[X&Y] She SEEMS Interested, But Won't Give You Her Number. What's Up With That?
Published: Thu, 01/22/09
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IN THIS EDITION: What's up with a woman who SEEMS interested, but
who just doesn't seem to let you lead things to the next level?
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot!
I have been a Power Sessions member for some months now. You said
that if we have a question, we can contact you.
So would I be able to ask you mine :) ?
I've got talking to a waitress at a cafe/bar I often go to. It's a
really chill place...she chuckles at my jokes, we get on fine.
However she's really pretty and I'm sure lots of guys like her.
Yesterday I asked her out and she didn't want to. Instead she said
come back to the café anytime.
Finally I did. After I paid I took her to a quiet part of the cafe
and we chatted a little and again she seemed receptive. I asked
for her number twice and she said she didn't give out her number.
Then she said all this stuff about her job and exams and not having
time for friends...
So what should I do? She's not interested in a way but we do get
on fine. Do I chalk this up to experience? Or keep persisting? I
read somewhere girls want to see how persistent a man can be.
The interesting thing is that even when she was saying 'no' she was
standing there still, without the urge to get back to her work. I
mean, she was still facing me and in fact it was me who ended the
interaction, THEN she went back to work.
Would love to hear your thoughts!
Best wishes,
Viktor (Prague, Czech Rep.)
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Hello Viktor:
First and foremost, OF COURSE you can ask a question. And OF
COURSE I answer them online. Anytime. Power Sessions includes
e-mail coaching as part of the plan.
Having read your story, I have to first say that I can't give a
100% sure answer without seeing the body language, knowing the
exact context of the conversations, etc.
But taking your description of what's going on at face value, no
doubt you have a situation here where she is receptive to you and
possibly even romantically interested.
YET...she doesn't want to spend time with you 1-on-1 or give you her
phone number.
Were she putting you off a bit more, I'd be able to give an easy
answer that she was flat-out uninterested. But this situation is
particularly curious, isn't it?
What she's resistant to are EXACTLY those things that would CLEARLY
STATE "romantic interest" in the objective sense. (e.g. going on
dates, giving out her phone number)
YET...she's willing to hang out with you, take time out while working,
talk to you, laugh at your jokes, etc.)
You may conclude she's been hurt in the past, and is really shy
about dating again.
And that may in fact be possible, but I think it's a long shot.
Based on experience, my guess is that she would have said something
to that effect were that true rather than keeping you hanging.
Women usually come right out with that, especially since it's an
easy excuse.
So, let's take a quick inventory here:
1) She won't go out on a "date" with you
2) She won't give you her phone number
3) She likes to hang out with you in "controlled" situations,
shows personal interest, laughs at your jokes
4) She pretty much leaves you hanging as far as exact
"real-world" details are concerned.
Well, let me assure you that I don't think she's flaky, crazy or
weird.
I think she has a boyfriend.
And I think she wonders if she likes you better.
So this is her way of being "faithful" to her boyfriend, even as
she's allowing herself the indulgence of interacting with you in a
"special" way that falls just short of feeling like "cheating" to
her.
This is a very common pattern in women, especially younger women
who haven't developed the maturity to see beyond their own "grey
area" and consider how their boyfriends may yet feel genuinely
disrespected by their actions.
In her mind, talking to you for extended periods when she should be
working instead, laughing at your jokes and even inviting you back
to see her are "platonic".
But hanging out with you 1-on-1? Giving you her "digits"? Well,
that's CLEARLY crossing over into the territory of "romantic
intentions" as she sees it.
The next time you see her, why not just "tell it like it is"? In
other words, just throw it on the table.
Bear in mind that she will likely NEVER volunteer the information.
Why? Because deep down in her conscience, she realizes that your
vision of "grey area" may indeed be different than hers.
Basically, she knows she's pushing the envelope, and dreads being
spanked for it by a guy like you...who she values.
It's all kind of a crazy psychological game a woman will play with
herself, isn't it?
So as a man, you must not allow yourself to be subject to that.
Instead, you've got to LEAD by bringing clarity to the scenario.
Tell her something to the effect of, "Hey look. I know you like my
company, but anyone can tell that something is holding you back. I
wanted you to know that I understand you probably have a boyfriend,
and since that's the case I shouldn't cause you any more confusion."
Note that I didn't say, "Hey, you have a boyfriend. You should lose
the zero and get with the hero."
That would come off as pushy and controlling, and likely compel her
to defend her boyfriend.
Besides, it's a bad line from an even worse Vanilla Ice movie.
Ironically, taking that approach would probably cause her to
actually feel MORE favor toward him and LESS toward you in the
moment.
If you really want things to work in YOUR favor here, you should
demonstrate that you are all about DECREASING turmoil in her life
and INCREASING peace and security.
It's ALWAYS, ALWAYS about giving a woman a sense of safety and
security in your presence.
That ability to "inspire confidence" is a key component of the "Big
Four", and what I'm sharing with you here is a shining, objective
example of how it's done.
You are likely already presenting yourself as a confident,
masculine man, or she wouldn't be as interested as she is.
So talking like this will INCREASE her intrigue, and therefore her
interest.
Notably, consider that I also didn't recommend saying you "wouldn't
BOTHER her anymore", or anything else that demonstrates a low level
of confidence.
Your statement is based purely on principle, and demonstrates high
level of CHARACTER.
You guessed it...CHARACTER is the fourth (and rarest) of the "Big
Four" factors that represent what compels women to WANT a man.
And wait until you hear what she's likely to say in response to
your forthrightness.
My guess is that the truth will start flowing.
She *may* even admit to you she has doubts about her boyfriend,
which she probably does.
Otherwise, her "grey area" with regard to what constitutes
"platonic" interaction wouldn't have offered such an open
invitation to a guy like you.
Women who are thrilled with their boyfriends tend to naturally avoid
the "grey area" drama I've been describing here. Go figure.
Remember though, as SHE sees it she really has been TRYING not to
give the APPEARANCE of anything that would SEEM like "cheating" TO
HER.
She isn't TRYING to be shady. She WANTS to consider herself
"faithful" to her boyfriend.
But you came along and complicated matters for her...which is
certainly not your "fault" or anything.
THEN, you will have LED by calling her to a higher level of
personal accountability...even as you demonstrated outrageously
attractive traits she hadn't even discovered in you yet.
So, when you get right down to it, her boyfriend would probably
rather be in YOUR position than the one HE'S in, don't you think?
Think, talk and execute confidently and smoothly. It is NEVER
incumbent upon you to "dumb down" your naturally attractive
persona.
You are the man with nothing to lose here. And she is the woman
with everything to gain.
In other words, you are going to DO THE RIGHT THING without
compromise, and all the while INCREASE ATTRACTION an INCREASE THE
LIKELIHOOD that you will ultimately end up able to hang out in a
"non-platonic" way.
Probably sooner than later, I might add.
Now, let's be real here.
What I've just shared with you is NOTHING like what you'd hear in
the PUA Community.
In fact, most Pickup Artists would think I'm flat-out nuts NOT to
run some "boyfriend annihilator" technique or something.
But remember, we talk about going from GOOD to GREAT here.
Getting a woman to cheat on her boyfriend isn't the answer.
Getting her to act contrary to her conscience in ANY way isn't the
answer.
Put aside what YOU want for a brief moment, and REPRESENT what
GREAT WOMEN crave.
The end result? You've got it. You attract the highest-quality
women into your life, and you set a precedent of LEADING the
relationship from minute one.
Gentlemen, this is EXACTLY why The Leading Man is uniquely powerful
among a sea of "pickup" programs.
If you think that a "pretty face" isn't nearly enough, and you want
the "whole package" when it comes to great women, then I can relate
10,000% to what you're all about.
If you "win" a sexy woman, only to have her RUIN your life
shockingly fast, then you've really LOST.
And make no mistake, I'm not telling you to settle for an average
looking woman who's "really nice".
In fact, anyone who suggests such a thing needs to take the Huggies
off and start thinking like a "Big Four" man.
Seriously, my vision for you exceeds that mightily. I think you
should demand a woman with a great heart, strong character, a
playful attitude AND incredibly beauty.
That's right. You have the right to want a woman who is
outrageously hot and sexy...in ADDITION to being "beautiful" on the
inside.
Those women are out there.
But they WILL NOT "settle" either.
The Leading Man is your complete plan for identifying, evaluating,
and building relationships with HIGH-QUALITY women. And it's right
here--with a built-in 35% off coupon:
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
Now listen. There are PUA companies out there who would like you
to think that "relationship management" is tantamount to juggling a
bunch of women.
Someone sent me a link to a "relationship management" program out
there containing a bullet point that read, "Learn how to get away
with as much as you can with a woman you're in a relationship with".
Accept no substitutes. "Relationship management" means being a MAN
who LEADS.
Real men are NOT spending time trying to figure out new ways to be
disingenuous.
After all, that only brings women into your life who will cause you
PAIN.
It's about having OPTIONS. And if those options fail to include
HIGH-QUALITY women, then you really don't have sufficient options
before you at all.
So what's it going to take to take YOUR game to the next level?
Do you WANT choices? Do you WANT to call the shots, and have women
love you for it?
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
Over twelve hours of secrets that few men will ever discover await
you.
You can download everything and get started TODAY. All at 35% off,
and the coupon is BUILT-IN when you order.
It's the "Hassle Free Zone", especially considering I've backed The
Leading Man with a 365-DAY WARRANTY.
I'll even give you a month of Power Sessions f-r-e-e, meaning you
not only get the BRAND NEW audio called "Ambition, Motivation And
Passion That Attracts", you get to have your e-mails answered ANY
TIME, just like Viktor does.
It's all good, right Viktor?
So I look forward to standing beside you as you reach the pinnacle
of success with the world's greatest women.
Enjoy the weekend, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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