[X&Y] Frustrated With Your Dating Life? Here's Why...
Published: Tue, 04/29/08
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IN THIS EDITION: More and more, I'm convinced there is ONE SINGLE
FACTOR that decides whether a person is going to experience
frustration or not in their dating life. Get this right and things
will get A LOT better very, very quickly. Ignore it, and well, you
know...
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IF YOU ARE FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR DATING LIFE, HERE'S WHY
Every day we get phone calls and e-mails from both men and women.
I see that as a major plus because it's like having a crystal ball
that cuts through the haze and offers some very clear insight into
how men and women think about each other.
Just this week something finally occurred to me after fielding
literally thousands of calls and e-mails. There is ONE FACTOR that
literally every single person who calls or writes shares. It's
almost like a common thread of DNA.
None of them are IN CONTROL of their dating lives.
Instead, it's whomever they are interested in who tends to be in
FULL CONTROL.
You see, typically a guy will write me and say something like, "Hey
Scot, I got a phone number from a woman but I called her and she
was completely non-committal about hanging out sometime. How do I
get her to go out with me?"
Or, he may say, "Look Scot, I've got a problem here. I started
dating this woman and it was going well. But then she stopped
returning calls as quickly as she once did. And lately she has been
telling me she's 'super busy' and can't really get together as often.
I texted her four or five times yesterday, but she didn't answer."
The women's version tends to be shockingly similar, if for some
untold reason the stories themselves more dramatic and entertaining.
"Scot, I really like this guy who is 'legally separated'. But he
hasn't filed for divorce and changes the subject whenever I bug him
about it. We were supposed to go out Friday night but he never
called. So I finally called him around 10p and some chick
answered! She was really, really, REALLY mad. What do I do?"
Or...
"Gee Scot, I met this guy online and he lives a couple of hours
away. I don't understand why he can't just take a Saturday
afternoon and meet me half way or something to have lunch. But he
keeps putting it off. How can I get him to be more excited about
meeting me?"
Do you see the pattern there?
Each of the four scenarios above involves someone having put the
object of his or her potential affection in complete, utter control
over the outcome.
The most curious part of this is that the guys who are in such a
position are the same ones who are firmly convinced that "women are
the choosers and men are the chasers".
They are the ones who complain that women "can pick up a guy anytime
they want, and we guys have to do all the work".
Meanwhile, every single woman in a similar position relates to me
some version of, "How come I have to be the only one who cares
about the relationship all the time? How come I call him and
couldn't be sweeter to him, but he hardly ever calls back? And
when he does, how come he only wants to see me like once a month?"
Yep...you got it. The one IN CONTROL chooses...man or woman.
And that's precisely why everyone in that "out of control" position
ends up frustrated. They feel powerless and asking someone like us
"what to do" to is really just a band-aid.
The reality is there's nothing they CAN do to get inside another
person's mind and work the controls.
At least not directly.
But here's something else I've noticed.
I rarely get calls or e-mails from men or women who view themselves
as having OPTIONS when it comes to MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite
Sex).
Sure, some people might start dating several MOTOS at once and end
up having a hard time sorting out their rambunctious social lives.
And at that point they may get on the "blower" and ask me how to
deal. But again, that's really just another version of NOT BEING
IN CONTROL of one's dating life, isn't it?
Granted, that's a "high quality problem", but it's still a twist on
the same basic issue nonetheless. But instead of one person being
in control over another, in this case you have one person being
controlled by the pressures of many on his or her time.
Poor babies, I know.
But it can be FRUSTRATING nonetheless. And that, as I mentioned,
is the premise of this entire discussion.
When you are OUT OF CONTROL of your dating life, you are FRUSTRATED.
And when you are IN CONTROL of your dating life, you aren't.
It really couldn't be more simple.
So here's what I challenge you to do.
If you are obsessing over one person--or worse, if you're obsessing
because there's NO person in your life--I want you to TAKE CONTROL
and MAKE THE FIRST MOVE towards having REAL OPTIONS in your life.
In the very latest X & Y On The Fly episode, Emily and I figure out
something kind of amazing, and a little crazy actually.
Young people have a distinct advantage over older people who are
dating because they get to "clock in" every day at a "workplace"
where there are no limits on "fraternization" and where EVERYONE IS
THE SAME AGE.
Best of all, except in rare instances, about half of those people
are MOTOS.
That place is SCHOOL, of course. And what's more, everyone at
school is usually UNMARRIED, right?
It really is a dating BONANZA, assuming you have the wherewithal at
a young age to make the most of it.
But youth is wasted on the young, oftentimes, isn't it? Most of us
didn't exactly have dating figured out back in high school.
And the hard truth is that once you graduate, you'll NEVER
experience an opportunity like that EVER again.
But here's the thing.
Within the last ten years, something has happened that offers you a
VERY REAL approximation of the way things were at school.
That "something" is ONLINE DATING.
Where else can you log on, find literally hundreds of MOTOS who are
the right age, in your neighborhood and AVAILABLE?
The correct answer is "NOWHERE", Sherlock.
The very best way I know of to go from NO CONTROL to FULL CONTROL
over the options you have in your dating life is to start filling
your life with MORE MOTOS to go out with.
And even if you work in a cave all day or at "Just Men, Inc.", you
have the power to get online and make something happen.
I couldn't be more convinced that online dating is the ultimate
solution for frustration.
But of course you have to know how to make online dating work for
you.
Get it wrong, and you'll just get MORE FRUSTRATED.
But get it RIGHT, and you're dating life will be RADICALLY changed
for the better almost IMMEDIATELY.
The best news of all? Most guys NEVER BOTHER to find out how to
make online dating work for them.
This means that YOU have a very real opportunity to get ALL THE
SUCCESS where others fail.
Life isn't fair. But if it were, that would mean that every guy
would have an equal amount of success. What YOU can do is take
every advantage available to you and make it YOURS.
And that's exactly what I teach you how to do, step-by-step, in
Online Dating Domination.
Discover more by clicking the link below, and you can even get 35%
off by using the coupon "CONTROL35":
http://www.onlinedatingdomination.com/
I'll tell you what, between now and tomorrow night at midnight
Central Standard Time (1 May, 2008 @ 12a GMT -6) I'll keep that
coupon active and even GIVE YOU a copy of my $20 book "How To
Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life" on top of all else.
The way I see it, adding that in will make sure you're equipped to
stay in total control of your dating life even AFTER you're
schedule starts filling up.
And all of that together officially makes this the sweetest deal on
Online Dating Domination I've ever put together.
Call it the "Frustration Avoidance Package". And it's all about
getting YOU what you REALLY WANT out of life.
If you already know all about Online Dating Domination and are
ready to jump on this, here's a link with the coupon already built
in. You'll see 35% off reflected on Page Two:
https://www.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1719052&couponCode=CONTROL35
BTW, you absolutely can get in on the Power Sessions bonus too when
you get Online Dating Domination.
The current program is on how to have a game plan for your dating
life, and I've got a KILLER bonus program planned featuring a cool
guest you are guaranteed never to have met before.
As I mentioned last time (and elaborated upon in the blog yesterday,
btw) May's program is already scheduled to be on character-based kino.
You'll not want to miss that, and you won't if you get on board now.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. That new X & Y On The Fly AND the new Online Dating Profile
Rating are both posted. Get 'em all here:
http://www.x-net-media.com/
P.P.S. Not yet in on Emily's newsletter? Send a blank e-mail to
emily@aweber.com and you'll be all set. Her next one is coming out
tomorrow and it's on how to build confidence.
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