[X&Y] Why The "Paint By Numbers" Approach Doesn't Cut It
Published: Sat, 09/19/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Is the "paint by numbers" approach enough to get
you somewhere with women? Possibly, at least in the short term.
But just don't be THIS guy...
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FINALLY: THE NEW BOOK CHICK WHISPERING IS ALMOST READY TO GO
Let's face it, the most burning question most guys have, "What in
the world is going on inside women's heads?"
Yet, the default answer that has probably been handed down to you
your entire life is that women are IMPOSSIBLE to figure out.
It seems as if this casual presumption goes virtually unchallenged
by the vast majority of guys, doesn't it?
Well, if you've been getting this newsletter for a while, you
already know that we're all about challenging that presumption on a
regular basis.
And frankly, there's PLENTY about women that we as guys CAN
understand...if only we see the reality of that truth rather than
clinging to those useless old "limiting beliefs" about
understanding women.
Granted, you can't exactly experience a woman's reality
first-person (I hope), but you CAN gain a very powerful advantage
over any and every guy out there who throws up his hands and gives
up on figuring women out before even trying.
That's why I've written the book Chick Whispering.
Inspired by The Chick Whisperer podcast, the book has actually been
completed for a while now. But by the end of this month, you'll
FINALLY be able to snap up your copy of it.
Don't expect a "step by step how-to guide" here, though.
Why? Well, perhaps ironically, that's not how women work. So trying
to figure them out that way won't work either.
Instead, plan on over 200 pages worth of situations, examples and
raw insight that will collectively transform your mind.
My guarantee is that you will walk away with a finely tuned and
highly intuitive skillset for recognizing how a woman's mind works
and interacting successfully with her at a whole new level.
Obviously, the effect this can have on your level of success with
the high quality women you want most needs little explanation.
It's really as simple as this: Know what a woman wants, know what
she'll naturally respond POWERFULLY to, and separate yourself from
99.99% of the other guys out there.
So by now you know how immensely valuable this book is going to be
to you.
And like I said, by the end of this month you'll be able to get
your hands on it (hopefully sooner).
For now, though, here's what you need to know:
1) I'm working on some killer, killer bonuses for you...in line
with our well-earned reputation for stacking everything we do around
here with massive value.
2) Despite that "massive value", I'm going to make sure just
about ANYONE will be able to afford Chick Whispering.
3) This time I'm trying something new. Instead of building one
of those long letters with a big headline at the top, I'm simply
going to shoot a video intro to the book telling you exactly what's
in it and what you can look forward to as bonuses. If you like what
you hear, you can click on one button and claim your copy.
And now, on that very theme of understanding women, let's talk
about what happens when our approach to women is built totally on a
"step-by-step" basis...
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WHY THE "PAINT BY NUMBERS" APPROACH DOESN'T CUT IT
Listen up. I fully understand that we all want quick and dirty
answers in life.
We tend to respond eagerly to marketing messages that tell us how
our pain "isn't our fault" and that the cure is as easy as falling
out of bed in the morning.
We all want the "Easy Button", right?
There's only one problem with all of that.
The proposed solutions rarely work...especially over the long term.
Sure, if you're starting from Square One when it comes to your
skills with women, some very objective basics can work wonders.
If you've never done a cold approach before, the right opener can
indeed change that for you.
If you need a better grasp of when a woman is ready to be kissed,
knowing the signs to watch out for (e.g. her playfulness, touching
and/or getting closer to you) can work wonders.
But let's face it. If you've got 50 pounds to lose, it's not going
to "melt off overnight".
If you want to get rich, it's not going to happen within the next
two weeks as you drink pina-coladas while relaxing on the beach.
And if you really want to attract high-quality women and manage
relationships with them in masterful fashion, you just can't recite
a bunch of lines.
Yet, even as some guys aspire to be "artists" (pickup or
otherwise), what they sometimes really settle for is PAINTING BY
NUMBERS.
And painting by numbers isn't exactly "art", now is it?
Joe Jensen, one of our coaches here at X & Y Communications, can
always be counted on to send me some real gems from the Internet.
For example, listen carefully to this brief audio clip Joe sent me
the link to this week. It's of two voice mails left by a guy to a
woman he had met a few days earlier:
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
When you listened to that, you likely responded in one of two
different ways:
1) "This guy needs to step up his game BIG TIME", or...
2) "I don't understand what's so funny."
I'll tell you straight up. If on the odd chance you're in the
second camp and you fail to see why a radio morning show would play
this on the air, you COULD be painting by numbers.
Heck, even if you can relate just THE SLIGHTEST BIT to this guy's
approach, that reality is probably hitting you like a ton of bricks
about now, I'd imagine.
That said, I trust most of you can indeed see the tragic-comedy at
play here.
But you see, the part that the female recipient of these voice
mails along with the morning show crew probably doesn't even begin
to understand is this harsh reality: The extreme likelihood is
that the guy on the phone has probably come a LONG, LONG way in his
skills with women. He's probably WAY better now than he was before.
That's right. You heard me correctly.
Perhaps he used to suffer from approach anxiety in the worst way.
And maybe he used to put women on a pedestal and kowtow to them as
if they were "divine goddesses".
Maybe he even used to be the CHASER instead of the chooser.
Well, he's clearly gotten over AA, hasn't he? And from the looks
of thing, he ain't kowtowing to nobody these days. Moreover, you
can hear how he has carefully chosen his words so as to objectively
position himself as the CHOOSER.
But to say all of his application of what he has learned thus far
fell flat is an understatement, isn't it?
Why?
Simple. My man is going around painting by numbers.
Believe it or not, I see this sort of thing all the time around
here. Guys are doing very similar things to what you just heard,
and not understanding why the desired results aren't happening.
It can take several forms. Perhaps there's the "cocky" without the
"funny", resulting in a guy wondering why women aren't responding
to raw insults with "instant, uncontrollable attraction".
Or maybe "Mr. Nice Guy" reads about how "women love Idiot/Jerks"
and swings his pendulum to the opposite extreme...only to be left
more bitter toward women than ever.
All of this is the result of reading or hearing very objective,
by-the-book strategies on "how to pickup women" and attempting to
apply them in a linear fashion to every single situation with every
woman.
Or worse--attempting to apply a HALF-BAKED understanding of those
strategies. Ouch.
You know what? I don't think the guy in the voicemail example is
all that bad a guy. In fact, he's probably only doing exactly what
he THINKS he read was the right thing to do.
With practice, he'll learn what isn't working (the hard way) and
get more effective with women. And hey, at least he's PRACTICING
instead of just sitting around reading. I give him all the credit
in the world for that.
But where paint-by-numbers will turn into true artistry for him
(and for the rest of us also) is when he realizes that objective
strategies ultimately won't cut it with women.
After all, women are human beings like we as men are. That means
applying some of the more subjective truths about social skill in
general HAS GOT to take precedence over any step-by-step tactics.
For starters, if WE wouldn't respond positively to what we're
saying to women, there's solid reason to believe THEY WON'T EITHER.
Similarly, if WE would feel pushed and/or swindled if treated a
certain way, we shouldn't exactly expect women to get the "warm
fuzzies" if we feed them the same.
This all isn't necessarily hard to grasp, it simply means that we
have to be a bit more flexible in our ability (and even our
willingness) to meet the challenge of interacting with every woman
we meet (and indeed, EVERYONE we meet) on an individual basis.
We've also got to actually LIKE women in order to expect them to
LIKE us back. They follow our lead, remember?
But you can't recite from of the manual. And you can't FORCE that
leadership on them like our friend in the voice mail example
attempted to.
So how about it? Can you put aside the "paint by numbers
approach", even if it potentially means leaving your comfort zone
with women?
Can you trust your genuine, authentic "Big Four" self to come
through for you on the fly every time you're with a new and
uniquely individual woman?
It's all about making a woman feel comfortable in your presence.
It's all about igniting her femininity with your masculinity even
as you respect her basic inalienable rights as a fellow human
being--without pushing, without cajoling.
It's all about believing your personality WORKS...whether you are in
the presence of a woman you are attracted to or not.
If your mindset is such, you are well on your way to leaving the
paint by numbers approach behind and achieving true artistry.
Have a great weekend, guys.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. In the meantime until Chick Whispering is available, you can
find The Leading Man, The Master Plan, The Engineer's Guide To
Being Cooler Than The Salesguy and all the other X & Y
Communications books and programs here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/store
If something catches your eye and you've got questions about it,
drop me a note at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com. Remember, I
personally guarantee results with an unconditional 365-day money-back
promise.
By the way, be sure to get a free month of membership to my elite
Power Sessions inner circle with whatever you decide on.
Personal E-mail coaching is included and the advanced programs I've
been serving up to Power Sessions guys have been ON FIRE lately.
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