[X&Y] The "Ripple Effect" Of Settling
Published: Thu, 03/26/09
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IN THIS EDITION: By now, you already know that "settling" for less
than you want in a woman is a bad idea.
But until now, you've only heard HALF of the story...
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DO YOU HAVE SEXUAL ATTRACTION MASTERED?
Be honest when you answer that last question.
The truth is that ALL OF US want to check that one off the "to do"
list, but VERY FEW of us ever actually do.
That can only mean there are A LOT of guys out there going around
HOPING they're creating instant sexual chemistry with women...when in
reality--you guessed it--they're coming off as little more than a
neuter "Mr. Nice Guy".
And as you know, "neuter" is BY DEFINITION not very sexually
attractive.
Raise your hand if you know that the ONLY difference between
igniting a woman's femininity and ending up in the "just be
friends" zone is SEXUAL ATTRACTION.
Well, my good friend Rion Williams is raising his hand.
You know Rion...he's the "thinking man's" dating coach. Seriously,
if you're über-intelligent and really into breaking down exactly
how and why attraction works, this is your guy.
Right now, Rion is extending a KILLER deal just to you as a
subscriber to this newsletter. It's on his Sexual Attraction
Mastery program, which I have to say delivers a MAJOR bang for the
buck:
http://www.sexualattractionmastery.com/deserving.htm
I'll tell you, I like what Rion is saying about not needing ANY
sort of "game" whatsoever. If you're fed up with getting every
response from women BUT sexual attraction, I strongly encourage
taking a look at what he's got to say here.
Plus, there are some amazing bonuses that you've got to see to
believe. Again, this is EXCLUSIVELY for X & Y Communications
subscribers, so get while the gettin's good.
Even if you just read what Rion has to say about creating INSTANT
ATTRACTION on his Web site, you'll get TONS out of it. So here's
that link again:
http://www.sexualattractionmastery.com/deserving.htm
So now, about SETTLING. There's a "ripple effect" that goes WAY
beyond YOU not getting what YOU want. Here's what I mean...
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The "Ripple Effect" Of Settling
If you settle for LESS than a woman who represents EXACTLY who you
want in a woman, you aren't going to be a happy man.
Yeah, yeah...I have a "firm grasp on the obvious", right?
But if it's SO OBVIOUS, why do SO MANY guys end up settling anyway?
That is a question that came up during a coaching call last night,
and it led to a fascinating discussion.
Essentially, it went something like this...
For starters, we flat-out don't give ourselves PERMISSION to aim as
high as we could...or should.
We're told by others not to be "too picky". If we haven't had a
"girlfriend" for a while, that chorus gets even louder.
So what do we do?
We start thinking maybe they're right. Maybe we should cut a woman
we're not REALLY crazy about a break here and there.
But let's say you do just that.
If you put her in a room with, say, twenty other women you're
likely to find three or four of the others more attractive than
she. But hey, at least she's more interesting to you than the
other fifteen or sixteen.
And maybe she's got a bit of an alcohol addiction. Meh.
Or perhaps she tends to rattle sometimes about how "all men are the
same", etc., etc. Hey, if you're a nice enough guy, you'll snap
her out of it...right?
Wrong. You're making excuses when you think like that, or in any
other of the ways I just mentioned.
And making excuses = SETTLING.
But what might such a woman you'd be settling for say to you all
the while?
She may be the VERY FIRST IN LINE to tell you you're "too picky".
She may accuse you of being "shallow" for not seeing past what you
find unattractive.
But in reality, she's only encouraging you to SETTLE.
And you must never, ever cave in to that kind of pressure.
In fact, if you avoid dating women you already know you'd be
SETTLING for, you'll never even subject yourself to that kind of
pressure to begin with.
Yet, so many people out there (men AND women, really) allow
themselves to get roped into relationships with people they never
really preferred to be with.
A lot of times, it has to do with sheer GUILT.
But here it is: Being a martyr doesn't even serve THE OTHER PERSON
very well, when you get right down to it.
As such, for the good of EVERYONE involved, GUILT isn't nearly
sufficient enough a reason to settle.
Think of it like this (and what follows might be a VERY HEAVY point
for you...possibly even one that triggers a very real BREAKTHROUGH).
How often do we as guys honestly set out to meet and attract
someone BETTER THAN WE DESERVE?
By that I mean saying to ourselves, "Look, I know I don't deserve a
great woman. So I'm going to manipulate one into settling for me."
Face it, going out with the mindset of tricking someone into
SETTLING for you just doesn't compute.
OK, maybe some of the PUA guys may talk about getting women BETTER
LOOKING than you are, but I don't think I've EVER heard any of them
talking about attracting someone of HIGHER QUALITY...either for short
or long-term.
Why not?
Well, for starters to think such would transcend "inner game" to
the point of arrogance. It's UNREASONABLE to expect that you'll
get someone you don't (yet) deserve to "settle" for you.
Heck, most of us have a bad enough time approaching any woman AT ALL.
Further, and more importantly, even if you could pull off "hitting
the jackpot" like that...it wouldn't be any fun in the end.
In fact it would be HUMILIATING.
You'd CONSTANTLY be looking over your shoulder thinking that some
guy who is "more worthy" will win her away from you.
What's more, every time you remember that she'd probably MUCH
RATHER be with someone else, it's going to feel like getting
castrated...24/7/365.
Simply put, if someone "settled" for you, YOU would be as
miserable--if not MORE SO--than she would.
And that's EXACTLY what goes in the WOMAN'S MIND if and when YOU
SETTLE for someone you don't really crave a relationship with.
...Except for the castration part, of course. For her we'll just
call it "humiliating" and "nerve-wracking" and leave it at that,
deal?
Had you ever considered the concept of "settling" from the other
side's perspective before now?
We wouldn't want to be "settled for", but we still tend to only
think about the idea from our own perspective...and that's the ONLY
REASON why we'd even CONSIDER selling ourselves short and/or giving
in to pressure to settle.
The bottom line? When you SETTLE, you not only cheat YOURSELF--you
cheat THE WOMAN YOU'RE WITH.
The even more profound truth is this. (Are you sitting down?) YOU
CHEAT THE WOMAN OUT THERE YOU REALLY DESERVED.
She didn't get to be with the man SHE would have had a truly
fulfilling relationship with (i.e. YOU).
And why not? Because you LED in another, less fulfilling direction.
Maybe your head wasn't together enough to recognize the high-level
of quality you truly deserved--if only you would have made even SOME
effort to become the "Big Four" man such a high-quality woman craves.
Or maybe you PANICKED. You had a woman in your life who actually
liked you back, so you decided to hold on to her rather than risk
being lonely.
But in your selfishness, you rob not only YOURSELF of a future
relationship with someone who you'll truly appreciate, you rob HER
of the opportunity to meet someone who will appreciate HER more.
After all, your "100 out of 100" woman may not be the same as
someone else's anyway.
And if that's not the "clincher", then I don't know what is.
So be UNAFRAID of becoming the very best version of the "Big Four"
man you can be. Don't let anyone tell you you're being too picky.
When it comes to being philanthropic and giving to charity,
long-term relationships are NOT the place for that.
Work in a soup kitchen or volunteer to help the less fortunate in
some other way. And team up with the greatest woman you've ever
met with you when you do.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger putting the
finishing touches on The Master Plan. Plan on groundbreaking
material on how EXACTLY to become the "Big Four" man I always talk
about...all in a package that packs MASSIVE VALUE in every way you've
come to expect from us here at X & Y Communications, and THEN SOME.
P.P.S. YES...I've extended the 35% off special on The Leading Man
for a couple more days. This is NOT GOING TO LAST, and the coupon
will be ALREADY EMBEDDED when you order. Read more here.
http://www.the-leading-man.com/subscribers
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