[X&Y] Why Single Women Go After Married Guys
Published: Tue, 08/04/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Why do single women go after married guys? Here
are five possibilities as to what just might be going through their
heads...
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And now, what IS up with single women who go after married guys?...
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FIVE REASONS WHY SINGLE WOMEN GO AFTER MARRIED GUYS
If you live in North America, you're likely familiar with the
tragic story of former NFL quarterback Steve McNair.
Long respected as both an athlete and a contributor to his
community, he was found shot to death in an apartment about a month
ago now.
While the news shocked everyone who knew him, even more shocking
were the circumstances as they unfolded.
As it turns out, McNair, who was apparently to all a happily
married family man, had been gunned down by another woman who he
had been seeing on the side.
That unfortunate event has put the idea of cheating and what goes
on in the mind of "the other woman" at the forefront of many
people's imagination.
But it was a recent e-mail from one of you that ultimately inspired
this edition of the newsletter.
I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that the letter
spoke of mutual attraction between the unmarried man who wrote me
and the unmarried woman of his desire...and the unmarried woman's
inexplicable decision to be with a married guy instead.
Obviously, if you can relate to that story in any way, shape or
form then you have probably beaten your head up against the wall in
frustration...to say the least.
But the thing is that this sort of thing goes on ALL THE TIME. So
there must be SOME reason why certain women are attracted to
married men.
Here are five possibilities:
1) THE LIE
We'll start with the most obvious of the five. Sometimes a woman
finds herself in a relationship with a guy who TELLS HER he's
single, when in reality he's married.
Maybe she's oblivious to the minivan he showed up to pick her up
in, the series of dates that happen only at lunchtime and on
Wednesday nights between 7 and 9, and/or the wedding band tan line.
Or maybe she just really, really likes him and is naively hoping
for the best.
Or, um...maybe he simply told her that he's "legally separated".
Yeah, that's it. Which leads us to the next one...
2) THE PROMISE
This one requires little explanation.
Basically, that bad old ex-wife has it coming to her, and the guy
tells the girlfriend that he'll be "all hers" in just a little bit
more time. She just needs to be patient and wait for that day to
come.
Maybe the guy and his wife really are separated and going through
divorce proceedings...or not.
And maybe the guy really will come through someday...or not.
No matter what the case may be, it all falls under this same
classification.
Incidentally, there's speculation that in the case of Steve McNair,
his girlfriend had finally become wise to "The Promise".
3) THE THRILL
I think you can guess where this one is going, too.
Women LOVE romance novels, and one of the recurring themes is
"forbidden fruit". Indeed, it's human nature to want what we
cannot have, so for some women there's a certain thrill (as crazy
as it sounds) associated with engaging in trysts with a married man.
A LOT of women, especially when they are young and immature, tend
to live for the moment without regard for the future. And
indulging in this kind of thrill seeking without regard for
consequences is a prime example of how that can manifest itself.
Could this be a major reason why so many married guys find
themselves with a younger woman on the side?
4) THE POWER TRIP
The first three examples I shared with you of why a woman would get
involved with a married man might go on when she is decidedly NOT
in control of her dating life, right?
Well now we've come to last two reasons why some women get involved
with married men. And in both cases, I believe we're talking about
women who are in TOTAL CONTROL of their dating lives.
One such scenario is that a single woman, unfettered in her own
dating life, simply gets a feeling of power and/or superiority
knowing that she can take a man AT WILL from another woman.
Perhaps it's that she feels sexually and socially powerful being
able to tempt married men into weakness.
Maybe she likes achieving "one-upmanship" over other women in
general.
Or, it could be that she deeply resents or dislikes a certain woman
IN PARTICULAR, and targets that woman's husband.
No matter what the details are, sometimes it's all about the power
trip.
5) THE CONTROL
This one follows right on the heels of the last, but with a subtle
twist.
Beyond the feeling of power a woman gets WITHIN by being with a
married man, there's also the undeniable power a single woman
wields OVER THE MARRIED GUY himself.
Assuming the woman is single, once a married man enters into a
sexual relationship with her she basically OWNS him...in just about
every way possible.
Think about it. She has a VERY BIG secret to keep, doesn't she?
Most married guys who allow themselves to get into such a
compromising position as this probably didn't think things through
too well at the beginning. At least not with the right "head".
After all, he's got to be willing to do just about ANYTHING to make
sure she stays quiet and doesn't make a scene.
And she just might REQUIRE as much...which can become a VERY NICE
little arrangement for her.
In case it's not self-evident, any situation that involves a single
woman and a married man who is in an "open relationship" of some
sort with his wife renders the list above largely irrelevant.
For the purposes here, we're talking about guys who are interested
in their wives NOT FINDING OUT about "the other woman".
But regarding the list itself, it's very true that some of what I
just shared with you isn't gender-specific, is it? We as guys can
find ourselves tempted to get with married women for the exact same
reasons, can't we?
All I can say is DON'T DO IT.
Believe me, if Steve McNair can get capped by his girlfriend, how
much more likely are YOU to get capped by a DELERIOUS HUSBAND?
Have a great week, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. The Chick Whisperer episode with David Shade will get edited
this week. Stay tuned...and be sure you're subscribed on iTunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=218155493
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