[X&Y] What Women Really Think About Approach Anxiety
Published: Sun, 08/10/08
http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog
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IN THIS EDITION: Have you ever wondered how women themselves view
"approach anxiety"? If not, you're probably not alone. Most of
us have been too shy to ask...literally.
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THE LEADING MAN IS COMING SOON
As promised, The Chick Whisperer episode #23 featured a formal
announcement of the first major new program for men since
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As you likely already have guessed, I will go much deeper than that...
adding the kind of real-world value that you've come to expect from
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More details will come soon. I absolutely will be offering a
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Those who pre-order will also receive the e-book Chick Whispering,
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What's more, you will have a copy literally months ahead of anyone
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And now, enjoy another world-exclusive sneak peek from Chick
Whispering...
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WHAT WOMEN REALLY THINK ABOUT APPROACH ANXIETY
[Note: The following is another excerpt from the upcoming book
Chick Whispering.]
I truly believe that men and women are more alike than different.
As a matter of fact, the more time I spend immersed in the study of
what attracts MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) to one another,
the more amazed I become that the genders have such a notoriously
difficult time understanding each other.
When you get right down to it, most of the confusion tends to
happen because most of us--men and women--have a hard time getting
outside of our own heads and considering the perspective of someone
else.
And yes, you are inferring correctly: That propensity toward
getting stuck in our own headspace is precisely one of those areas
that is not particularly "gender-specific".
Once could almost surmise that it's this "similarity" in particular
that is exactly what causes us to believe that MOTOS are
"impossible to understand". How's that for the Mother Of All
Ironies?
No concept better underscores this than what is commonly known as
"approach anxiety".
This needs no introduction for 99% of you who are reading this.
Since the dawn of time, men have encountered women who interest
them sexually...and have collectively clammed up.
Even the most ostensibly fearless men out there fold up and
collapse when confronted with the idea of approaching a particularly
interesting woman.
In fact, because they often fear the verdict of either being
"accepted" or "rejected" by a woman they've pre-approved on sight,
the ensuing "contest" which could result in "getting beat by a girl"
is too much especially for the "tough guys" among us.
Some of the biggest wusses around hotties I've ever known were U.S.
Marines on 1000cc sportbikes. Go figure.
Whatever the exact reason for approach anxiety (e.g. fear of
rejection, lack of things to say, "getting beat by a girl", etc.),
most men deal with it at least sometime in their lives.
Meanwhile, over in the Land Of The MOTOS, women are typically
unaware that approach anxiety even exists...let alone is such a
massive limiting factor for the vast majority of men.
You are reading correctly. Most women don't even realize men fear
approaching them.
Of course, most of us guys have no idea how women themselves view
approach anxiety. They've never bothered to find out. After all,
that would have involved walking up to them and asking them, right?
The first time Emily heard the term "approach anxiety", she fully
acknowledged that even she had no idea it was going on.
For her, and for every single one of her friends, the automatic
assumption had been made that men who don't walk up to them and say
"hello" are simply uninterested.
Following logically, this means that since over 95% of all men are
too timid to approach a woman, most women go through life thinking
that less than 5% of all men are actually interested in them.
Factor in the reality that the more intriguing a woman is to a
broader cross-section of the male population the greater the
percentage of men who lack the courage to approach her becomes, and
you can quickly figure out why so many particularly sharp women are
dateless.
I specifically remember the Homecoming Queen at my high school not
having a date for the dance. And that's just one example.
Recently I went and tested what I had learned. I asked every
reasonably attractive woman I happened across how often guys came
up to them an introduced themselves.
By far the most frequent answer was, "Uh...not often." For many, it
was such a seldom occurrence that each time it happened was like a
"scene from a movie", soon to be recounted to every one of her
girlfriends in detail.
And yes...to my own utter shock, admittedly...the vast majority of
women usually assumed that men who didn't talk to them were simply
uninterested.
Granted, most knew that some men were too shy to talk to them, but
virtually none of them realized how universal approach anxiety
actually is.
What's more, here's the real kicker: Most women I talked to
claimed that they wished more men would talk to them. They LOVE
when it happens, and would be thrilled if it happened more often.
Simply put, they fail to comprehend why they're so blasted "scary"
to men. Repeatedly, I heard things like this come out of the
women's mouths I checked in with: "Who me? Why in the world am I
so scary to men? I'm a nice person!"
When I explained to these women how very real approach anxiety is
to most men, and that a far higher percentage of men around them
probably were very interested than they supposed, most of them fell
slack jawed.
"Wow. Really? And here I was thinking I just wasn't so attractive
after all."
Oh, and for what it's worth, I probably asked 50-75 women about
this. Not one of them was rude to me. Not one.
Here's the bottom line, if you can get out of your own head and
understand what's really going on inside a woman's for a change,
you'll find that an "unfair advantage" has been right under your
nose all this time.
All you ever had to do was take it and make it your own.
Women everywhere are watching most men walk right on by and are
wondering what's wrong with themselves. I realize this is a
preposterous thought to you.
But how could your life change if you put it to the test?
Remember, women follow your lead. If you can walk up to a woman
confidently, expecting a positive reception, then she will
immediately feel comfortable and positive toward you.
Contrast this with "collecting" all your nervous energy and bracing
yourself for a "contest" when approaching a woman. Uneasiness
begets an unsettling feeling in a woman, which is contrary to the
security she must feel in order to respond well to you.
And when you expect rejection, you lead a woman to give you exactly
what you expect.
Instead, equipped with the knowledge that a woman probably is all
but oblivious to the very existence of approach anxiety, take that
life lesson and begin viewing women as they view themselves.
They're wondering why you keep passing them by. After all, they're
just not that scary to themselves.
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I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot
P.S Be sure to grab that newest episode of The Chick Whisperer if
you haven't already.
In addition to the formal announcement of The Leading Man, episode
#23 features interviews with all six new coaches, along with other
special surprises.
Let's just say that if you're looking for "edgy" stuff from me, you
will not be disappointed.
Get it at no charge on iTunes (search "The Chick Whisperer" under
"podcasts") or subscribe using the feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
P.P.S. Here's another chance to be a "fly on the wall" and listen
in on what Emily tells women regarding how to be exceptional.
This is yet another way to gain tremendous insight into what a great
woman looks like. Send a blank email to Emily@aweber.com and you're
in. Cheers.
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