[X&Y] How To Decode Angry Messages From Women
Published: Mon, 03/30/09
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IN THIS EDITION: If you plan on going from good to great with
women, you'd better have thick skin. Here's why...
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DECODING ANGRY MESSAGES FROM WOMEN
This morning I received an e-mail from one of the guys who is going
through what has been a truly productive Ten-Plus program.
That message started such an interesting discussion that I had to
share the details with you.
Basically, my friend Jeff has been discovering more and more of his
own natural attractiveness to women and in turn becoming WAY bolder
in his interactions with them.
This is a great thing, of course.
I've lost count of how many guys I've talked to for whom THE major
issue is simply RECOGNIZING and BELIEVING that more women are
already attracted to them than they think. They just need to be
confident of that, and LEAD.
You know, as in "Relax and have fun...the girls love you."
Well, in Jeff's case he has already gotten to the where he is
approaching women and confidently starting conversations. And he's
MUCH better at figuring out when they're attracted.
The next step, logically, is now cutting out any semblance of
"settling" and only filling his dating life with the women he
REALLY feels strong attraction toward.
Invariably, this means giving certain women the "just be friends
talk" or, as was the case this past weekend for Jeff, telling a
woman things just aren't going to work out--friend or otherwise.
Unfortunately, Jeff did make a rather crucial error in judgment.
He updated his status on Facebook with "Just broke things off with
her...looking forward to what's next."
Suffice it to say one must NEVER, EVER hang one's dirty laundry out
on Facebook or Twitter. You've got to remember that literally
EVERYONE can (and will) see what you've written.
Seriously, if you've ever wondered if anyone really reads your
social media missives, all it takes is posting the WRONG one to
give you a lightning-fast reality check.
So, guess what? One of Jeff's female friends from back in high
school took the liberty of writing him and letting him know what
she thought of his "update".
Taking a good four or five solid paragraphs to make her case, said
former female classmate proceeded to tell Jeff about how
"insensitive" he has always been, leading women on only to leave
them hanging.
She told him he was basically self-absorbed and narcissistic,
unable to tell when a decent woman was in front of him.
And, of course, she was sure to throw in the inevitable zinger
about how Jeff was clearly still too "picky", and how being "such a
perfectionist" was all but certain to guarantee that he'd probably
die alone someday.
Pretty heavy stuff for someone who hasn't been heard from for a
decade, right?
Well, in Jeff's email to me he reprinted the Facebook message from
his high school friend and told me he was "pretty devastated" about
it.
From his perspective, the message represented how he "still had a
lot to learn" about relating to women, managing relationships,
and--yes--even being a decent guy.
But all I saw was PROGRESS. I saw the difference between a guy who
was BLIND to the attraction he had sparked in girls back in high
school and the "new look" Jeff who was now in control of his dating
life.
The key here is that when YOU are calling the shots, there are
going to be women who AREN'T HAPPY with your decisions.
Recognize that this is a CLEAR SIGN that YOU are a CHOOSER instead
of a CHASER.
Perhaps ironically, if you chronically "fail to deploy" and never
ask any women out, you're STILL a CHOOSER. "No decision" is still
a decision. It's certainly NOT chasing.
That was the "choice" Jeff had made throughout high school.
But on the other end of the spectrum, with all the variations of
"chasing" women by seeking their approval, putting them on a
pedestal, etc. in between, is the guy who BOLDLY ENGAGES women and
STILL calls the shots.
Amazingly, whichever of the two styles of "choosing" you're
currently engaging in, you're DISAPPOINTING women. One way or the
other.
ANY TIME there's a particular woman who wants a romantic
relationship with you and DOESN'T GET IT, there's disappointment.
The fact that some women may be disappointed sucks, but that's just
the way the ball bounces when you finally stop being the one who
women "dump" and start CHOOSING.
Think of it this way, if you've ever seen the (hilarious) movie
Fear Of The Black Hat, you're probably familiar with this line:
"The difference between a [be-otch] and a ho, is that the [be-otch
sleeps with] everyone BUT you.
Hello...everyone is human here.
And just like YOUR attraction can quickly turn negative when YOU
feel rejected, women are no different.
Isn't amazing how STRONG positive emotion can be flipped over
suddenly with equally NEGATIVE strength?
Well, when you are making the decisions about who stays and who
goes in your dating life, the truth is you've just got to be ready
for that. You've still got to make the HARD CHOICES.
You'll want to be as respectful as you are direct when calling
things off with a woman (e.g. "I don't think we're a match, and
there's another guy out there who will appreciate you more than I
ever could.), but you've still got to endure that unpleasant moment
for the overall good.
Otherwise, well...you "settle". And we talked about that last time.
===ANGRY MESSAGES TO I/Js===
Here's a caveat though. Not ALL angry messages from women are
rooted in DISAPPOINTMENT, per se.
If you lie, cheat or play games with women in a manner that
disrespects them, you may encounter flat-out anger and resentment.
If, in fact, THAT'S the kind of angry emails and phone calls you
are getting then you've got to check yourself.
After all, we don't need any more guys on this planet LEADING in a
manner that causes more and more perfectly decent women to become
jaded and bitter towards men, do we?
The first of two simple metrics I would use to measure whether a
guy has been an I/J (idiot/jerk) to women as opposed to
disappointing her is this: Is the message written TO you or AT you?
A woman who is DISAPPOINTED because she wishes things would have
turned out better will be angry because you didn't choose her.
So generally, she'll rant about your poor decision making skills,
"cluelessness" about "knowing a great woman when you see her",
chide you for "wasting her time", and likely take a decidedly
sarcastic tone in "wishing you luck at finding someone better".
Contrast that with a woman who sends you an itemized list of every
reason why you're the nastiest, slimiest, most evil sleazeball west
of the Pecos.
The personal attacks on your character are a sign you may have
pegged the rev limiter on the jerk-o-meter. Ouch.
Ultimately, though, women who really think your flat-out evil are
equally likely to just slam the door (or the phone) and never
friggin' talk to you again. So you've got to have a read on a
particular woman's personality type here.
Since we're all individuals, you my occasionally encounter a
disgruntled woman who calls you names and stuff even when she's
VERY disappointed you no longer have romantic intentions.
Remember this saying from 17th century poet William Congreve:
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury
like a woman scorned."
Yeah, well, look up "scorned" and get the nuances of the word and
you'll suddenly realize just how profound a thought that was. Bill
clearly had some experience with women.
So the second yardstick by which I would measure where a woman's
sourcing her anger from would be this: The more she writes, the
more she cares.
The longer the rant, the more emotion she had invested...and perhaps
the more she wishes things had worked out more favorably.
Take those two ideas and consider them as you hold an angry message
from a woman up to the light.
In Jeff's example, you can see there was one clearly disappointed
girl back in high school. But fortunately for him, his days of
"failing to deploy" are behind him.
Like Jeff, you may feel you're ready to go from "failing to deploy"
to MASSIVE success with women.
Believe me, it feels AMAZING to bypass some of that "middle ground"
and get on the fast track.
Indeed, relatively few will be able to leverage Ten-Plus.
That's one of the biggest reasons why I have created Virtuosity,
and why I'm hard at work on The Master Plan even as we speak.
Every guy out there who has the courage to take the bull by the
horns and dedicate himself to GREATNESS with women deserves an
affordable shot at doing so.
So with that in mind, I've brought back the wildly popular
Virtuosity promo from several weeks ago.
Right now, I'll give you Virtuosity for HALF-PRICE:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity
Virtuosity gives you the chance to learn all the foundational
basics of going from GOOD to GREAT with women...not just from me but
also from over FOUR DOZEN world-class teachers.
This is literally a chance to learn from almost EVERY "white hat"
teacher in the world of dating science.
Plus, you get ALL of Online Dating Domination.
AND...you get a 1-on-1 session DIRECTLY with me to iron out any
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is with ME PERSONALLY.
Here's the link again. There's NO coupon code to enter. And I've
now figured out how to get that HALF-PRICE discount reflected on
the first page when you order:
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Guys who ACT FAST are always the MOST SERIOUS. So I'm going to
leave the door open on this only until MIDNIGHT PACIFIC TIME on
3/31.
That gives you between now and TOMORROW NIGHT to pull the trigger
on the decision to FINALLY take a crucial step toward kissing
mediocrity with women goodbye forever.
Spring has sprung, gentlemen...and women EVERYWHERE are literally
CRAVING the opportunity to meet a great guy like you. DON'T LET
THEM DOWN.
Have a great week, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. YES...The Master Plan is going to be VERY MUCH like the
"graduate course". I assure you that you will be BLOWN
AWAY...there's nothing out there that will give you the level of
depth that The Master Plan will. I am creating this monumental
program to position you for greatness as a man.
You may have noticed that I have moved the worldwide launch date
out to May 8th. That's because I've made a VERY BIG decision
regarding The Master Plan that will rightly involve me taking some
more time to roll it out.
Stay tuned, because it's YOU who will benefit as a subscriber to
this newsletter.
P.P.S. Even with the new program coming, I've STILL got a killer
new episode of The Chick Whisperer coming. You'll love the guest
AND the topic. Get subscribed here so you won't miss out:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
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