[X&Y] Is It Really HER Rejection You Are Most Worried About?
Published: Fri, 06/20/08
http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog
BLOG
http://www.xandycommunications.net/forum
DISCUSSION FORUM
=====
IN THIS EDITION: What if you could go back in history and change
how you framed approaching women back in high school and/or
college? How would that have affected your level of success today?
Hang on--you're about to become a time traveler...
=====
YES, I DO ANSWER THE PHONE: Lately, as I've been answering your
phone calls you seemingly have been more surprised than ever by
that particular outcome of having dialed the digits.
As such I wanted to remind you that I do not hide in an "ivory
tower". Things are different around here. I am passionate about
helping you succeed with women and wake up every morning energized
to go to work.
So when I've said in the past that you're welcome to call me on the
phone and talk to me about what's on YOUR mind, I've been serious
about it. No matter how busy things are around here, I've got ten
minutes to spare for you.
If you are in the US, call 210-260-6400. Anywhere else in the
world, Skype me at "scotmckay" and save the long-distance charges.
Sure, there are times where I can't get to the phone. If that's
the case, leave a message and I WILL call you back.
=====
IS IT REALLY *HER* REJECTION YOU ARE MOST WORRIED ABOUT?
Despite the sheer volume of information written on the subject,
"approach anxiety" remains one of the most frustrating sticking
points for most guys out there.
And let's face it, no matter how good you get at meeting women for
the first time, total mastery over the art is about as elusive as
it gets.
You know by now that I spend most of my time scheming up as many
innovative and original ways to help you succeed with particularly
high-quality women.
So when such a concept surfaces relative to such a HUGE issue as
fear of approaching, I get particularly excited to share it with you.
About a year ago, I wrote to you about how the idea of "getting
beat by a girl" represented ultimate humiliation to most guys.
With that in mind, if we could just move away from seeing the
approach as a "contest" involving either acceptance or rejection,
and instead reframe meeting women as our opportunity to evaluate
HER, then we could revolutionize our interactions with women.
Since then, that concept has become one of the cornerstones of what
we talk about around here.
Guys all over the world have reported again and again how that one,
simple concept has taken them from a place of deep-seated fear to
being able to approach women practically at will.
Well today, I want to take you to yet another level of
consciousness regarding approach anxiety.
Fasten your seat belts. This could be a wild ride.
Here we go...
For most of us, the pattern of approach anxiety begins at a very
young age....habits begin to form at an early age when we're in SCHOOL.
Middle School (or Junior High) is about the time we become
interested in the girls around us. Interestingly, this ALSO
happens to be the exact same time in our lives where being ACCEPTED
by the "in crowd" has NEVER been more important to us.
This was the case when I was in school for sure, and having served
my time as a Junior High teacher in the past I'm pretty convinced
nothing has changed since.
Picture in your mind what life was like back then for you.
Remember the importance of the right brand of shoes. Being
involved in the right activities. Even how you needed to have seen
all the right movies over the summer when you came back to school
in the fall.
Getting ostracized from the crowd was the ultimate disaster.
And in your mind, probably, there was no quicker way to look like a
total loser than to get rejected by that girl you were interested in.
If you get right down to it, here it is: Actually getting rejected
by the girl you had your eye on in first period was one thing, but
having THE ENTIRE SCHOOL find out about it was UNTHINKABLE.
Surely, that hit to your "social proof" would have been a fatal
blow...at least to your seventh grade mind.
So you didn't even talk to her, did you?
Unless you were one of those exceptionally rare kids in seventh
grade who had no shame whatsoever flirting with the girls, probably
not.
Instead, you silently longed to take the cutest girl in your class
to the movies sometime (even if your parents had to drive you).
But it didn't happen.
Why not?
Because the pressure on you to look good SOCIALLY in your peer
group was too great. The risk to your social status in school--no
matter how much or little you actually had--far outweighed the
potential glory of asking your favorite girl to, say, the middle
school dance.
But what of those few kids back in seventh grade who DID flirt with
the girls and openly show interest in them? They weren't always
the best looking or most athletically gifted kids in your class
were, they?
And looking back, you have to think that there MUST have been a
time or two where even THEY didn't get the attention of a girl or
two here and there.
YET...everyone at school still thought those kids were the cool ones,
right? Either that, or they were just jealous.
Sure, those kids were confident in themselves, and that helped.
The girls, certainly enough, were simply following their lead.
But something deeper was going on, either consciously or
unconsciously.
Now, your first thought may be that they "didn't care what others
thought".
And I understand common wisdom suggests that YOU shouldn't care
"what others think" either.
But think about it. The kids who REALLY didn't care what others
thought back in junior high were sort of on the fringe, at best.
Ultimately, if you flat-out don't care what others think--in the
literal sense--things don't tend to go well socially.
So did those kids in junior high who boldly talked to girls care
what others thought of them after all? You bet they did.
But what really was going on there was that they simply had a
BETTER UNDERSTANDING of how REALLY to get others around them to
think more highly of them.
Make no mistake: We're socialized early to care what others think,
and it's the fear of losing face in the minds of those around us
that drives us much of the time.
Even today.
So here's a radical idea.
Instead of trying to convince yourself to get over approach anxiety
using the same mental pep talk you've been giving yourself to no
avail since middle school, why not reframe things based on the
secret that so few kids back in seventh grade knew?
Here it is... (hang with me here, because this might blow your mind)
First, the TRUTH is that ALMOST EVERYONE is dealing with a fear of
approaching women. Being one of the countless guys who "plays it
safe" may SEEM to protect you from social shame, but the truth is
that it does NOTHING to IMPROVE your social status.
It didn't then, and it doesn't now.
Next, when you get right down to it, getting rejected by the
occasional girl here and there in junior high practically went
UNNOTICED when it happened to those few bold boys, didn't it?
Why?
Simple.
Since those few kids actually had the GUTS to "go for it", THAT
ALONE set them apart as "higher status". All the other boys looked
at those few and said, "Man, I wish I could do that."
And THAT'S how they built respect among peers. And the respect
brought about by that mindset couldn't be brought down by the
occasional unsuccessful interaction with one of the girls.
Their CONFIDENCE and LACK OF FEAR was what gave the social proof,
not necessarily validation by some girl.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that even if one of those bold
kids got rejected MOST OF THE TIME, the other boys would still have
had to give him credit for stepping up to the plate. Even back in
middle school.
Fast forward to today. Nothing much has changed, has it?
Even as adults, most of us still don't want to look like total
losers in front of our peers.
AND... most of your peers are still TOO AFRAID to approach women as a
direct result. They simple can't see past the basic viewpoint of
"rejection by girl = social ridicule".
They can't see the proverbial forest for the trees.
But here's the exciting news.
The part about your peers giving you respect simply BECAUSE you
have the mental and emotional strength to approach women when they
wouldn't have STILL APPLIES ALSO.
Can you start thinking like this?
Can you erase what is perhaps a decade or more of fearing loss of
social status because of a woman's unfavorable response to your
approach?
Can you internalize the SOCIAL REALITY that your newfound ability
to walk right up to a woman and start a conversation SEPARATES YOU
FROM THE HERD in a way that is rewarded with genuine respect from
your peers...REGARDLESS of your actual success rate?
If you can, your more evolved viewpoint could make the difference
between needlessly shying away from meeting women and finding a
jolt of personal power like you've never felt.
No doubt, losing the fear of "getting beat by a girl", viewing
yourself as a man with options regardless of what happens in a
single situation, and the like WILL help get that success ratio up.
And that's a plus, obviously.
But I strongly suspect that fear of SOCIAL humiliation is the
"silent killer" that keeps MANY, MANY guys from ever even
approaching a woman to begin with.
Can you relate to all this?
Perhaps a better question is, are you READY to MAKE SOMETHING
HAPPEN in your life that finally makes a difference when it comes
to having the women in your life you really want?
I want SUPERCHARGE your learning curve when it comes to getting
over approach anxiety. And basically, I'd love to watch you
overcome any and every other sticking point that has been nagging
you for years along with it.
You already know that Virtuosity has been purpose-built and
fine-tuned to deliver over SEVENTY HOURS of focused teaching
designed to take you from where you are today to exactly where you
WANT TO BE.
That's the ENTIRE REASON Virtuosity was created.
If you've been telling yourself that Virtuosity could really be the
right plan to FINALLY take you to the next level with women, I'm
going to make it easy for you to pull the trigger once and for all.
Here's what I'm going to do:
1) I'm going to GIVE you a copy of How To Manage Your Wildly
Successful Dating Life (which is on sale right now for $19.95 in
our online store). After all, I believe you are going to need to
know the secrets in it as soon as possible.
2) You're going to get a FULL HOUR of 1-on-1 consultation with me
directly, just to make sure we iron out your unique sticking
points. (This is usually $150 by itself)
3) The entire Virtuosity program--including Online Dating
Domination, the book Never Ever Settle, all of my focused audios
and videos, co-hosted targeted programs featuring over FORTY of the
biggest names in men's dating and seduction advice, and all the
bonuses--is yours with a BUILT-IN 35% off coupon ("xy35off")
4) AND...right now you can take three full months to pay for it.
I've rolled ALL OF THAT into this link:
https://secure.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1709918&couponCode=xy35off
Want to find out more about Virtuosity first? Click on the link
below. I've even built a new video that walks you through the
order process and even gives you a sneak peek into the Member's
Area so you know exactly what to expect:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity/special
That's all for now. Make this weekend great.
And seriously, guys. Spend some time visualizing this new mindset
I've shown you today. Let it resonate and take hold. Then, put it
into action.
And remember, you can pick up the phone any time.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. The newest The Chick Whisperer with Carlos Xuma is AVAILABLE.
Subscribe and download from iTunes or from the feed at:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
You can actually subscribe to ALL FIVE podcasts here:
http://www.x-net-media.com
All of this costs nothing, of course. There is, however, a way to
donate in support the show at the above link, which is always
appreciated.
=====
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply go to
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get What
You Deserve" for free. Or, just email
xandy@aweber.com
Easy stuff.
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to
questions@deservewhatyouwant.com
Your feedback is welcome. Please keep your questions brief and to
the point.
If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter
to others. That's how we build our audience.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Pin Yourself (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
www.frappr.com/xandy
(http://www.frappr.com/xandy)
Be Our Friend:
www.puaconnect.com/scotmckay/
(http://www.puaconnect.com/scotmckay/)
Discussion Forum:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum)
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at:
Date:
IP: