[X&Y] How To Make Online Dating WORK [Real Results Inside]
Published: Thu, 08/13/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Continuing the focus on getting REAL RESULTS, we
turn our attention to online dating this time around.
If you are meeting women online or even THINKING about it, don't
miss this newsletter...
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REAL-WORLD ONLINE DATING RESULTS
[NOTE: We're going to mix things up today as far as the usual format
goes, so get ready for something a bit different.]
If you are NOT meeting women online, you SHOULD be.
But even if you're not convinced of that yet, read on anyway because
what you're about to read has TONS of application offline as well.
Here's a complete, end-to-end "case study" of sorts featuring Robert,
who indeed IS online and convinced he needs to get it right.
What you're about to read is an ACTUAL E-MAIL EXCHANGE between
Robert and I.
Follow along as he tells me his goals, offers example drafts of his
profile, gets feedback from me (which, as you'll discover, is VERY
different than what his friends would tell him) and--finally--applies
what is discussed.
I'll go ahead and spill the results ahead of time just so you know
it's worth your while: Robert saw MASSIVE success. In fact, I'm a
bit overwhelmed myself.
Read on...
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ROBERT'S INITIAL MESSAGE TO ME
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Scot - I'm a customer of yours. I basically signed up to have
personal access to your insights.
I am now focusing on my total person and who I deserve. As part of
this, I am widening my search pattern to include online dating.
Again, I am looking for you to coach me on the general approach to
my profile only. Obviously, being 100% abstract isn't going to help
me.
I get the picture that I should be funny, real, interesting, etc.
I actually need that kind of principle analysis "in action", i.e.,
applied to a particular profile.
On the other hand, I don't need any analysis of particular sentences
r even paragraphs (this would be a nightmare for you). You are a
coach, not an editor. I like the analogy that you provide me with the
skeleton (the principles) and I will finish it up.
By way of background...
1) in general: Everything I'm telling you is true - I have 3 Harvard
degrees, was national class in 3 sports, speak 7 languages, etc. As
we all know, being superman does not get you the girl. But there are
no lies in this profile. I've also got cool stories, like, I don't
know, being a prisoner in Serbia.
2) "game": I've learned game (pardon the term) pretty well, both
direct and indirect method. Please just assume I understand what
you're saying, don't bother taking a lot of time telling me why, say,
dq'ing is a good idea. Please save yourself the time; I know your
time is valuable.
3) my history: I actually have dated some great girls, but I have a
feeling that to get the REALLY awesome ones (and maybe now get
married, I'm 37!) it's time to widen my search pattern instead of
just randomly meeting someone and attracting her. So here I am on
match.com as a possible vector.
4) Girl I'm looking for: very young (last GF's were 21, 25, 24) - I
enjoy that dynamic and have no problems attracting younger women, also
she'd be a great dancer (I'm talking potentially broadway quality),
and not too much of a head case. I think I can easily defend those
standards (getting what I deserve).
I do NOT WANT TO MESS UP with the profile because it is a major part
of my first impression on the girl.
Sorry for the long intro.
To conclude:
Please tell me if you like the approach in profile #1, #2, or prefer
a totally different approach (please describe).
If you do not like #1 or #2, please outline the "mistakes" they make
(in principle).
Thanks,
Robert
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ROBERT'S PROFILE NARRATIVE DRAFTS
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DRAFT #1
HEADLINE: I am six feet tall
I am not six feet tall. But I get that is the magic number you ladies
are looking for. After all, online dating isn't like the real world,
it's more like...Disney World. But I know I'm not three inches too
short to ride the roller coaster of love.
After all, great passions know no size. I fought my way to national
class in three sports, which basically means I really, really know
what mud tastes like. I earned three degrees from the World's Greatest
University, but I'm stupid enough to have been held prisoner in Serbia.
I speak a mess of languages, but get tongue-tied around the right girl.
Have you kissed a frog hoping for a prince? Well I've kissed a shark
(hey, sometimes I take what I can get). I don't drop acid, but I'll
drop couloirs. Life expectancy is probably about the same either way.
I'm intense. I take extremely serious naps. I'm old school... Clint
Eastwood, bowties-you-actually-have-to-tie, gyms that don't need
chrome plated weights... but I'll have dessert before dinner. I've
been on the red carpet, but I've also driven a combine and a tractor.
I can't tell which spreads more manure.
I'm fortunate enough to be able to surround myself with very special
people. But if I won't meet you any other way, I dare you to contact
me. It'll be a white-knuckle experience.
DRAFT #2
HEADLINE: A white knuckle experience
I'm sure the gap between fantasy and reality on online personals
couldn't be bigger. It's just that so many describe themselves not as
they are, but as they wish to be. Have I? You decide.
I believe in hard work - I was national class in three totally
distinct sports and while earning three degrees from the World’s
Greatest University.
I believe in giving back - I've worked for the federal government,
advised development agencies, and now serve as a trustee for a
performing arts foundation.
I believe in adventure - I've dropped couloirs, swam with sharks,
was a prisoner in Serbia, and even found buried treasure in Tobago.
I love the lessons learned by living life close to the edge.
I believe in my friends - an injured dancer who I got into an elite
college, a mischief mastermind for whom we tossed a surprise party...
in Iceland, a schoolmate on whose farm I work every year, a diplomat
for whom I taught his "first dance" with his fiancee in London for
his wedding in Norway.
I believe in passion - I've traveled from Germany to Brazil for the
women I've loved. I discovered dance late in life but threw myself
at it and became a competitor and performer. Even though I grew up
poor, I have always been rich in spirit.
I believe in myself - I'm entrusted with the investment of millions
of dollars for institutions, a job that gives me great financial and
professional independence, shows my leadership and acumen, and has
been richly rewarding.
If you're in NYC, that's great - I guess we've never crossed paths,
because I'm comfortable making the first move in any context. And if
you're far away - consider this my approach, because I want the world
to be my oyster. Just realize that though I'm intense, I'm still a
kid at heart. I'm not looking for a trophy girlfriend, but if you
are...please finally prove to me that you're not ALL bat**** crazy!
But you should be someone (and WITH someone) passionate about the
same things you are - for me, that's the performing arts. For my
part, don't worry, I am both meat-market tested AND mother-approved.
Bottom line: I'd much rather be on an emotional journey than lead
an anesthetized existence. For a white-knuckle experience, I dare
you to contact me.
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MY FEEDBACK
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Before you read any of what follows, know above all that your wild
success is my concern. So my job is to tell you what your friends
won't, all in the name of empowering you to go from good to great.
With that out of the way, here goes. Grab a cold one.
If I had to sum everything up in one introductory thought, it would
be this: If you're not seeing the results you want from your online
dating ventures, it's simply because your profiles are written from
a VERY, VERY self-absorbed perspective.
There was a bit of a window into what to expect when you were
assuring me that everything on your stat sheet was for real. And
sure enough, that's what comes through in the examples you gave.
Being cocky/funny or whatever is altogether different than trying to
impress a woman with everything BUT who you really are. Watch that
video with Kya on the deservewhatyouwant.com/masterplan page, if you
haven't already.
Despite what some PUA guys have been alleging, she wasn't coached.
(Yes, we did THREE friggin' takes, but ironically that's because she's
NOT an actress. It took her that long to settle in and relax on
camera.)
The first split test I'd do would be to run a profile narrative that
is completely devoid of any mention of your accomplishments or
material possessions...even subtly.
The third and fourth paragraphs in the first example and the second-
to-last paragraph in the second are rather on the mark (less the
reference to 'manure' or anything else the evokes a negative mental
picture).
But the rest is killing you.
Remember ALWAYS (as in 'without exception) that the "Big Four" traits
attract high quality women. As soon as you open with a lie about
your height in the first, you pretty much break every branch of the
tree on the way down.
There are ZERO good messages there, and every one of the "Big Four"
is violated. I suspect that if you consider the words on the page
again in this light you'll quickly see my point.
In the second example, note that the first seven paragraphs start
with "I". The last is only thinly camouflaged from the same by using
"Bottom Line" as a preface.
In fact here's an exercise: Count how many times "I" appears in your
second example. If you went ahead and did that, my educated guess is
that you quit about midway through having gotten the point. And if
YOU were bored counting how many times you referenced yourself in
your profile, imagine HER.
Probably best to avoid references to being jailed in Serbia also.
Again, it's a "Big Four" thing. That won't inspire her confidence.
Women tend to let red flags like that spiral downward into full on
"dealbreakers" in the blink of an eye.
For the most part, anything at all in one's profile that could cause
a woman to second guess your confidence, masculinity, character or
ability to keep her safe and secure should be left out.
Finally, although it's a minor style point I'd omit any reference to
women contacting you first. The best women want the man to take the
lead, and the psychology of your profile should reflect that you are
such a man.
Better to say something to the effect of, "If you're reading this I've
likely written you first and you were intrigued. So now it's your
turn...if you're up to the challenge of intriguing me."
The challenge and call to action is a good thing. Best of all, it
focuses on HER.
Just some food for thought: Most highly-accomplished men who have no
trouble attracting women go out of their way to underplay their "stat
sheets". This is because they are looking for genuine affection from
a high quality woman. Think along the lines of the plot of the old
Eddie Murphy flick "Coming To America" and you're not that far off
...seriously.
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RESULTS!
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Scot, feel free to put this blurb endorsement in your newsletter.
I am getting FLOODED with match.com girls. Like 1 every 30 minutes.
I am not kidding. Including overnight.
I also want to say that you were so gentle in your criticism...at
first I thought "come on, does he think I can't take it? I was
national class in three sports. Of course plenty of people have
yelled at me." Then I realized, "Oh, it's actually just a TALENT
Scot has - to deliver the message effectively and adroitly." Kudos
again.
And here is my testimonial, officially:
"Scot -
I'm a high-value guy, and was disappointed that my 'online' results
weren't matching up to my real-world expectation. Your coaching not
only caused my inbox to flood overnight with "winks" and emails,
but you also made me rethink myself - where my inner confidence and
sense of self-worth really ought to come from. That was the bigger
lesson."
--Robert in NYC
And - don't worry about commenting on this - if you're interested,
this is the profile after your comments. What's funny is I considered
this just a "first cut" - I plan on applying your advice again and
again to the profile until the rough edges come off, the language
flows better, and my real self comes through.
The issue is - the rough cut is already too much...
LIVE PROFILE
HEADLINE: A White Knuckle Experience
If you're reading this, I've likely written you first, because I'm
comfortable making the first move in any context. So if you're in NYC,
we've obviously never crossed paths. And if you're from a land far,
far away - consider this my approach - and don't worry that my reach
will exceed my grasp.
I'm old school. You know: Clint Eastwood, bowties-you-have-to-tie-
yourself, gyms without chrome weights, hold-the-door-open kind of old
school... But I'll have dessert before dinner. Throw a wild party.
Burn the haystack to find the needle.
I love my job, where I can create, and wonder, and grow every day.
Otherwise I'd sell lemonade on the beach in Greece. Or start a circus.
I'd just need someone to sell popcorn.
Let me tell you for a fact it's not true that men can't be both meat-
market tested AND mother-approved. I've been on the red carpet. And
on a tractor. But not at the same time.
I'm fortunate enough to be able to surround myself with very special
people, people who are my inspiration. Nobody has to drag me to an
arts performance - I'm right there, mezz center, standing O.
Look, I'm intense. I take extremely serious naps.
In the end, I'm not looking for a trophy girlfriend, but if you are
...please finally prove to me that you're not ALL crazy!
New York has had such terrible weather this summer, don't you wish
you were caught in the rain with someone you really wanted to be with?
Intrigued? Up to the challenge? Then I dare you to contact me.
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CONCLUSION
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As he acknowledged himself, with a few more tweaks in line with my
recommendations, Robert will probably see EVEN MORE success.
But take careful note that the LESS he spoke about he accomplishments,
money, and so forth the MORE POWERFULLY women responded.
Try this. Go through Robert's latest draft and take note of every
feature in it that conveys a "Big Four" trait. You may also take a
shot at identifying what you think may still need to be tweaked in
order to increase results.
The point is this, however: YOU can get the job done like Robert
did. You may not live in New York City and see *such* a dramatic
deluge of messages in your inbox, but I can guarantee this:
***You CAN make simple adjustments to your online style and start
meeting EXACTLY the kind of women you WANT to be meeting...and WAY,
WAY more often.***
No more sending the same message to 100 women hoping for someone
(i.e. *anyone*) to e-mail you back. After all, HOPE is NOT a
strategy.
So the challenge is before you: Keep doing what you've always done
and keep getting what you've always gotten. OR, you can arm yourself
with an UNFAIR ADVANTAGE compared to the other guys out there who will
continue to plod away unsuccessfully without ever stopping to ask for
directions.
If you want to get that done while there's still some summer left to
enjoy, put me to work for you in one of two ways:
1) Reserve your direct 1-on-1 Online Dating Success package with me
at DateToOrder.com:
http://www.datetoorder.com/
Or...
2) Simply dive into the most comprehensive plan for BYPASSING the
"numbers game" online and meeting your TOP CHOICES online.
That's Online Dating Domination, of course:
http://www.onlinedatingdomination.com/
Use "xy35off" as your "Optional Info" coupon code when ordering
Online Dating Domination and enjoy a full 35% off when you order
before Friday at midnight Texas time (GMT -5).
I'll talk to you again soon. Next time, look for some practical
steps to arranging that all important first meeting with a woman,
regardless of where you met her--online or offline.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you missed the last newsletter, Episode #32 of The Chick
Whisperer is NOW AVAILABLE. Getchasum on iTunes.
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