[X&Y] The Secret To Understanding The Opposite Sex
Published: Wed, 12/05/07
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog
(www.edumckaytion.com/blog)
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IN THIS EDITION: Think men and women can't possibly figure each
other out? It's time to start thinking differently...and the shift
is a crucial one to make if you want to experience a wildly successful
dating life.
=====
TODAY IS THE SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIRST NEWSLETTER:
Has it been that long? Little did I know on December 5, 2007 what
my life would be like just a short two years later. I was a
manager in the IT world who was staying out WAY too late on work
nights...and "X & Y Communications" was originally supposed to have
been a tech consulting firm.
So, a big THANK YOU is in order to each and every one of you...the
readers. Believe it or not, that first newsletter went out to 14
people...most of whom are still on the list. Today, of course, that
number is rapidly approaching ten thousand.
Six months later Deserve What You Want was released and it has been
a wild ride from there... That first newsletter became part of the
book, found on p. 169. If you haven't read DWYW, there's no better
place to start when it comes to improving your success with members
of the opposite sex (MOTOS). Use "2year50" as your coupon and
I'll give it to you for 50% off today only (until midnight CST--GMT
-6).
Guys, choose the option of a free month of Power Sessions and hear
an ALL NEW bonus program on maximizing your success with women this
holiday season.
Guys go here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/men
Ladies, here (and YES...this is new):
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
Now on to this week's newsletter...
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THE SECRET TO UNDERSTANDING MOTOS
It has been eight months or so since that fateful springtime
morning when I opened my inbox to find a "nice" message from a
young woman somewhere in Canada. The missive was a simple one,
reading: "You understand women better than most women do. It's
like you are 'The Chick Whisperer', or something."
Obviously, that particularly catchy phrase soon became the name of
the podcast for men that we already had in the planning stages.
But is this really some sort of special or even downright
'supernatural' gift that I have? Nah...understanding MOTOS is really
not as hard as it's cracked up to be.
In fact, the simple notion that most of us BELIEVE it is next to
impossible to really get inside the head of MOTOS and figure out
what is going on is probably--and disarmingly--the most basic reason
why we don't even bother to try.
Yet, the fact remains. In all seriousness, there really is no more
foolproof a way to rocket your success into the stratosphere when
it comes to dating, attraction and seduction than to understand the
opposite sex.
Put in plain English, if you want to "get dates" you have to "GET"
your dates.
So where do we start?
The baseline is as follows: Contrary to the message conveyed by
the titles of books like "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus",
we as men and women are actually more ALIKE than different.
In fact, I'll be so bold as to say this. When it comes to
EMOTIONS, I believe men and women feel things very similarly. Cut
us and we all bleed red. When something exciting happens, we're
all excited. When someone cuts us off in traffic, men and women
both feel frustrated and slightly violated.
Similarly, I think we all have largely similar needs and want
similar results in life. Maslow didn't have "his and her"
hierarchies, now did he? We all breath the same air, drink the
same water, and would like to get the creditors to stop calling and
the boss to start promoting.
But you'd think that the opposite sex wasn't even classifiable as
"human" the way we are trained to think about them. Lots of guys
think if you follow a certain formula (which, perhaps ironically,
is typically devised 'in house' at Men, Inc.) then we'll "get what
we want" from women.
Meanwhile, at Women, Inc. all you do is follow "The Rules" and men
become your willing automatons.
Most of this brand of scheming is born of the notion that we as men
and women are essentially powerless when it comes to truly
understanding MOTOS. The natural flow from this mindset is
respectively assuming that we are somewhere higher on the food
chain than the opposite gender. Therefore we become twisted into
believing that they'll somehow fall for our tactics.
But the problem is I wasn't kidding earlier. We're ALL human...and
more ALIKE than DIFFERENT. And whoever your MOTOS are, you aren't
going to "get what you want off of them" until you DESERVE WHAT YOU
WANT...as a human being.
To demonstrate this, here's another piece of the "puzzle".
Much of what we perceive as "differences" between men and women are
ACTUALLY 100% purely driven by social dynamics. That's
psycho-babble = for "we all buy into the pressures of the culture
we live in".
For example, men think women don't like sex. Wrong. Women like
sex as much if not more than men do. The "difference" is that
women are stigmatized as "sluts" if they demonstrate that, whereas
men are pretty much heroes to their peers if they "get laid" a lot.
Similarly, (and this is my personal favorite example) most guys
freely suppose that "women are the choosers" and "men are the
chasers", implying that women have all the power. Not true. She
OR he who has the highest quality options when it comes to
dating/procreating/etc. is the one who calls the shots.
Soon you guys on Virtuosity will be introduced to two guys I've
just met who literally have so many options with women that they
hold parties inviting 20 or so women from MySpace to their place
all at once--none of whom they've met yet. Why? Because there
aren't enough hours in the day to evaluate the dating potential of
that many women separately...it has to be a "bulk assessment".
Tell me...what did that last example do for your vision of the
stereotypical "hottie" at a bar rejecting guy after guy after guy
who tries to approach her?
But surely there are indeed REAL differences between men and women,
right? Of course...but the point here is to first build the
foundation that the similarities between genders FAR outweigh the
differences. She doesn't want to be "used" for sex any more than
he wants to be "used" for his money. Yet, we have to respect that
women want a "provider" and men want a woman who is physically
attractive. And this is all perfectly reasonable--MOTOS aren't
"shallow" for having their preferences in that regard. The
differences between genders, you see, tend to base themselves on
differences in reproductive roles and/or archetypal gender roles.
Shockingly, the differences themselves are even less complex than
most of us imagine. Have you ever noticed that both men and women
like to believe that their OWN respective gender is "easy to figure
out"? Well, that's because it's...um...true.
Really it comes down to this...women want to feel secure and want a
man to LEAD. When you ask a woman what's wrong and she says
"Nothing", you KNOW as a man that it's SOMETHING. In her mind,
it's your job to figure it out without her having to take your hand
and spell it out for you...that's all there is to it. You must LEAD,
and then you must be able to hold her and tell her it's all going
to be okay--and she has to be able to believe you. You must PROVIDE
in every way--not just materially but emotionally as well.
And us guys? We want APPROVAL from women (without asking for it,
which you see as weakness anyway). We want you to think we're
great. We want to be your "heroes" as much as you want us to be.
Oh...and we also don't want you to humiliate us. Oh, and you really
do need to be physically attractive to us--which, fortunately, is
more subjective a concept to us than you think. That's all.
Emily and I go into much, much more detail regarding all of this on
the newest X & Y On The Fly:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyothefly
And the next The Chick Whisperer show, appropriately enough, will
be on "understanding women". Zan Perrion will sit in for that one
with me. Recording is set for this afternoon.
Be Good,
Scot
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CONFERENCE CALL WITH CARLOS XUMA AND I TOMORROW NIGHT: As
mentioned last time, CX and I are running a teleconference call on
how to succeed with women this holiday season. I've read some of
the questions, and they're REALLY good ones. Don't miss it. There
are only 200 lines and it costs NOTHING, so get there early and
make your first "New Year's Resolution" to stop shaking hands with
your buddies on New Year's Eve. Next Thursday 12/6 @ 6p Pacific /
9p Eastern is the time, and here's the place to get the details:
http://www.instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945
NEW VIDEO BLOGS: Another new video blog entry called "Quality
Begets Options" is live at
http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog
There's more BRAND NEW content there also, and more to come in the
very near future. Subscribe so you don't miss a thing:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/edumckaytion
NEW UPDATES TO VIRTUOSITY AND YES... TO ONLINE DATING DOMINATION
ALSO: I just added two new programs to VIRTUOSITY, and will be
adding SEVEN MORE in the next couple weeks. Among the planned
additions are programs which will power you up with real, practical
secrets to mastering speed dating and MySpace (which you were
asking for). And YES...both of the aforementioned goodies will also
be a part of the standalone version of ONLINE DATING DOMINATION.
And NO...the price is NOT going up.
Online Dating Domination:
http://www.onlinedatingdomination.com
VIRTUOSITY:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity
(BTW, Get a BONUS EPISODE of TCW while you are there)
POINT-AND-CLICK CHRISTMAS SHOPPING + TRIALPAY.COM = FREE STUFF FROM
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS: A number of you have already used this and
feedback has been great. Do your normal Christmas shopping from
places you buy from anyway and I'll give you FREE stuff. Choose
from any of the three e-books, Secrets To Success With Women For
Shorter Men or The Engineer's Guide To Being Cooler Than The
Salesguy. The last time I checked, there were 101 different ways
to get something for free while pointing/clicking your way through
holiday shopping including several wine sampling packages, a $50
purchase at The Gap (and get $27 worth from me free...are you kidding
me?), and--get this--simply signing up for Ebay for the first time
and buying *anything*. Jump from here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
If the "Being Cooler" program is what you're after, you'll need this:
http://www.beingcooler.com
ONLINE DATING PROFILE RATING IS NOW OFFICIALLY TEAMED UP WITH
MATCH.COM: ...And Show #20 is on the loose:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=213484722
...and it's also time you tried Match.com yourself, isn't it? Stop
putting it off. We've got a killer deal for you here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/match
X & Y ON THE FLY #34 IS NOW AVAILABLE: True to our usual form, the
latest episode goes into today's newsletter topic in greater depth
(MUCH greater, that is). "How To Understand The Opposite Sex" is
what we were crazy enough to actually name this thing. Emily and I
unleashed stuff you won't believe. Brace yourself for more
flat-out common sense regarding understanding the opposite gender
than you've seen in a LONG, LONG time. Get subscribed on iTunes so
you don't miss out:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=162722277
And write us a review sometime, okay? We love reading them.
AND...here's a BONUS episode just for newsletter subscribers on our
home birth experience. See? We've got your back:
http://www.xandycommunications.net/podcasts/episodebonus454.mp3
AND YES...EPISODE 16 OF THE CHICK WHISPERER IS NEXT ON THE LIST:
None other than Zan Perrion...
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/zan
...and I will hash out "natural game" for "non-naturals". I was all
over this discussion, and I'm sure you will be also. The voice
mail we address is a particularly...um...unique one also. Subscribe
now on iTunes so you are the first to know when it comes out in a
day or two:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=218155493
EMILY'S "KEYS TO BLISS" NEWSLETTER: Yes, many of you STILL sign up
every single time I mention this. Drop a blank e-mail to
emily@aweber.com . No subject or text is necessary. Joining will
not affect your membership to this newsletter.
PODCAST PHONE NUMBERS TO LISTEN IN ON:
X & Y On The Fly
289-466-5002
Feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
The Chick Whisperer
415-376-7267
Feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
Online Dating Profile Rating
305-890-1549
Feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating
Nice Guys Need Love Too--Comedy Cast
305-890-1558
Feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/niceguys
DatingCast
360-227-5762
Feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/datingcast
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