[X&Y] What Courage Means To Women
Published: Mon, 04/21/08
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IN THIS EDITION: You've heard time and again "Don't be a wuss".
So then, what's the opposite of a wuss? That would be a man who is
bold and courageous. Boldness relates to confidence, but what
exactly does it mean to be courageous in the particular way that
drives women wild?
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WHAT COURAGE MEANS TO WOMEN
We spend a lot of time around here shining the light on 'hidden
detractors'.
By this I mean anything that could possibly be keeping you from
meeting the kind of women you want to meet and/or having total
control over continuing the relationship when you so choose, but
which you haven't quite got a handle on yet.
I believe that one of the darkest such "hidden detractor" for many
guys involves Failure To Deploy in the area of courage.
That's right, simple "courage".
A month or so ago, I talked to you about "Six Ways To Man Up".
Each of those respective suggestions, you'll recall, was qualified
by "strength".
If you haven't caught that particular newsletter, no worries, just
check out the "Power Content" section of the main website linked to
above.
Anyway, the reason why "courage" wasn't set apart as one of the
half-dozen in that list of masculine indicators that drive women
wild is a very simple one.
Courage, as it turns out, is an overarching theme that quite
literally pervades a man's being.
When you successfully "inspire confidence", which is one of the "Big
Four", you have essentially--by definition--succeeded at assuring a
woman of your own personal level of courage.
So this time, let's outline EXACTLY what courage IS. And more
specifically, lets talk about the kind of courage that women in
particular find irresistibly attractive.
I'll give you a hint: It's NOT found in the Jeff Foxworthy moments
when we tell everyone, "Hey y'all, watch this!" Nope, meaningless
foolishness is a turn-off to women, as is "showing off" purely for
the purpose of impressing them.
So here we go...a half-dozen ways to eliminate wussification forever
and execute with strength:
1) Courage When It's Expected As Obvious
If most garden-variety human beings can stand up something, so
should you. It's not unusual to have phobias, even irrational
ones.
But know this: If you are afraid to fly, cross bridges or take the
elevator you will NOT be exactly inspiring confidence in a woman who
likely has no such trepidation.
In fact, your ability to inspire confidence takes a DIRECT HIT when
you are afraid when even most women are unfazed.
It is crucial to grasp this concept accurately. Nobody is asking
you to drive in an ice storm, tail rattlesnakes like freakin' Steve
Irwin or even eat food off the floor.
But if you throw a hissy fit when a bee that you aren't even
mortally allergic to flies within five feet of you, and the women
surrounding you go, "Um...dude, what's the big deal?", those are the
times you know you have to learn how to get over it.
2) Courage When Faced With The Unknown
What happens when there's a question mark ahead? Do you hold your
head up and boldly face the music, or do you thrust your head in
the sand and procrastinate for as long as humanly possible?
One key example, made hilariously famous by George Lopez in a stand
up routine of his, of this is when a guy knows he has a medical
issue but refuses to see a doctor.
Knowing the doctor could tell you any number of things ranging from
the innocuous to the devastating, you go anyway and get it taken
care of.
"It's better not to know...besides, they'll charge me for
everything!" is funny when George Lopez says it, but would
demonstrate to a woman in your life that you are a complete coward
were YOU say it.
If you know the company is announcing layoffs today, you go to
work. Whatever it is, unless it's armed and deadly and you are
not, you face it. Women love the initiative and the leadership.
3) Courage To Accomplish What Motivates You
I don't know how many guys I have heard talking about what they
dream of doing, or where they dream of going...quickly followed by a
phrase beginning with the word "but".
"Oh man, I'd LOVE to go to [insert exotic destination here]. But
what if I got arrested and thrown into jail there or caught some
weird illness while there?"
"Wow...I'd LOVE to get a motorcycle license. But I'm really afraid
I'd have an accident."
All this is BORING to women, who are often craving excitement in
their lives.
The most breathtaking irony of all in that respect is that I am
wracking my brain, but believe I have NEVER suggested that a woman
join me for something adventurous and have her flatly refuse...as
long as her confidence was inspired.
4) Courage When The Chips Are Down
When it's "fight or flight", women are counting on you to keep a
level head and make the right decision.
Like the NBA all star wants the ball when his team is down by a point
with five seconds left on the clock, you should likewise seek to be
the decision-maker when a crisis looms.
Whether it's a family issue, a job loss, a car accident, a spider
in the bathroom or a weird sound in the middle of the night, you
take the proverbial bull by the horns.
5) Courage Among Men
If you are consistently dominated by and generally manhandled by
the AMOGs around you, women will not be impressed by your
passivity.
Have the courage to suggest ideas, take leadership in the face of
ambiguity and remain reasonable when foolishly provoked.
Nothing inspires confidence in a woman more than this. You aren't
starting bar fights, but you are standing your ground and refusing
to be a doormat.
Of course, there's one final linchpin that all five of the previous
examples are predicated upon...
6) Courage Towards HER
You must not be afraid of the WOMAN herself.
This means that you approach her and talk to her that first time
you meet her without trepidation, which in turn will help her feel
at ease with you.
This also means you don't kowtow and "kiss up" because you are
afraid of either losing her favor or pissing her off.
And it especially means that you don't soft peddle every last
original idea you have lest you offend her or not give her what she
wants.
Most guys are deathly afraid of making a woman cry. You have to
understand that women are more upset by your cowardice in telling
the truth than by your honesty, as long as you keep her best
interests at heart.
I mentioned that lack of courage is often a "hidden detractor".
Seriously, in this day and age of safe cubicle jobs and couch
potato lifestyles it's all too easy for us guys to completely miss
the fact that we are even lacking in this area.
But make no mistake--women have a sixth sense for this stuff. So
building genuine courage, backed by solid reasoning skills, should
be the goal of every man.
Here's the thing.
I could give you a set of "rules" to follow. I could give you a
checklist of things to do that might allow you to, at least for the
time being, fool a woman or two into thinking you had it all
together.
But ultimately, the checklist would fail you. You can't be
fumbling for notes when a situation calling for genuine courage
comes up.
I can't think of a better example why honestly becoming the kind of
man who genuinely deserves what he wants will trump the "quick fix"
approach.
Every. Single. Time.
If you have been following these newsletters, you already know that
courage is just one of endless examples of what drives women wild,
but which also cannot be faked.
Unless you become the man women crave, life will continue to be one
"hidden detractor" after another. You'll fix one only to have
another jump out at you.
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Enjoy, guys. And I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. The Chick Whisperer #20 is ON THE LOOSE, and Dave M. is my
guest. Get it at no charge on iTunes or from the feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
Emily and I will be producing the next X & Y On The Fly this week.
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all set. Her next one is coming out tomorrow morning.
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