[X&Y] When Another Guy Threatens Your Woman's Honor
Published: Sun, 11/30/08
FIND US ON FACEBOOK:
http://www.desevewhatyouwant.com/facebook
FOLLOW US ON TWITTER (WE AUTO-FOLLOW IN RETURN):
http://www.twitter.com/scotmckay
=====
IN THIS EDITION: So how do you handle situations where another guy
starts taking inappropriate liberties with your woman?
Do you risk a physical altercation by intervening? Or do you stand
there and be humiliated...even as someone you care about is also
disrespected?
Finally, the hard answers to an even harder question...
=====
"CAN YOU MAKE THIS EASY FOR ME, SCOT?"
This is a question I'm getting more and more lately. And while a
few guys would probably like for me to provide "amazing skill with
women" in a form as easy to swallow as a vitamin supplement, that's
not what most of you are talking about.
Mostly, you're recognizing that we've got A LOT of resources around
here and it can be overwhelming to navigate. You want to know
exactly what we've got for you and you want to be able to find it
when you look for it.
So here's the easy answer: EVERYTHING--including stuff for men and
for women--can always be found at our main portal right here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
Obviously, we have Web pages featuring more detail on specific
areas of interest like podcasts, social networking sites and The
Leading Man that you can link to from there. But as a baseline, it
all starts at the link above.
Remember, we've got something for almost everyone, so there will
always be quite a number of links. I've sorted them by category for
that very reason.
And yes...everything directly linked to from that central portal is an
X & Y Communications production.
So take a quick look and discover a new and cool resource that you
may have not known about until today.
There's even a roadmap near the top of the page, a full product
catalog, a podcast directory and a complete sitemap if you want it
all spelled out before your very eyes.
Enjoy!
And now, here's yet another topic that every guy thinks about at
some point...but it's just too much of a "hot potato" to be dealt
with effectively elsewhere...
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
I think we've all read about what to do when an AMOG (Alpha Male
Other Guy) tries to harsh your buzz when you're with a woman.
But what about when things go a bit too far...and using the right "Jedi
Mind Trick" is clearly not going to work? Here's a great question
from Sven in Sweden:
=====
Hey Scot,
I'm wondering if you have any ideas on how to handle a situation
like for instance when another man tries to humiliate you or her
and would probably take pleasure in a physical confrontation?
I don't believe in fighting him (especially if he's a black belt
who weighs in at 250 pounds and is a member of Hell's Angels) but I
would also like to do what I can to handle it well in the eyes of
my woman, if perhaps only by acting in a certain way afterwards.
I'm also wondering if you have any ideas on how to handle
situations where you as a man are afraid to step up and "do what
you have to do" or in a position of inner or outer weakness about
something important, involving in some way being her leader,
protector and so on.
Do you think it's prudent to allow her to know of that fear and
weakness at that particular point in time for instance? Not by
panicking, just letting her know something about what you are going
through?
I see no reason to risk getting seriously injured merely to "defend
my woman's honor" and if she can't understand that she is not the
right one for me.
Cheers,
Sven (Goteborg, Sweden)
=====
Hey Sven, thanks for writing in. This is a heavy-duty question,
requiring an industrial-strength answer.
The short answer is that women are saddled with enduring pregnancy
and childbirth, and you as a man are saddled with potentially
taking a fist in the face (literally or figuratively) to stand up
for your woman's honor, defend her physical safety and/or make
other hard decisions in crisis situations.
Not the easiest answer to hear, I realize. But this is at the
heart of what separates men of character from the rest. You don't
buckle under pressure, you take courage when you must and you stand
for what's right no matter what the circumstances are.
It's not really THAT pragmatic in most real-life situations, but
that's the short answer. The good news is that when you stand up
to challenges you rarely end up maimed or even injured.
In the real world, I've had to stand up for my woman's honor before
on several occasions--including with people a foot taller and 150#
larger than I...and I've yet to get beat up.
Generally speaking, when guys are acting like idiots and someone
brings that to their attention, they tend to back off rather than
continue looking like idiots.
In fact, that one HUGE guy actually I mentioned actually apologized
and bought the whole table a round. My girlfriend at the time was
amazed.
These days, nobody gets to disrespect Emily without having to deal
with me in some way.
And importantly, such challenges may come in a variety of forms.
A while back a certain podcast host out there was finding it
convenient to hate on me pretty hard on his show. That I could
deal with, since he comes from a decidedly different perspective
than I do.
But when he made public remarks of a sexual nature about Emily he
heard from me.
He made the judgment call to put my phone conversation with him
live on his show, so EVERYONE in his audience was a witness to my
civil but very direct words to him on that matter.
I think he was expecting and perhaps hoping for a heated rant from
me and perhaps an emotionally-charged argument that he could in
turn use to his own humorous advantage.
But that's not what he got.
He backed off from his position immediately, apologized publicly
and even posted a link to my site. After all, he isn't a bad guy
at his core, and neither am I.
He simply needed to be accountable for his actions in the name of
"entertainment" vis-à-vis the real people affected by those
actions.
He hasn't said anything disrespectful since, as far as I've been
able to gather. I am now on good terms with him, having accepted
his apology, and trust he will not.
So don't get me wrong, I don't think you go picking fights per se,
either physically or verbally. But I will always most certainly
take the risk to defend Emily, and really my family in general.
I can't just can tell her I'm scared in the heat of the moment or
tell her what I would have LIKED to have done sometime after the
dust clears and expect her compassionate, understanding feminine
nature to "fill in the gaps" for me.
Granted, I won't be foolish about it (e.g. if the aggressor is
holding someone hostage at gunpoint, God forbid), but I don't think
that's what most of us are likely to face.
In fact, if we as guys exercise solid 20/20 foresight, good
judgment will keep us from venues that are likely to be a breeding
ground for aggressive altercations at all.
Further, solid "relationship quarterbacking" will give you the
field-sense to see potential trouble brewing and lead your woman by
the hand away from it before it's an issue.
But even despite our best-laid plans and solid judgment calls,
you've got to be prepared.
Simply put, AMOG tests from boneheads should always be challenged.
Otherwise, your ability to fulfill upon creating a sense of safety
and security in your woman will be severely compromised...perhaps
permanently.
That said, if your relationship with the woman is solid enough, she
should actually HELP you when the time comes, as long as you are
the one who shows boldness first.
A great woman will not leave you "twisting in the wind" in these
situations.
For example:
AMOG (to her): "Hey, hottie. Why don't you come home with me
instead of this chump?"
You: "Thanks for the high compliment about my impeccable taste in
women, man...but this one's going to be coming home with me." [laughs]
[Note the initial use of laughter, meant to diffuse a potentially
tense situation]
AMOG (to you): "Get lost, Chief. Come back when you grow up."
You: She's not impressed. And that level of disrespect toward her
better judgment is just messed up, man.
[Note the refusal to descend to his level or fall into the trap of
'playing his game'. You call out the disrespect for what it is and
leave it on the table as-is.]
Her (to AMOG): Yeah, I think I hear your mother calling you,
little boy. Your definition of being "grown up" leaves something
to be desired.
[Here, the woman you are with acknowledges your courage as a man,
and serves notice to the AMOG that his presumption of power has
been neutralized.]
The AMOG will almost always eject at this point, unless you have
indeed made a severely poor choice in venues.
Most aggressors are simply on power trips in these situations, and
even if they are a bit drunk they do NOT want to start fights, go
to jail, and/or get shot--which in and of itself is a primary reason
why what we're talking about today is a HUGE issue for guys no
matter what their physical size is.
Once AMOGs realize they're starting to look stupid based purely on
their own doing, they turn their attention elsewhere.
Sometimes, as I mentioned, guys who do boneheaded things in public
get a moment of epiphany regarding their ridiculous actions, often
followed by remorse and even apology.
When a guy understands another man to have just taken a bold stand
in defense of his woman's honor, that often comes with the sudden
realization that HE is the one who made that unfortunate moment
necessary.
I do not think most AMOGs are okay with being flat-out evil people,
so often this is a wake up call.
But admittedly not always. You may come across a situation on
rare, rare occasions when the AMOG just wants to push the envelope.
You get the bouncer after that, unless he physically touches
her...at which time you must intervene.
Say what you will, but my opinion is that you will lose that woman
at that point if you don't make some physical effort to protect her
at the potential expense of your own safety.
You've got to be willing to take a real, actual fist in the face
for her at that point vs. watching her be physically assaulted as
you look on "helplessly".
My bet is that even a man paralyzed from the waist down would jump
out of his wheelchair and do what he could--even if friggin' Hulk
Hogan was physically assaulting a woman he cared about.
Why? Because that's our job as men. Period.
But ultimately, I think most guys fail to see the "big picture"
when considering potential situations like this.
Unless you have willingly inserted your woman and yourself into
harm's way by going to a place where violent confrontations are
either condoned or typically go unscrutinized, your bold stand for
what's right will rarely if ever result in the outcome you fear
most.
Think about it. If a guy shows up and disrespects your woman when
you've been minding your own business, only to physically assault
you and/or her when you object, that's tantamount to no less than a
terrorist act.
The problem is that I think A LOT of guys fail to deploy when the
time comes out of pure fear or even selfishness, which thereby
creates a playground of ridicule for an AMOG.
In fact, that's probably what he's betting on.
Even when the AMOG fails to attract your woman away from you in
such a scenario, he will have succeeded at creating a situation
where your woman is sent a very clear negative message about YOU.
And I'll maintain with every fiber of my being that having let a
woman down under those circumstances and having sacrificed my honor
as a man at that moment would hurt a lot more than anything some
guy can do to me.
Even if he kills me.
Besides, there's always the off chance you'll surprise yourself and
him should he attempt physical aggression. And the judge will
understand the meaning of "self-defense", especially if you have
some witnesses around.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
Obviously, I talk about "crisis management" for a full hour in The
Leading Man. The very topic we discussed today is covered at
length in that particular audio program.
If you're going to be a man who represents what a great woman wants
long-term, being a man of courageous character is but one part of
that--albeit a MAJOR one.
You've also got to know how to create attraction well beyond the
initial "honeymoon stage", communicate with her effectively,
understand what's going on in her head, and even resolve conflict
without saying things you'll regret later.
Essentially, you've got to LEAD.
Others are out there actively trying to imitate The Leading Man,
which I consider a high compliment.
But make no mistake...without being a man of CHARACTER and TRUE
LEADERSHIP, all efforts add up to exactly that...an imitation.
Why pretend any longer? Be the TRUTH to a woman. Be AUTHENTIC in
a way that she'll respond powerfully to:
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
Here's the deal.
The 35% off promo for The Leading Man is still going on, but I'm
reserving the right to remove it in December.
This means that if you are ready to go BEYOND pickup tactics and
discover the life-skills that keep great women attracted FOREVER,
then NOW is the time to get The Leading Man.
You can also get a free month of Power Sessions for the asking,
which includes UNLIMITED E-MAIL COACHING and this month's program
on "How To Relate To Different Types Of Women".
All women are NOT the same, even if it seems that way based on what
you've read before. Arm yourself with the latest Power Sessions
program and solve that issue for good.
Here's the link again where you can find The Leading Man for 35%
off and snag your free month of Power Sessions:
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
The holiday season is HERE once again. This time, get a great
woman to enjoy the festivities and ring in the new year with. No
more "revolving door" of women.
And I'll talk to you soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. I have exactly one Ten-Plus slot left until next year. If
you like what you are reading in these newsletters and/or what
you've discovered through The Leading Man and are ready to
fine-tune your success with women, then you could be ready for
Ten-Plus.
Taking your own specific challenges and goals into consideration,
Ten-Plus is a customized program designed to take you from where
you are right now to where you want to be...all through guided 1-on-1
interaction, either with me, Emily and/or other members of our
coaching staff.
To learn more, call me on +1-210-260-6400 or check out the
following link:
http://www.dating-coaches.com/
=====
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to
"questions@deservewhatyouwant.com"
Your feedback is welcome. Please keep your questions brief and to
the point.
If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter
to others. That's how we build our audience.
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "How
To Deal With Breakups" for free. Or, just email "xandy@aweber.com"
Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Discussion Forum:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum)
Follow Us On Twitter:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/twitter
(http://www.twitter.com/scotmckay/)
Friend Us On Facebook
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/facebook
(http://profile.to/scot-mckay/)
Friend Us On MySpace
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/myspace
(http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y)
Pin Yourself (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
www.frappr.com/xandy