[X&Y] Who "Chooses" And Who "Chases"?
Published: Tue, 06/24/08
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IN THIS EDITION: Why do so many guys think that women are the
"choosers" and men are the "chasers"? That's about as good a
question as why so many WOMEN think MEN are the "choosers" and THEY
are the "chasers"...
But first, here's a MAJOR announcement:
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INTRODUCING TEN-PLUS LIVE
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want to be, then welcome to Ten-Plus Live.
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After your specialized training, you'll even have a hands-on
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Obviously, space for the Ten-Plus Live program is VERY limited. If
this interests you, you likely know it already.
If so, call me on +1-210-260-6400 or e-mail me at
scot@deservewhatyouwant.com for more details, including how to get
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You can also check out our dating coaching web site here for more
info:
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The Ten-Plus Live experience is $1500, including all ground
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Flights and hotel are your responsibility, but we're glad to assist
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the Virtuosity co-hosts fly in as a co-instructor (subject to
availability, and costs TBD depending on who you request).
And now, on to today's newsletter...
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WHO "CHOOSES" AND WHO "CHASES"?
Several newsletters ago we discussed the one factor that is common
to all who experience problems with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite
Sex) versus those who don't.
Simply put, those who are satisfied with their level of success have
control over their dating lives, and those who aren't...don't.
When your dating life is "out of control", that's precisely when
you are in very real danger of becoming a "chaser" rather than a
chooser.
In other words, because you don't feel as if you have OPTIONS, every
interaction with every woman becomes all-important.
After all, if she "rejects" you, it's back to the drawing board...
Just about every day it seems I get an e-mail or two from a guy who
believes that WOMEN are uniquely and invariably the "choosers",
while men are the "chasers".
And although I don't believe it necessarily has to be that way,
those who do sure tend to have a firmly-held belief in that regard.
After all, to the average guy it really does look like attractive
hotties call all the shots. Tons of guys approach, and tons of guys
get "rejected". Only a select few "golden boys" get past her
defenses and are offered the chance to "impress her".
Now I'll be the first to admit to you that those women are indeed
"choosers".
And guess what? If you fall in line trying to "impress her",
you're chasing.
But here's a shocking revelation for you.
Just about every day, we get an e-mail (or four) from a WOMAN who
believes MEN are the "choosers", and that she as a woman is left to
do the "chasing".
And she's 100% correct also.
How can this be?
Well yes, the one with the OPTIONS is in control, no doubt. But
there's something deeper at play here when it comes to "choosing"
vs. "chasing".
And you know what? The deeper issue is indeed VERY gender
specific, unlike the baseline factor of having control over your
dating life.
The truth is that BOTH genders are CHASING something.
And BOTH genders, once they understand what MOTOS really want, have
the power to be selective in giving it to them.
As a man, you've probably already figured out that guys tend to
"chase" sex. Women who are sexually attractive to us tend to be
immediately desirable.
So the battle cry of the man who feels women have all the power in
relationships is, "Yeah, but SHE can get laid anytime she
wants...it's US GUYS who have to try so hard!"
Want to know something? It's PRECISELY that one-dimensional way of
thinking that's KEEPING YOU in "chaser mode".
If you are frustrated with the power women seem to have over you,
that's why.
So what's the secret here?
Let me challenge you: What if you could get outside of your own
head for a moment and get into the head of a woman?
Like I said, we get letters from women who believe MEN have ALL THE
POWER.
How can that be?
Easy. It's just that men and women are chasing after DIFFERENT
OUTCOMES.
Women aren't chasing sex. Women who are "chasers" are typically
chasing COMMITMENT.
A woman who feels her dating life is out of control is likely
frustrated because she feels a fantastic long-term relationship is
out of her reach.
Need proof? Google "dating advice for women" and look at the
titles of the various books and programs out there. There aren't
many "get laid quick" books for women, are there?
Yet, women's dating advice is plentiful and apparently necessary.
And almost all of it focuses on getting a man to stick around and
commit. Even Emily's Click With Him program is no exception.
So what does all this mean in practical terms?
(Make sure you are sitting down for this.)
What this means to YOU is that making the shift from CHASER to
CHOOSER is absolutely, positively within your grasp.
But you're going to have to make a radical mind shift.
If you are sex-focused, you are--by definition, mind you--HANDING
OVER all the power to women. You are putting them in the
"catbird's seat" as far as being the choosers YOU are chasing.
Meanwhile, the man who knows how to IGNITE FEMININITY understands
women. He understands the more holistic gift that a great woman
represents to him.
What's more, he also inherently recognizes that a great
man--confident, masculine, able to give her security and of
unmistakable character--is IMMENSELY VALUABLE to women everywhere.
Basically, he knows that a "great catch" is so sought after by
women that they will do exactly that...they will seek after it.
Or said differently, if YOU can be that guy, women will CHASE YOU.
Here's the crazy part: Your sexual frustrations will likely vanish
into thin air when that happens.
When you TAKE THE LEAD and represent to a woman exactly what she
wants, she'll respond by offering YOU what YOU want in hopes of
getting what she's "chasing".
Now listen, I don't advocate taking advantage of women sexually
that you have no intentions of rewarding with the relationship they
seek.
I don't recommend that any more than I recommend you becoming a
"sexless boyfriend" to any of the women you've been chasing in the
past.
What I AM saying, is that you will NEVER AGAIN "chase" sexual
fulfillment.
Instead, your eyes will be opened to an almost surreal world where
women desire MORE of you than LESS of you. Women will call YOU
more often. They will write you letters. They will cook you
dinner. They will rub your back. They will GLOW when you look at
them.
All without you having to beg, grovel or otherwise resign your
manhood.
By now, you know that I'm not the "get laid quick" dating guru.
But here's the irony of this whole discussion. A LOT of the guys
who are taking the "get laid quick" approach AREN'T "getting laid
quickly" at all.
What I've shared with you today is a BIG reason why that is.
You may believe very strongly that it's time for YOU to take the
first VERY BOLD step towards taking back complete control of your
dating life.
For you, total immersion may be what it takes. And that's exactly
why I've launched the Ten-Plus Live program I told you about
above...for you.
What difference could a weekend in San Antonio make for you? PUA
training and "bootcamps" may be fine for other guys, but is 1-on-1
attention more in line with your vision for discovering what YOU
need in order to succeed?
If so, pick up the phone and call me directly: +1-210-260-6400.
If you prefer, e-mail me first at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com.
And once again you can read more about the new Ten-Plus Live
program right here:
http://www.dating-coaches.com
Have a great week and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Are you interested in getting Emily's newsletter? It's
strong enough for a man, but made for a woman...as the old commercial
says.
No doubt, it's drawing a surprisingly co-ed readership, kind of like
this one.
So if curiosity is getting the best of you, feel free to subscribe
by sending a blank e-mail to emily@aweber.com.
It costs nothing, of course.
P.P.S. The newest The Chick Whisperer with Carlos Xuma has been
out for several days now. Don't miss it.
Subscribe and download from iTunes or from the feed at:
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Please subscribe and leave us a comment on iTunes, if you would.
Let's get TCW back on the front page!
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