[X&Y] Are You Too "Safe"?
Published: Fri, 05/22/09
=====
IN THIS EDITION: One of the "Big Four" is the ability to inspire
confidence in a woman. And it's true that causing a woman to feel
comfortable and secure in your presence is crucial to success with
women. But can you be TOO "safe"?
=====
DARE TO TAKE "THE RED PILL"
You guys know Decker and Bryan over at the Authentic Man Program.
We collaborate frequently, and without a doubt, there's a lot of
synergy between what AMP is up to and what we talk about here at X
& Y Communications.
So when AMP's "Colorado Division" announces a full weekend of
amazing transformation they've called the "Red Pill Weekend", I'm
going to make sure you know about it:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/redpill
The next event is just EIGHT DAYS AWAY, and the price is right for
an event like this. This is about the best excuse I can think of
to spend the weekend in Colorado this time of year, no doubt. So
definitely take a look.
=====
ARE YOU TOO "SAFE"?
One of the "Big Four" factors that really matter to high quality
women is what I refer to as "the ability to inspire confidence".
Essentially, this means that assuming you can create attraction
with a masculine, confident presence the next step is to make a
woman feel safe and secure in your presence.
When a woman who is already attracted to you begins to trust you,
then you can begin to establish an ongoing relationship on solid
ground.
Conversely, if she senses she's potentially in any kind of physical
danger when you're around, gets a negative vibe from you or is
"creeped out" in any way you'll get NOWHERE with her.
And that's a fact.
So yes, you've got to give a woman a sense of SECURITY in your
presence. She has to know that you represent protection and
goodwill rather than the opposite.
But there's a plot complication.
Providing security to a woman (or inspiring confidence, if you
will) is VERY DIFFERENT than being "safe".
Understanding this is an extraordinarily important component to your
overall success with women, yet I can't recall ever seeing the topic
discussed elsewhere.
Here's what I mean.
A woman doesn't want to feel as if she is physically endangered at
any time, but she DOES craves a man who can bring a sense of
adventure and excitement to her life. Without the latter, she's
bored to tears.
Similarly, she doesn't want to be "controlled" in a manipulative
manner, but she DOES want a man who is an assertive leader. And
without the latter, she'll lose respect for you.
You've got to know how to differentiate all of this, which isn't
always as obvious as it may sound.
As guys, we tend to fall to one or the other extreme insofar as how
we represent ourselves to women.
On one end of the spectrum, we may fail to recognize that women are
generally compelled to consider their personal safety when on a
date with a man, whereas we seldom are concerned with such.
It's not that we're violent "bad guys", it's simply a matter of
fact that most men can overpower most women. Women are naturally
very aware of this.
So the more we can do to take that preoccupation off the table for
them, the better. But some guys just can't connect the dots, and
blindly wonder why women keep pulling a disappearing act on them
sooner than later.
In some cases, it's simply because we didn't make her feel secure
in our presence.
For example, it's a good idea not to crowd a woman's space when you
first meet her. Avoid jokes about killing people. Don't make hand
gestures with your hands full while cleaning loaded firearms at the
dining room table. Stuff like that.
Fair enough.
But most guys, I'd contend, are actually on the OPPOSITE side of
the spectrum.
WE'RE TOO "SAFE".
We avoid disagreeing with her opinions. We dare not even try to
hold her hand even when she's laughing, tapping us on the shoulder
and staring at our lips in anticipation.
And, ironically, it's precisely because we're hypersensitive to
"scaring women" that we end up this way. We don't want to "impose
on them", and we chalk up our Failure To Deploy as "being a
gentlemen".
Meanwhile, there's a woman somewhere who wanted to be kissed and
went home feeling frustrated or even rejected.
Worse, because we rarely leave the basement ourselves once we come
home from our jobs at Cubicle City, the most "adventurous" activity
we can come up with when we're with her is the same trip to Chili's
followed by crashing on the couch watching re-runs...again.
Taking the "safe" option because it worked last time is not adding
value to a woman's self-perceived boring life, is it?
And it doesn't stop there. Recently I was on a coaching call when
a bolt of lightning struck me (at least figuratively, for now).
It occurred to me that many of us as guys are even BLOWING OUR
CHANCES with women who genuinely, seriously LIKE US at PRECISELY
the moment we ask them to become our girlfriends...all because we
want to seem "safe".
For example, consider yourself dating a sharp, successful woman for
a moment (hopefully this isn't much of a stretch for you by now).
She spends most of her life sorting out men who can't stand up to
her. You know, men who are too timid to offer any real leadership
to her.
In fact, most men she's dated have automatically assumed SHE wanted
to "wear the pants" in the relationship.
But along you come, and you're different. You show signs of being
a true "Big Four" man.
As a result, she becomes HOPEFUL that your masculine confidence and
your ability to inspire HER confidence will hold together over
time. In other words, she's looking for you to show CHARACTER.
She hints that she really enjoys spending time with you.
But when the day comes you decide to make her your girlfriend you
say something like this: "Uh...if it's okay with you, would you
maybe possibly like to be my girlfriend? I think a relationship is
worth a TRY."
And to your dismay, she's ambiguous (at best) with her answer
rather than enthusiastically positive.
What happened there?
In the example I gave, three things went wrong.
First of all, by ASKING her for an exclusive relationship, the
leadership position is thrust upon her. She wanted you as a MAN to
take the lead.
Second, by using the word "try" an attitude of expected failure is
conveyed. Think about it. If you invite someone to a party, and
they tell you they'll "try to make it", what are the chances
they'll actually show up?
Third, and most importantly, by using syntax like "if it's okay
with you", "maybe" and "possibly" the woman sees only a man who is
attempting to insulate himself from potential rejection.
And if a man is doubtful of his own worthiness, then she's likely to
follow that lead.
And by the way, a woman may not even know WHY she's reticent to
become a guy's girlfriend under such circumstances. She'll simply
be disappointed, confused, and somehow INSECURE about the
relationship.
Crazily, it's because we're TOO SAFE that we cause INSECURITY in a
woman in situations like this. How's that for irony?
Want a more favorable response from a high quality woman you'd like
to be in an exclusive relationship with? Assuming she is at least
hinting she wants the same, try this:
"Both of us have busy social lives, I realize. But we're clearly
enjoying each other's company more and more as we get to know each
other better. I've decided that I really don't want or need to
fill my schedule with other women besides you. From now on I think
you should hang out with me. Please know I don't take such things
lightly, and my intention is to protect your heart."
That last paragraph is loaded down with graduate-level chick
whispering.
First of all, there is no ambiguity. You are a man who knows what
he wants. Yet, you are neither begging, pleading nor expecting
failure. Rather, you are expecting positive reciprocation, short
of running an "assumptive close" on her.
And most importantly, you inspire confidence and demonstrate a
desire to offer her security--even as you somehow convey that life
is about to become a shared adventure between you. Not bad, right?
Remember, the example I've given is meant to be purely
demonstrative. Please choose your own words when the time comes.
You get my drift.
Incidentally, in case you're wondering, YES...what we're talking
about here applies EQUALLY when meeting a woman for the first time.
You may hear about the idea of "building compliance" in the
Seduction Community. I would contend that "compliance" is NOT what
you want from a woman.
Seriously, how secure is she going to feel if she's merely GIVING
IN to you? And how fulfilling is that going to be for either of
you?
Similarly, there's a lot of talk about "establishing rapport".
Sure, it's nice to find common ground with a woman. That's a great
foundation for a good SAFE friendship.
But the higher standard here is to inspire a woman to WANT your
leadership.
If you can make her feel secure in her presence while being
assertive in a way that shows you have her best interests at heart,
a woman will do ANYTHING for you.
Read that last line again.
Remember, you can be her protector or you can be "harmless". The
former ignites femininity, the latter lands in a place WORSE than
the dreaded "Just Be Friends" Zone. The choice is yours.
When you get right down to it, what we're talking about here is the
ability to take the "Big Four" and PRACTICALLY APPLY them at the
highest level.
If you can do that, you become a man who wields immense POWER and
INFLUENCE. Neither "coercion" nor "passivity" holds any place in
the realm of power and influence, does it?
A powerful, influential man is not a "controlling jerk", but he's
not "Mr. Safe" either.
"Power", of course, is a measure of your personal effectiveness.
"Influence" implies the ability to inspire others to follow your
lead.
With that in mind, I have an exciting announcement for you. Right
now I am hard at work on what will be a BRAND NEW addition to The
Master Plan that will cover EXACTLY what we're talking about here:
POWER and INFLUENCE.
That's the ultimate representation of the "Big Four", so expanding
The Master Plan with a full-length audio program covering the
subject in detail is the right thing to do.
I have a special guest joining me for the discussion, and if you
already have access to the Member's Area then you can look forward
to this program very soon.
And if you DON'T have The Master Plan yet?
Well, if that's the case I've got good news. The SEVEN DAY / SEVEN
DOLLAR trial is still going on, at least for now. This puts ALL
THE RISK on me:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/masterplan/subscribers
All I ask in return is that you give The Master Plan an honest
look. Participate in the trial only if you fully expect the program
to meet your high expectations, and not if you've already decided
to download and cancel before you even order. Your credit card
will only be billed the rest after a full week trial period.
Oh, and by the way I've also added YET ANOTHER bonus to the already
considerable stash on hand. This time, courtesy of my friend Brad
Howard from The Adonis Effect. You can read more about that also
right here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/masterplan/subscribers
Remember, the 7 Day / 7 Dollar trial is going away VERY SOON. And
as more and more powerful content is added to The Master Plan
there's a very real possibility that I'll be raising the price.
So there's never going to be a better time to claim your copy than
right now. Get on the fast-track to becoming the ultimate version
of your most authentic self today.
Have a great weekend, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. By popular demand from fellow iPhone users, I have now moved
ALL THE VIDEOS for The Master Plan from Viddler to YouTube. Every
one of them--including the interviews with Kya and Pam--should be
iPhone friendly going forward. Enjoy.
=====
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Find me on Twitter.com @scotmckay and
jump into the conversation with an @message.
If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter
to others. Help a brother out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "How
To Deal With Breakups" for free. Or, just send a blank email to
"xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
Discussion Forum:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum)
Follow Us On Twitter:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/twitter
(http://www.twitter.com/scotmckay/)
Friend Us On Facebook
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/facebook
(http://profile.to/scot-mckay/)
Friend Us On MySpace
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/myspace
(http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y)
Pin Yourself On Frappr (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
www.frappr.com/xandy
(http://www.frappr.com/xandy)
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2009. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at:
Date:
IP: