[X&Y] How Exactly To Tell If She's The Ultimate Woman For You
Published: Fri, 04/11/08
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IN THIS EDITION: How do you know if you've really got the RIGHT
woman in your life, once and for all? Here are real, objective
answers.
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hey Scot,
I have a question for you.
I am in a great relationship and I care for this woman very much.
In fact, I love her and she is definitely in love with me.
But how do I know that she is the one?? If I end this relationship
with her, it will break her heart and that absolutely kills me.
Do I give myself more time or am I just ignoring the inevitable??
We have been dating for about 2 months and communicating for 4
months.
Thanks for the help,
Andre (Farwell, MN)
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Andre:
First of all, by talking about ending the relationship, I hope you
are not falling into the trap of believing that if you actually
find a great woman you can theoretically spend a lifetime with, and
she feels the same way about you, that you need to BREAK UP with
her.
Some guys have been taught that it's somehow "giving your power
away" or something to find the ultimate woman and be happy with her.
We covered that in a previous newsletter, and I don't understand
this way of thinking. At all.
In reality, it's all about having complete, 100% control over your
wildly successful dating life. If you are making YOUR OWN
decisions from a position of strength rather than capitulation,
then you are NEVER giving your power away.
So if you have chosen the greatest woman from many options, and a
long-term stable life with her is WHAT YOU WANT, then so be it.
Having gotten that off my chest, and assuming all is in order in
your life, I can actually give you objective answers to what you
are asking about.
Here are three major points to consider:
1) TWO MONTHS ISN'T NEARLY LONG ENOUGH
You'll need more time than that to know this has lasting commitment
potential. I don't care if you two are joined at the hip these
days.
Emily and I were together constantly almost from minute one and we
waited nine months to get married. I waited seven to propose.
You've simply got to let the 'warm fuzzies' calibrate themselves.
There's no way to gain any visibility into what the future holds
otherwise.
2) MAKE A SPREADSHEET
List the ten most important factors you want in a woman. I don't
care what they are, it's your decision alone.
Rank her for each factor 1-10. If she's a "100", you're all set.
A "99" doesn't cut it. I left behind a "99" for Emily, and that's
a fact.
Bear in mind that since you are doing this exercise after the fact,
your perceptions will be a bit biased. Ideally, this list is best
formulated before meeting the highest quality women you are
eventually capable of attracting.
By the way, if this sounds rather objective or even "mechanical",
that's by design.
If you are a natural "right brainer", as I am, you have a tendency
to get wrapped up in the euphoria of a particularly promising
relationship and make "seat of the pants" decisions. This helps you
ground the circuit, so to speak.
Now, if on the other hand your mind is more analytical to begin
with, you may in fact suppose you'd be subjecting yourself to
"analysis paralysis" with an exercise like this.
Ironically enough, however, if you stick to the design I'm proposing
here you may actually be able to FOCUS your analysis rather than
letting it spiral into an unchecked vortex of questions without
answers.
But perhaps the most effective way to definitively sort things out
is what follows...
3) PLAN A ROAD TRIP OF AT LEAST FOUR DAYS
Here's the clincher. Schedule the time off work and preferably fly
somewhere and rent a car.
Build an itinerary for the trip that involves MASSIVE windshield
time--just you and her together in the car.
For hours. And hours.
Make sure there are also some truly cool places to see along the
way. You are testing to see if you get on each other's nerves
under those circumstances. You are also testing to see if you can
truly enjoy "big moments" together fully and with synergy.
I took Emily around Arizona when we had known each other for two
months, putting 1400 miles in and seeing Sedona, the Grand Canyon
and Monument Valley. It went well.
But just for good measure, I planned YET ANOTHER trip. We hit
California four months later and went from LA, through the wine
country up to the Bay Area and back to LA. That trip went equally
well.
The following month I proposed.
I truly believe this strategy is a powerful one, very much
portending what live together would be like through periods of
boredom, frustration, excitement, bliss and everything in between.
I'm assuming that you had the opportunity to date numerous women
before meeting this one to gain full understanding of what you
truly appreciate in a woman rather leaving it to pure speculation.
Without that visibility, you're really only guessing no matter
what, while hoping for the best.
Do some guys meet the greatest woman of all time early in the
process?
Sure, but as I said, it's never as proven a scenario as when a guy
has dated plenty of women and raised the proverbial bar as high as
it will go before selecting the right one from many amazing options
(which, incidentally, transforms that 100-point spreadsheet into an
indispensable tool).
Be Good,
Scot
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Even if you don't have her on your radar screen just yet...or maybe
even are looking forward to dating lots of women before you get
there, this kind of 20/20 foresight we've covered today will keep
you from getting derailed.
And by "derailed", I mean either by settling OR by blowing it with
a great woman.
If you are all about getting the greatest woman you've ever met
into your life, you not only have to know how to find her, you have
to know how to make certain YOU'RE the kind of man SHE has been
looking for.
Even if you get those pieces together, there's still one missing,
as Andre from Minnesota is coming to grips with: How exactly do
you know when to decide she really is the ULTIMATE woman for you?
Making solid decisions regarding the women in your life is SERIOUS
BUSINESS. Sometimes you really only get one shot at making the
right call when everything is at stake.
Right now I've got exactly two Ten-Plus spots open.
If you are interested in putting me to work for you on a COMPLETE
PLAN for getting you from where you are today to where you want to
be when it comes to your success with MOTOS (Members Of The
Opposite Sex), then now is the time to write to me.
Better yet, pick up the phone and call me and let's spend ten minutes
talking about it.
That first call is on me.
All the details regarding Ten-Plus, including my direct phone number,
are right here:
http://www.dating-coaches.com/
And yes...Ten-Plus is STILL the only complete 1-on-1 coaching program
with a 100% guarantee. And I have STILL yet to issue a refund.
By the way, whether you are a man or a woman you can put Emily or me
or BOTH OF US to work for you...it's your choice.
http://www.dating-coaches.com/
Until next time, keep visiting the blog, where there's at least
THREE new surprises for you since the last time I wrote to you,
including the final part of the four-part series on breakups.
Also, keep signing up for the forum and PLEASE DON'T BE SHY.
Getting a community like this off the ground takes time and
momentum, and I'm looking forward to seeing you there.
The links for both the blog and the forum are at the top of this
newsletter, as always.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. The $1 VIRTUOSITY special I mentioned last time was a popular
one, so I've extended it. You get to "see behind the curtain" for
a full week for ONE DOLLAR, and won't be charged the $159.55
balance until seven days later.
All I ask is that you take advantage of this only if you are giving
it an honest evaluation, since this REALLY IS the "full version" and
you can indeed cancel at any time. Fair enough?
Here's that link again:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity/onedollar
=====
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