[X&Y] Transitioning To Sex: Three Things You MUST Know
Published: Thu, 08/27/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Emily and I are away on vacation, and I've invited
Alex Allman to "sit in", as he's always a "crowd favorite" around here.
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X & Y COMMUNICATIONS ASIA TOUR 2009?
As you read this, Emily and I are in Beijing, China on the first leg
of what we're calling the "X & Y Communications Asia Tour 2009".
I like calling it that because it makes the trip sound like a rock
star gig or something. But really we're just shooting some video
for a future project and enjoying a little "R & R" in a few exotic
lands while we're at it.
Anyway, I've revived an old tradition around here and invited one of
my friends to be the "guest writer" for this newsletter while we're
out.
This time, it's none other than Alex Allman.
Y'all always seem to dig what Alex writes, and as you'll soon find
out he's been cool enough to provide what I think is a logical follow
up to those newsletters a couple of weeks ago on getting first dates
AND second dates.
That's right. Alex is about to show you how to move a relationship
with a woman to a sexual level. I think you'll like this regardless
of what your outlook on sex is (even if you're saving yourself for
marriage). Enjoy...
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TRANSITIONING TO SEX: 3 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW
I want to share with you some important things
that can eliminate your need for dating advice...
because you will be too busy having sex with your
girlfriend to bother with dating anymore.
I have a selfish motivation for this: When Scot
asked me to be a "guest writer" for his newsletter,
my first thought was, "I'm not a dating expert...
I'm a sex expert." All of my stuff is for men
who already have a woman in their life.
Then I realized...
After you learn all the dating stuff from Scot,
and you get yourself a "consenting partner" (also
known as a "great girlfriend" or "amazing wife"),
that's when you become MY customer!
So this newsletter is NOT about how to approach
women in bars or coffee shops. (I used to enjoy
that flirtatious part of human courtship when I
was single... but I'm certainly no expert!)
I'm also not going to talk about how to get her
phone number, or how to get a date...
I just want to talk about how to go from, "hey,
she's pretty cool and we like each other" to
the bedroom.
And this is IMPORTANT... because, you see, the
difference between "friend" and "girlfriend" is
sexual attraction. And if you can't ultimately
deliver on what comes with that package, then you
will always be getting stuck at some point.
In other words - Learn how to turn things
physical, or when you do meet the perfect girl,
you might end up being her nice friend who she
confides in about the sex she's having with her
boyfriend.
I have a fantastic case study on this subject
that is part of a Special Report I did for my
own members that I think is a "must read". You
can download a copy of it here (just because I'm
trying to impress you as a guest writer):
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/alexdownload
I've been writing sex advice for quite a few
years and I have had some very frank conversations
with hundreds of women, and I'm going to share
with you some things that are not "my opinion",
but just plain, simple TRUTH about women and
sex.
Here are 3 things you MUST know so that you
can turn all of those "let's meet for coffee"
situations into "what you would like for breakfast?"
1) Stop Being A Gentleperson, And Be A GentleMAN
Women are attracted to men.
I know that sounds so simple and obvious, but you
wouldn't be able to tell by the way that most men
act on dates.
Most men these days seem to fall into 2 weird
categories...
Either they try to do something to "trick her
into bed," as if she'd NEVER want to do it of
her own accord, so they must design some elaborate
strategy...
Or they act like they don't WANT to go to bed
on the first date (because that wouldn't be
polite or something).
Ugh.
The first guy is sleazy and the second guy is
a wuss. Sucks to be a girl these days.
In our culture, like it or not, we play this
little game where the man tries to get the girl
into bed and the girl tries to slow him down.
Every girl you will likely date has watched a
thousand romantic movies where this game is
played, and it is what she expects.
If you are not trying to get the girl in bed, you
are simply playing wrong.
And she is going to assume that either you are
pretending not to want it in some weird attempt
to play hard-to-get and have some ulterior motive
behind your act...
Or you are just not man enough to express your
true desires.
Needless to say, if you are a woman on a date,
this is some very disappointing stuff.
PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying that every woman
wants sex on the first date.
I'm just saying that she wants you to GO for it.
That's part of the fun for her. That's what gives
her those delicious butterflies in her stomach so
that she thinks about you all night long after the
goodnight kiss.
I also didn't say that you should be pushy. Watch
any romantic movie and you'll see the short-cut
easy move: Invade personal space, give her soft kiss,
look at her with a smile that says you want to tear
her clothing off and say, "aren't you going to
invite me in?"
Done right, you may very well end up invited in...
if not... she'll be counting the minutes until
your next date.
Why?
Because you are not her friend. You are not her
buddy, or her colleague, or even her "date that she
met online" anymore... You are her potential next
sex partner. And THAT is exciting.
2) Show Confidence Around Sexuality
This is the flip side of the same emotional
equation.
If you secretly believe that she probably wouldn't
WANT to be in bed with you, then your efforts to
get physical are probably going to fail (unless
she is really, really horny or you are really,
really handsome).
Why is it common that you secretly believe that
she didn't want to get between the sheets with
you?
Well... it turns out that we are ALL wired with a
self-critical voice. We all have secret fears and
we all experience self-esteem issues in one area
or another of our lives.
For many men, these issues camp out in their
relationships with women.
It's hard for many men to wrap their brain around
the idea that she wants to get jiggy with you just
as much as you want her.
"Impossible!" you say. "There's no way that angelic
creature could have the kind of tidal wave of lust
building in her that I have inside of me..."
Soooo very wrong my friend.
Again, I strongly recommend you check out the
case study in that download.
Yep, this one:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/alexdownload
It's a great example of how men sabotage themselves
in romantic relationships.
It's a hard thing for a woman to overlook when you
are squeamish or timid about asking her to get
naked.
The download will help you get past some of that
nonsense.
When you have self-esteem around your abilities
in the bedroom, you'll be amazed at how comfortable
and easy it can be to initiate sex-play with the
vast majority of women.
3) Get Her In The MOOD
Men get this one wrong all the time because we're
just wired differently from women.
For us, the trick is to get us "aroused". It's a
physical thing. If she does something that gets
us physically aroused, that gets us hard, then
we are good to go.
So when we hear that we have to get a woman "in
the mood," what we hear is: "get her aroused."
In case the light-bulb didn't go off yet, "aroused"
is physical and "mood" is emotional.
Look, there is not a thing wrong with getting her
aroused. Aroused is good. But women train long
and hard from childhood to resist those feelings
and be a "good girl"... at least for the first
3-6 dates...
But focusing on getting her physically aroused
does not give her what she needs to give in to
her desires.
On the other hand, if you can give her the emotional
state she needs for sex, then the physical part
is usually pretty easy.
For most women that mood = feeling like SHE is a
sexual creature and feeling good about it.
I could talk for a long time about how to give
another person good emotions. It's an important
social skill that extends beyond romantic
relationships. But for now, let me give you one
gigantic tip that short-cuts the whole thing:
Her emotions are going to be powerfully influenced
by YOUR emotions. What she feels you feeling
effects her more than almost anything else you
do.
This gets circular with the 2 tips above. If you
are feeling shy, timid, anxiety-ridden about what
is going to happen next... you can forget her
mood.
But if you are feeling excited, eager for what
comes next, happy to be with her, sexually keyed
up, and passionate... it will give her permission
to feel like a feminine, sexual creature.
The effect on her emotional state will be
incredibly powerful.
Passion is, as I have often said, the emotional
indicator of confidence.
And if you line up 50 women and give them a
multiple choice on the sexiest quality a man can
have... and include everything from a huge tool, to
a great smile, to muscles, to a fat wallet... if
you include the word "confident", women will
choose that guy every time when it comes time to
choosing a romantic partner.
Displaying passion is the guaranteed way to stay
out of the "friend zone" and get deeply into the
parts of her body that you are wanting to explore.
*Bonus Tip* 4) Know What You're Doing
Obviously one thing that women find extremely
attractive is a man that actually knows what
he's doing in bed.
Whether it's her first time or she's very experienced
herself, a woman admires and respects a man who
can lead her into powerful pleasure with a confident
hand.
So, yes, I admit that I included "bonus tip 4" as
a rather self-serving way to mention to you:
I've got a kick-ass free newsletter with advanced
tips and techniques that I think you will probably
enjoy.
If you're interested, you can find out more about
it here:
http://www.revolutionarysex.com/cmd.php?af=685358
Either way, thanks for reading and for allowing
me to share some ideas as Scot's guest writer.
Enjoy everything,
Alex Allman
P.S. For quick reference, once again that give-away
downloadis here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/alexdownload
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