[X&Y] When She Says She Has A Boyfriend
Published: Thu, 04/17/08
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(Featuring breakup series part 4, and a couple surprises)
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IN THIS EDITION: You meet a woman, and she announces that she
"has a boyfriend". Should you take that at face value or what?
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CHICK WHISPERER EPISODE #20: The new show is finally out, and my
co-host is Dave M. If you're used to hearing Dave M. talk about
online dating, then you're in for something completely different.
The title is "First Date Success: Welcome To Your Reality", and it
could change how you view "first dates" forever.
I have to tell you though, if you have EVER even considered
snagging Online Dating Domination and/or Dave M.'s Insider Internet
Dating programs you'll want to pay particularly close attention to
what he and I schemed up for you at the end of this
podcast...EXCLUSIVELY for listeners.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
...or get it on iTunes and leave a comment.
By the way, I've made some subtle changes to the show based on YOUR
feedback. See if you can pick up on them.
=====
WHEN SHE SAYS SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
As you well know by now, I have issued a standing invitation to
each and every one of you to send me your main "sticking points",
"high quality problems" and/or whatever you want to call the issues
you face as you move toward excellence with women.
And every day I continue to get amazing insightful e-mails and
MySpace messages from many of you.
One of the themes I am seeing time and again revolves around the
whole concept of a woman announcing that she "has a boyfriend" when
you meet her and ask for her phone number. And that's the one
we're going to get to the bottom of today.
The focal point of the conversation might go something like this:
Guy: "What do you say we get to know each other better?"
Woman: "That sounds good, but I don't think that I can let ya."
Guy: "I don't know, tell me is it so...do you get a kick outta
telling brothers 'no'?"
Woman: "No it's not that, see, you don't understand. How should I
put it...I GOT a man."
Guy: "What's your man got to do with me?"
Woman: "I've GOT a man."
Guy: "I'm not trying to hear that, see?"
I'd have given you a buck if you could have told me it was
"Positive K" who made those words (in)famous. And even though I
can't believe those lyrics are fifteen years old, the conversation
itself is A LOT older than that.
Clearly, when you hear this sort of response from a woman you are
being faced with a clear objection to your interest in her. But as
we're about to find out, that can be for at least three reasons.
Once you have a handle on WHY women tell you they "have a
boyfriend", you can calibrate to the situation more effectively on
a case-by-case basis rather than being stopped dead in your tracks
every time.
So let's go over those three reasons.
1) Maybe she DOES have a boyfriend
Whether Positive K is trying to hear it or not, sometimes the
straight-up truth is that the woman really is in a committed
relationship. Moreover, she's actually interested in remaining
faithful to the guy she's committed to.
Now, you'd think this would signal the end to a very short
conversation on the matter.
But guess again.
Given the nature of how we operate around here, we get e-mails from
both men and women. As we read through them, we tend to discover
amazing patterns.
One of the more amazing ones is how we tend to get e-mails from
guys who AREN'T able to date/get to know/hook up with women because
they have boyfriends.
Yet, the women tend to write us because they ARE dating/getting to
know/hooking up with a guy who's already "taken".
To quote an old Warner Brothers cartoon, "It just don't add up."
We have no idea why women in particular let themselves get
emotionally tangled with some married guy to begin with. Then
again, we have no idea why guys want to get into a mess like that
either.
Here's the deal. If you find out she's really got a boyfriend (let
alone a husband), then trying to get her to compromise that
relationship means you're asking her to compromise her character
and become a cheater.
And if she's a cheater, you want no part of her because she'll cheat
on you just as easily when the next effective PUA comes along.
Believe me. We tell women this story ALL THE TIME. Yet, we keep
getting e-mails...hopeful ones. It's nuts.
So what if you're in a situation where a woman in your social
circle has a boyfriend, but you're in a position to interact with
her often?
The answer is to banter and be your devastatingly attractive self
all the while, realizing that MOST boyfriends get broken up with.
Were that not the case, we'd al be married by fifth grade or
something, right?
So don't actively push her to breakup with her boyfriend. This
will just irritate her, and it comes off as completely
self-serving. Neither trust nor comfort is achieved there.
I also don't advocate going "under the radar" in an attempt to
subvert her relationship with her boyfriend either. You know what
I mean.
For example, listening to her rants about her boyfriend and agreeing
that she should be treated better, but that she should "give him a
chance" or something because some guys need time to "mature" or
whatever.
By keeping your masculine, confident presence up and not kissing up
to her, you stay out of the Friend Zone which is exactly what keeps
your equity up for the future when she breaks up.
And when she does, act FAST. Don't sweat her getting back together
with the guy or becoming her "rebound relationship".
Those are risks you have to take, but which also can be mitigated by knowing
how to attract a woman.
Meanwhile, this could be the ultimate case of "you snooze, you lose".
Mark this: You weren't the only guy on a "breakup watch" there.
2) Most socially connected, desirable women have "boyfriends"
If a woman is socially connected and considered attractive by a
healthy percentage of guys, she'll almost always have a maxed out
"address book" in her cell phone.
Let's face it, such a woman can call any number of guys...all of whom
will be happy to be her "date" for the night, weekend, or however
long she'd like.
Before we get carried away, let me remind you that YOU as a guy can
have any number of women in your life also, provided you can escape
the social pattern of thinking that dictates "men are the choosers
and women are the chasers". But that's all covered in a previous
newsletter.
The simple fact is that more women have more options than most guys
do. So when a woman flatly states she "has a boyfriend", she could
be telling you that she has ENOUGH guys in her life for now, or so
she feels.
She may be seeing a guy casually, or even gravitating towards one
in particular.
But if she's not in a committed relationship, you do indeed have a
chance. Again, you don't act needy or demand she get rid of every
other guy friend she has to be with you. That lowers your stock
in her mind.
What you do instead is ramp up your game a bit more than you would
if she was in a committed relationship. By creating raw attraction
as a confident, masculine man you become more and more irresistible
to her and your stock builds.
But you still must be more patient than if she was purely "single
and looking". Remember, when it comes to truly great women, you
MUST deserve what you want as always.
You know, this reminds me of another point. Sometimes guys even
make the mistake of simply SEEING a woman with a guy and
automatically ASSUMING they'd hear the words "I have a boyfriend"
from her were they to talk to her.
Bad assumption. I met a woman one time who was actually hanging
out with her brother. You just never know.
3) It's a REALLY effective excuse
Here it is. Thanks to a realization that most women make very
early in life, you're likely to hear "I have a boyfriend" sometimes
even if she's 100% unattached.
What women "realize" here is very similar to what YOU have realized
from a lifetime of going to the electronics store and/or dealing
with telemarketers.
Whether you tell the store employee that "you're just looking", or
tell the telemarketer that "you've got one of those already" you've
long since figured out that something magical happens when you say
stuff like that: People get off your back and go away.
And Positive K notwithstanding, almost 100% of all guys give up and
go away as soon as a woman says she has a boyfriend.
It's like instant "guy repellent".
I've even known women who wear rings on their left ring finger just
to ward off creepy guys. That's a fact.
So is it indeed that women get a kick outta telling brothers 'No'?
Not at all.
The deal is that sometimes women are caught off guard by men
approaching them. Other times, they just aren't in the mood to
deal with you. Everyone goes through days like that, right?
But the most likely issue is that you've FAILED TO DEPLOY.
Now, you can go the sneaky route and jump right back at her with
something to the effect of, "Really? He must be a great guy. Tell
me about him."
But don't expect her to drop her guard and say, "Ha...okay, you've
got me. I don't really have a boyfriend. Here's my number."
That's just not likely.
In order to stop hearing "I have a boyfriend" MUCH less often than
you do--meaning more in line with how often they REALLY DO have
boyfriends--you've got to know how to build comfort and rapport
with women as quickly as possible without causing them to feel like
they have to "bail out" of the situation.
When a woman is ATTRACTED to you, and you've succeeded at INSPIRING
CONFIDENCE (one of the "Big Four", remember) then she won't have to
reach for the easy excuse.
So how do you get this right?
It's not as hard to do as you might think. In fact, attracting
MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) from the very first meeting is
every bit as natural as masculinity and femininity are in and of
themselves.
You are actually DESIGNED to attract the ones you desire most.
Have you ever thought about that? It's true.
But based on how you may have been socially conditioned to believe
that simply being a man is "offensive" to women, or even that
masculinity and femininity are actually "outdated stereotypes" it's
no wonder there are so many challenges to getting the women in your
life you want most.
It's not your fault that things are the way they are socially these
days. But there are ways to make sure you rise above all of that
and take your rightful position as a man who ignites femininity
with confidence and devastating effectiveness.
Where most other guys fold up and GIVE up, you'll be winning the
attention of women who are literally STARVED for a man to come
sweep them off their feet.
That guy needs to be YOU. After all, other guys just aren't
stepping up.
If you were to get your hands on my book Deserve What You Want,
you'd have the answers you need to become that guy. You can go to
the "testimonials" page on our main site and see that plainly.
But my vision for your is ABSOLUTE EXCELLENCE.
Whether you are meeting a woman for the first time or have known
her fifty years, you should never, ever have to say "What do I do
next?"
So right now I'm going to equip you with exactly what you need to
STOP hearing convenient excuses from women, STOP landing in the
"Just Be Friends Zone" and STOP having women you DO meet disappear
from your life without a trace.
Sometimes, when the mood strikes me, I've been known to bundle my
first three books together for $47. I even add seven bonuses to
the mix.
But now that tax day is behind us, I'm in a particularly rare form
this time.
My goal is to put a stop to e-mails from you guys asking how to get
out of the "Friend Zone" and how to deal with flaky and/or
uninterested women.
It's time to EMPOWER YOU to once and for all be SUCCESSFUL with
women. And not just a LITTLE BIT. I'm ready to start hearing more
POWERFUL success stories than ever before.
So here it is.
I'm going to let you have ALL FOUR of my books: Deserve What You
Want, How To Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life, Cook For
Your Date and EVEN Never, Ever Settle (which usually only comes
with VIRTUOSITY) for that same $47.
No coupons are necessary. I've temporarily changed the price from
$67 dollars (which is still WAY less than what the four cost
separately).
AND...you'll get TEN BONUSES instead of seven:
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Realistically speaking, I'm giving you an entire blueprint on how
exactly to understand women, know what you want and GET IT.
Then, I'm following that with everything you need to ROCK A WOMAN'S
WORLD using the "secret weapon" to creating attraction, even as you
get women to INVITE THEMSELVES over your house (and I'm completely
serious about that).
On top of all that, I'm going to show you how to take it all to the
NEXT LEVEL even AFTER you start attracting great women.
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Doing the math, this is like getting Deserve What You Want and one
of the other books, and having EVERYTHING ELSE handed to you,
including the ten bonuses.
When you get in on this, be sure to take advantage of getting your
first month of Power Sessions as part of the package. The BRAND
NEW April edition is on "How To Build A Game Plan For Your Dating
Life", which was specifically requested by many of you.
I'll hold this all together for you until TOMORROW NIGHT (Friday)
at midnight, Central Standard Time (GMT -6). After that, it goes
back to $67...which like I said is still a great deal. So don't miss
out on this one.
Make it a point to go out and appreciate some high-quality women in
your life, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Have you visited the newly re-designed message board yet?
Jump in and help get the most evolved dating and seduction forum on
the net off to a great start. Your participation MATTERS, and you
get to meet some of the other guys on this newsletter.
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
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