'd LOVE to hear Zan and I talk
about, it seems a lot of us as guys want to know how to keep our
cool when we meet a woman who knocks our socks off. AND...instead of
obsessing about her, what's the secret to getting HER to think
about US all the time for a change? With all of that in mind, we
decided to do an epic, full-length program entitled: "How To Make
Her Think About You Constantly: Emotional Management vs.
Desperation And Trickery".
When the dust had cleared from this one, Zan matter-of-factly
stated, "Wow, man. There's a lot of stuff in there that I've never
ever talked about before." Indeed. Such is the nature of
Virtuosity. Non-stop original content designed to GIVE YOU what
you SIMPLY WILL NOT FIND anywhere else, now from over 30
world-class experts.
Oh, by the way...within 48 hours you can also count on an all-new
BONUS LENGTH track in the Online Dating Domination section. In it
I will finally spill the beans on every single lurid detail
regarding what it takes to become the absolute MOST SUCCESSFUL man
in your entire city on the online dating site of your choice. You
don't hear too many superlative claims from me, but this would be
the exception. I have seen this happen with my own eyes, and now
I'm sharing exactly how YOU CAN DO THE SAME...all in one neatly
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It's all part of the ever-expanding Virtuosity program. Find out
more at: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity
Now on to this week's newsletter...
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THAT "TALK TO CHILDREN" VOICE
I was visiting earlier today with yet another new friend of mine
who will soon be a part of the Virtuosity series. One of his
specialties is body language and "semiotics"... that ultra-cool study
of the "signals" we as humans send each other, even unconsciously.
Basically, the real-world truth is that if you can get some of this
stuff down it's like having super powers when it comes to relating
to others, especially when it comes to measuring a woman's interest
level. So this was a truly engaging conversation, without a doubt.
So later this afternoon, with my mind tuned in to this subject
already, I happened to notice that someone left the TV on again in
the living room. One of those dating reality shows was on, and
in it, something fascinating was happening. A guy was talking to
a woman, apparently attempting to flirt with her.
Nothing new there. But this was a particularly curious example.
The gal was one of those hotties who in MTV production-speak
"appears between 18-24". As fortune would have it, she was also
petite, smiley, and had one of those high-pitched happy-go-lucky
voices that tends to make other women's eyes roll, but to some (if
not most) guys represents some sort of innocent, fun "cuteness"
that tends to drive them wild.
So she was bouncing about her business, with the guy following her
around running game on her.
And to my utter, complete horror he was talking to her in the same
exact tone and inflection that she was using.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don' t really think this was that guy's
usual style. It's just that when we are wrapped up in pursuing
what's commonly known as "rapport", we as humans tend to use
"mirroring" behaviors as a way of building common ground. We can
do this either consciously or unconsciously.
And the thing is, this is typically a GOOD IDEA. Anyone who has
ever been coached ahead of some key face-to-face meeting like, say,
a job interview, has been taught this sort of strategy. You know
the drill: "When the interviewer changes his/her seating position,
change yours to the same." "When he or she nods, nod also." "If
the interviewer uses a certain style or cadence of speech, follow
his or her example." Like I said, this usually affects the
intended results (i.e. rapport, trust, etc.) like magic.
There's only one problem with this strategy as it relates to the
"dating show" situation above. And that's this issue we've come to
know affectionately as "Igniting Femininity With Masculinity".
If you're a true grizzled veteran of online dating (relatively
speaking), you may remember how Match.com at one time included
"baby talk" in its litany of selections under "turn on/turn offs".
They quickly discontinued it. This probably had something to do
with the fact that 99.999% of all women had it checked as a "turn
off". Meanwhile, most guys don't use those ridiculous checkboxes
anyway, if they know what's good for them. So essentially, it was
a moot option.
Women can't stand it when men "baby talk" them. Following
logically, this also means that women probably also can't stand it
when men "mirror" their feminine, "cutie-pie" voice inflection.
Think this doesn't apply to you? Check yourself. It can creep in
before you even realize what has happened...to the most masculine of
men, no less.
Years ago I used to live in one of those apartment complexes with
the notoriously thin walls. Beside me lived a city police officer
and his wife, who happened to fit the aforementioned MTV girl's
persona fairly closely. On weekend mornings, I'd wake up not to
sounds of orgasmic pleasure from other side but rather to
plaintive, sweet wailings of "C'mon honeeee....puh-leeeze? Don't you
want meeee? Why don't you want to tryyy thaaat???
Awwww....c'mon....Whyyy nawwwt??" You guessed it. It was HIS voice,
not HERS. And this guy seemed like a decent enough man when I saw
him around...he was a cop for Heaven's sake.
Well, it wasn't long before she kicked him out. Go figure. But in
his mind, my guess is that he didn't even realize how he sounded.
He was just relating to his wife in a manner that to him signaled
rapport.
So how do we as guys get so blind to this? Maybe it has to do with
the fact that we talk to small children like this all the time.
And puppies. I guess. Hey, it was good for Mr. Rogers, so that
must be how it's done. Every guy who doesn't have kids of his
own--or even nephews and nieces--basically goes "Fred Rogers" on
every little kid he meets due to sheer lack of practice. And yeah,
that's a particularly large number of us guys, isn't it?
My own personal epiphany on this issue came a couple of years ago
when my then five-year-old daughter was living with me full-time.
One of my female friends noted that I essentially talked like
Justin B. Frenzione (see "Nice Guys Need Love Tooooo" Comedy-Cast
on iTunes) to her. I responded by stating, "Well she's a kid...so I
talk to her like a kid." Female Friend didn't miss a beat in
retorting with, "Yeah well, I'm a cute redhead in a sundress but I
don't hear you talking to me like you're...um...a cute redhead in a
sundress."
Indeed.
So I tried talking to my daughter in the same tone of voice I speak
in to everyone else...even if the subject matter itself is slightly
different. The result? No more discipline issues. The kid has
almost super-human self-confidence. And I'm basically her hero, or
so she tells me.
But this isn't about parenting, it's about YOU pulling wild success
with cute redheads in sundresses. Just like my daughter needed a
DAD, even the petite cuties want a MAN. This means that you keep
your identity in check and resist every urge to "mirror" her
inflections or (need I say this?) her mannerisms. Keep your
identity as a MAN intact that you've been deserving what you want
with elsewhere. She'll respond powerfully. Either that, or if she
has a similar problem she'll start talking to you in a gruff voice
with her eyebrows furrowed.
I saw your reaction to that last statement. Yikers. It sort of
puts everything in perspective. Men love women. Women love men.
Deserve.
Be Good,
Scot
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TEN-PLUS DIRECT COACHING = GUARANTEED GREATNESS: More and more of
you are calling us, and the theme is a recurring one: You're doing
OKAY with the opposite sex, but now it's time to GO FOR THE VERY
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attention and you will settle for nothing less than a fine-tuned,
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you've ever met. If this sounds familiar, then schedule some time
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regardless of time zone. Results are guaranteed.
YESSIREE...A NEW X & Y ON THE FLY: We know you liked that episode
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RECOMMENDED READING: http://www.dating-resources.net
is the site where we've put all of the expanded works from our
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Joseph Matthews, Michael The Dating Wizard, Marie Forleo,
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