[X&Y] Finally Be The "Chooser" Instead Of The "Chaser"
Published: Thu, 01/15/09
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IN THIS EDITION: So you want a REAL-WORLD idea of what it looks
like to be a CHOOSER instead of a CHASER?
Here's a letter from a reader that shows you EXACTLY how to recognize
when you're making that all-important transition in your own dating
life...and what to expect when it happens.
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CARLOS XUMA HELPS YOU CONQUER YOUR #1 CONCERN
Okay, with all the free videos from Carlos going around these days,
you had to have just a sneaking suspicion that he was up to
something new and, knowing Carlos, probably cool.
Well, the news is out. As of just about an hour ago, he's released
to the world what could really be his "magnum opus".
If you know Carlos, you know that he's a martial arts trainer along
with what he does for his "day job".
This means that when he decides to compile every single thing he's
ever discovered about INNER GAME and offer it ALL IN ONE PLACE,
you're talking about something that's seriously buzzworthy.
And seriously, Carlos' new ULTIMATE INNER GAME PROGRAM is worth
taking a look at. Not only because it's BRAND NEW AS OF TONIGHT,
but because it could be the most comprehensive package I've ever
seen on this mission-critical subject:
http://innergame.carlosxuma.com/?aid=074215
If nothing else, take a quick look at that page just to read
Carlos' amazingly elegant description of EXACTLY WHAT "inner game"
really is.
Think about it...have you ever really heard it put into words
effectively? Well...look no further than the link above. It's about
10% of the way down the page, pretty much near the top.
I'll tell you what, not since Virtuosity have I seen such a
head-spinning amount of great stuff.
In fact, Carlos has indeed gotten a bunch of other guys who are
really good with inner game to contribute to Ultimate Inner Game,
making this a truly complete reference.
By the way, I was a bit late contributing my own audio to the mix,
but rest assured it's coming to you as part of "Bonus 13" (13
Bonuses? That's outrageous) as the program expands.
So definitely get a look at this. I'll tell you, inner game issues
have been Public Enemy #1 for every single guy I've ever
known...including Carlos, me, and every other guy on this program.
I think it's very cool that Carlos has developed this killer way
for you to get inner game issues conquered once and for all. And
really, wait until you see the list of guys who've got your back
here:
http://innergame.carlosxuma.com/?aid=074215
Oh, and I almost forgot. If you decide to pull the trigger on
this, you can download this entire program TODAY. No more waiting
for CDs in the mail.
AND...if you are one of the 1st 100 guys to do so, you'll get a
special FAST-ACTION bonus. (Bonus 14, for those of you keeping
score at home).
AND...what the heck...
*** If you order from THE LINK ABOVE, I'll personally send you a
copy of How To Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life.***
I think you're going to need it after going through Ultimate Inner
Game, frankly. BTW, that goes for $19.95 in the X & Y
Communications store.
Just e-mail me your receipt after purchase
(scot@deservewhatyouwant.com), and I'll send you the book right
away.
REMEMBER...You've GOT to use one of the links in THIS E-MAIL that I've
included above in order to be eligible.
So if you're even thinking about snapping up ULTIMATE INNER GAME,
link to Carlos' page from THIS E-MAIL. Then you'll get my special
bonus (Bonus 15?) on top of all else!
Now, let's hear from Keith In Thousand Oaks, CA who happens to be
in reading How To Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life even as
we speak...
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FINALLY THE "CHOOSER" INSTEAD OF THE "CHASER"
Hi Scot,
I'm meeting tons of great gals on Match.com. I'm also in the middle
of reading "Wildly Successful Dating Life".
After the email stage, a gal and I talked on the phone and we
agreed to meet after the holidays. We haven't talked since then.
She fell into my "maybe" zone or "grey zone".
Stronger contenders have risen since then and I need to remove her
from the list and I really don't want to leave her hanging.
I don't know why, but how to handle this "no thanks" talk seems a
little more difficult for me than others. If you could offer some
thoughts on this, I'd appreciate it.
This "how much relationship potential does she have?" issue is real
tricky.
I've created a list of qualities I want in a woman as you talk about
in the book, but when it comes to judging a new woman we have to just
rely on intuition to some degree, look for "red flags"etc....but it's
hard to know for sure.
(By the way, my divorce is fairly recent and I'm just looking to
date right now and not get too serious too soon.)
Here's an example: I had a coffee date recently with a different
gal than the one above.
We live about 15 miles apart. In setting up the coffee date, I
suggested we meet half way. In a gentle way she suggested we meet
closer to her place.
Hmmm...OK, no big deal. When we met there was some chemistry
between us. We discussed a second date. We first talked about
going to a museum near me, then she changed her mind and wanted to
go to a museum near her. It was left non-committal.
Red flag...seems like she always wants things her way. I didn't
call her for a couple of weeks, then reconsidered and set up a date.
Punch line: it turns out she has poor night vision and is afraid of
driving outside of her neighborhood after dark! My "red flag"
turned out to be a "red herring"!
I've discovered that she's a nice gal, very accommodating and has
real relationship potential.
On the one hand, I almost let a good one go. On the other hand, I
HAVE to narrow the field some way in order to make my "Wildly
Successful Dating Life" workable.
I don't know if it's possible to draw any specific conclusions on
this issue, but it's an interesting one.
By the way, this kind of personal attention you offer your Power
Sessions members is unique among dating experts and is very
valuable to me. You're a good man. Thank you.
Cordially,
Keith (Thousand Oaks, CA)
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Hello Keith:
First, congrats on the success. Looks like you're having some
great experiences there.
Reading your message, what I'm getting is that you haven't come to
grips with the inevitability of disappointment for many of the
women you'll be meeting.
Welcome to what it's actually like for hot women everywhere who
have guys chasing them constantly, only to have to turn most of
them down.
At its very essence, this is what it's like to be the CHOOSER
instead of the CHASER.
Beautiful women get thrust into this role by needy, clueless men
early in life and they learn the ropes quickly.
(That's right...WE are responsible for creating the "monster" that
is female control over our dating lives.)
Us as guys, on the other hand, usually end up having to undo this
"bird's nest" later if we elect to do what 's required to take our
rightful role as LEADERS.
We first make the decision to stop groveling to women, and
therefore we stop failing with them.
Following logically, we see more OPTIONS open up, and that feeds
our confidence in being CHOOSERS ourselves, doesn't it?
But the "common enemy" that trips us up as guys is "hurting women's
feelings" when we don't "choose" them, ultimately.
After all, most of us are decent guys and we just don't want to
disappoint women and break their hearts. After all, they're sort of
"fragile" and they might cry or something. And that bums us out.
So here are two things to remember:
1) Women are MUCH better equipped to handle tough news than we give
them credit for.
Generally, they're at least as ready for it as we are when the time
comes. They prefer knowing the truth over being "treated like a
mushroom" (kept in the dark and fed manure) every time.
2) The sooner the disappointing news comes, the better.
We tend drag things on longer than we have to, and guess what?
Women often FOLLOW. They instinctively KNOW the breakup should
happen, but they nevertheless wait for YOU to do it.
This is why women are often so flat-out ANGRY, HURT and FRUSTRATED
when they finally DO the breaking up themselves. It's because they
KNOW that YOU should have done the obvious, but you didn't MAN UP.
Now granted, sometimes women will dump our happies if we deserve it
in some way by acting like a total loser.
But that becomes a "non-issue" when you're a "Big Four" guy.
You're usually going to have to take the bull by the
horns...especially when things are headed nowhere early on, and
even when the sex is really good and she's likely to hang around
even as you deprioritize her. You've got to do the "heavy lifting"
yourself as a man of character.
BTW, just like you can't carry the heavy burden of her having
disappointed you, you can't hold yourself responsible for social
mistakes she makes in the dating process.
Women by no means have EVERYTHING figured out in the dating world.
The notion that they all are fully astute in the art of social
skill by some natural divine dispensation or something is a myth.
The woman who lives fifteen miles from you should have been up
front about her issue with driving at night, and you would have
been cool with it.
The fact that she gave off the first impression of being really
selfish and controlling is HER FAULT, not yours for perceiving it.
SHE committed the dating faux pas there. You are a busy man with
options, so you can only go on the information and perceptions you
have.
Fair enough, right?
By the way, you can see why "hidden detractors" are such a major
derailing force for both men and women everywhere.
I'm sure this woman drives away other high-quality guys all the
time, while managing to get some more "average" ones to stick
around and endure her foibles.
Meanwhile, she may be writing Emily sooner than later asking why the
great guys always become disinterested. Hmmm...
Thanks for writing. I love hearing from guys like you who are
starting to see REAL SUCCESS as a result of being a high-quality
man who attracts high-quality women.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. By the way, YES...today IS INDEED "Power Sessions 2-For-1 Day",
which comes but once per month.
Right now, you have one last shot at getting that audio on
"Masculinity As Women See It" right now, while getting the BRAND
NEW January edition on "Ambition, Motivation And Passion That
Attracts" when it hits the street sometime tomorrow.
A bonus month's worth of Power Sessions is included with literally
ANY purchase from the X & Y Communications store...even the $7
Seminars. But remember, you have to check the box asking for it.
And today, it's all about getting "2-for-1"...both within the next 24
hours for the bargain price of NADA.
This really is a "no brainer" if you care AT ALL about being
immediately interesting to women without resorting to "tactics" and
"techniques". Here's the link to the store:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/store
P.P.S. I realize I'm kind of including what follows "under the
radar" here at the end of this e-mail, but Emily and I are ready to
take a nice trip. We'd like to go either to SE Australia (Sydney,
Melbourne) or to SE Asia (Singapore, Malaysia) this time around.
So we're absolutely kicking around the idea of doing a weekend live
event for you if you're there.
If this interests you, SPEAK UP by emailing me at
scot@deservewhatyouwant.com
The price for such a thing would be kept to about $1000 USD, and we'd
likely invite guests. In fact, if you organize the group, you can
tell us EXACTLY what you want covered.
We'd possibly even consider doing a Ten-Plus Live or two while we're
there.
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