[X&Y] The Truth About Flirting
Published: Thu, 10/30/08
BLOG:
http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog
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IN THIS EDITION: Once and for all, here's the true secret to
effectively flirting with women. Wait until you read how simple it
is. Have you been "trying too hard" all this time? Find out...
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FACEBOOK CHALLENGES
If you've been my friend on Facebook in the past, you're probably
wondering where my profile is. In fact, I've gotten a bunch of
e-mails asking that very question.
Well, yes...it crashed. Completely, irrevocably "cratered". As in
"vaporized". "Evaporated into thin air".
Having spoken to the IT people over there, it looks like I've got
to start with a clean slate.
So...definitely be sure to 're-add' me at my new profile so I can
continue to hang out with you on Facebook, which is always very cool.
http://profile.to/scot-mckay
Now, let's get to the bottom of flirting once and for all...
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THE TRUTH ABOUT FLIRTING
What do you think of when you hear the word "flirting"?
Be honest.
For years (make that decades) I used to equate the concept of
flirting with making the kind of remarks and/or gestures toward
women that would get you slapped for your efforts.
Images of construction workers whistling at female passers-by.
Unsolicited whacks on the tail. Lines like "Hey baby, nice shoes..."
Know what I mean?
Basically, being called a "flirt" was never something positive back
when I was in school. At least, I didn't THINK it was.
Except that in retrospect, all the guys the girls would call a
"flirt" in an irritated and/or shocked tone of voice also seemed to
be the ones who got the dates.
Was it that maybe the girls actually LIKED being flirted with, and
that my own misinformation about all "male behavior" equating to
"bad behavior" had clouded my logic?
Nah...couldn't have been.
Flirting had to have been a bad idea if you wanted to be a "nice
guy".
At least that's what I used to think.
But nowadays my perspective is different.
It all started when I began to figure out that women talk about
flirting A LOT. In fact, women's dating advice is practically
obsessed with it.
Considering women talk about it so much, I realized that it can't
be automatically a "negative" in their mindset.
The truth is that women, like men, want to know HOW to flirt...and
they want to know WHEN to flirt.
Moreover, they want to know how to respond POSITIVELY to MEN who
are flirting with THEM.
You mean the answer isn't as easy as "slap their grill silly, stomp
away angrily and call security?"
Apparently not. That wouldn't require so much writing on the
subject.
Go figure.
So here's the deal. If women WANT to be flirted with, then the
REAL DEFINITION of what "flirting" is must somehow be different
than "unsolicited, unwanted sexual advances".
And it is.
The real definition of "flirting" is not only VERY different than
that, it's also DISARMINGLY SIMPLE.
Ready?
"Flirting" is simply ANY INTERACTION of ANY KIND with MOTOS
(members of the opposite sex) that would flat-out feel WRONG were
it directed to someone of the same gender.
Granted, I'm assuming "heterocentrism" here...but I trust you get my
point.
It's not necessarily overtly SEXUAL communication.
It's simply DIFFERENT.
If you see a woman coming the other way and smile at her, you
probably wouldn't have smiled that way at another guy.
We all know that if you lock eyes with a man and hold the gaze, it
signals potential hostility. So you'd probably avoid that
scenario.
But if you lock eyes with a woman and hold it, that's DIFFERENT.
If you're checking in at the airline counter and the woman asks for
your ID, you might joke with her that she's probably wondering if
she's old enough to hang with you.
Innocent enough...but not exactly what you'd say were it a guy behind
the counter. Right?
If you're shopping for clothes and ask a particularly hot woman who
works there to recommend some stylish threads to "make you look
good", and she obliges, my guess is that you'll interact with her
along the way a bit differently than you would were some dude
helping you.
In fact, you'd probably tell the guy who works there that you were
"just looking" and take your chances on your own.
Why?
Because that's DIFFERENT. It's just not the SAME when someone of
the same gender helps you with stuff like that.
I think too many of us as guys are too uptight about, if not
downright SCARED OF flirting because we treat it as a "black and
white" issue.
What if you started looking at the "grey area"?
What if you made a habit of realizing that simple banter with women
doesn't have to be "sexually charged" in order to be flirting?
Could you potentially see how by doing so you can quickly and
easily set yourself apart as a MAN rather than some "neuter
creature"...all the while without being creepy, sleazy or pushy?
What if you began to FREE YOURSELF to interact with women in a way
that's DIFFERENT than how you interact with other guys?
Sound good? Thought so.
And here is the wild part: I bet you ALREADY DO EXACTLY THAT.
Every day. Probably without even realizing it.
Every day, 95% or more of us as guys are on auto-pilot as far as
interacting with women "differently" goes.
In other words, it's likely that you already have MORE PRACTICE and
are probably BETTER AT flirting than you guess.
Now, don't get me wrong. If you are one of the 5% out there who
absolutely, positively and robotically responds to any human being
drawing breath in the same manner all the time, you probably need
to loosen up.
In fact, if that's the case call me IMMEDIATELY and let's get it
dealt with.
But see, my guess is that 80% of you guys reading this are thinking
you must be part of that 5%. And you probably are not.
Test me here. The next time you leave the house, pay careful
attention to how you interact with men compared to how you interact
with women.
My educated guess is that you'll note clear differences that you may
have not even noticed before.
That's because you're a FLIRT. And you're hard-wired to
be--practically from birth. (Note: For more on that see the blog
post from October 23rd)
Amazingly, flirting isn't even limited to hot women you are
attracted to, let alone only to women you've just met.
Since it's not sexually charged necessarily, just about anyone or
anything female could potentially be responded to "differently".
And they should...even if you've known them for fifty years.
It's all about making women smile. It's about making them
comfortable with you. It's about giving them the distinct
privilege, accompanied by the subtle thrill, of having a MAN in
their presence.
Now, with THAT final piece of the puzzle in place, you can now see
how "stage 2" flirting--the kind that involves a little more sexual
zing--is a natural outflow from this "different" style of
communication with women.
But as a man, you can modulate how that goes by LEADING as you
interact with women.
For instance, you say something fun and challenging to brighten her
day. How does she respond?
If she responds in a manner that is decidedly DIFFERENT than how
she might respond to some other lady, then you've got a willing
accomplice.
If she's stone cold and about as neuter as a Styrofoam cup...well,
maybe not.
But if she responds powerfully to your leadership in the
conversation, you can then train yourself to recognize that as
potential interest of the decidedly NON-neuter kind.
At that point, get her number. Make plans to see her again. DO
SOMETHING rather than leave her hanging. Because if you do not,
you'll disappoint her.
Oh...and by the way...in case you haven't figured it out yet, all of
this logic works in REVERSE.
Have you been sitting around lately complaining that women should
"show more interest" in guys and/or "make it easier" for you to
approach them?
From now on, you know that if a woman is interacting with you in
ANY WAY that's DIFFERENT from how she would typically deal with
another woman, then you've got all the info you need.
After all, she probably won't whistle like a construction worker,
grab your crotch or use some line on you. At least probably not.
So with that in mind, give all that I've shared with you a try. I
promise you'll be blown away.
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Today I've challenged your beliefs about flirting and shown you how
it's really about UNDERSTANDING WOMEN and LEADING.
Can you see yourself as a LEADER, even from MINUTE ONE in your
interactions with women?
Whether you'd like to date several women right now or are all about
identifying and attracting the very best woman you've ever met as
soon as possible, you've got to be ready and able to MANAGE
RELATIONSHIPS with women.
And that's exactly what The Leading Man is all about.
You must portray the kind of man who women REALLY WANT from the
VERY BEGINNING.
And from that moment forward, you've got to be the MAN for as long
as you choose to continue that relationship...whether that means ten
minutes or many, many years.
If you want to end the "revolving door" of women in your life and
make sure the kind of women you REALLY WANT in your life STICK
AROUND a while, you've got to go WAY BEYOND what most pickup
artists teach.
Right now, I've got a 35% discount going on. This means that you
can get The Leading Man for almost exactly the launch day price.
In fact, it's a few pennies less. Here's the place to be:
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
Being a man who leads even from the first time you flirt with a
woman is mission-critical. But that's just the tip of the
proverbial iceberg, of course.
The Leading Man is the COMPLETE SYSTEM for preparing yourself to
excel at EVERY STAGE of a relationship--regardless of the
circumstances life throws at you.
And you can start listening to it TODAY. No waiting for shipments
to your door. No international delays. No scratched discs.
Just TWELVE HOURS of non-stop insight into an area that almost
every guy tragically overlooks...until he has long since "settled"
and/or the divorce lawyers are splitting your bank account.
So get in on The Leading Man today, set yourself apart as a man who
"gets it", and save yourself a world of hurt later.
I'm even EXPANDING the system in the next week or two with an
all-new program on conflict resolution that you will not want to
miss:
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
While you're at it, you can also score a f-r-e-e month of Power
Sessions. 1-on-1 e-mail coaching is included plus that killer
audio program on how to make YOUR unique personality type work FOR
you instead of AGAINST you when it comes to succeeding with women.
Truly, if you were thinking about getting The Leading Man back in
September and have been kicking yourself since the price went up,
NOW is the time to "turn back the clock".
By the way, that reminds me...don't forget to turn back the REAL
clock this Saturday night if you live in the US of A. If you're
anything like me, you always seem to be the guy who doesn't get
that memo in time every year...right?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you've been listening to The Chick Whisperer podcast for
less than a year, you probably don't even know about the "secret
lost episode" with Brent "Mr. Indifferent" Smith that was recorded
about a year ago.
Well...it's now FINALLY on the feed. The topic is "Stop Giving Your
Power Away" and it's solid stuff. Get in on iTunes (and leave us a
review if you would), or stop here:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
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