[X&Y] Here's Exactly How To Get The Second Date
Published: Tue, 08/25/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Last week you got step-by-step strategies to
making first meetings happen. Now it's time to make sure the
SECOND meeting happens too...
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TELESEMINAR TOMORROW NIGHT...IT'S F-R-E-E
Remember, that teleseminar on "How To Be A Man Who's In Control Of
His Life With Women" is TOMORROW NIGHT, Wednesday, August 26th at
9pm EDT (GMT -4).
Here's the link where all the info is, including a video message
from Brad Howard, who will be co-hosting the call with me.
http://bit.ly/G99T4
You'll be able to listen via the web or call-in...your choice. And
it won't cost you a dime (unless you're the last guy on Earth still
paying for long distance).
But either way, make sure to get there a couple minutes early
tomorrow night. We're going to be covering a TON of ground, and
you'll be able to ask your questions and get real answers...nice.
If you've ever found yourself feeling even slightly like the
dentist in "The Hangover" (or just want to make sure you NEVER DO),
you won't want to miss this call.
And now, let's talk about how to get second dates...
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HOW TO MAKE SURE THE SECOND DATE HAPPENS
Last week I revealed five key strategies for making sure phone
numbers turn in to actual first meetings.
After all, even though so much PUA teaching focuses on getting the
number, you can't really count yourself as enjoying REAL success
with women unless, well...you're enjoying the company of REAL women.
In REAL LIFE.
But I'd argue that simply getting to that first meeting isn't what
it's all about either. In order to truly be the CHOOSER rather
than the CHASER, it has to be YOU who decides whether the second
date (and I'd say it's fine to call it a "date" at this point)
happens or not.
And for that to be the case, of course, you've got to make sure SHE
wants it to happen no matter what.
Here are five ways to run a first meeting that dramatically
increase your odds of that being the case:
1) HAVE A PLAN
By this I mean slightly more than simply not "winging it".
Obviously that's a loser.
I'm also talking about coming up with something more creative than
a "Blockbuster night" here.
Your plan doesn't have to be expensive. In fact, dropping a bunch
of cash on fancy dinners, etc. during first meetings can actually
backfire on you, creating a high-pressure situation that makes a
woman feel like "payback" is going to be expected later. Creepy.
But you DO have to do your homework and set up a plan that
maximizes interaction between the two of you while minimizing
pressure and stress.
If you've become a master of your metro area, as discussed in a
recent newsletter, this should be no problem. Simply keep your eye
on the city event calendar and keep that running list of great
places to potentially take a woman.
And when you discover winning combos, RECYCLE them. It's okay, I
promise.
2) SELF-PREPARATION
Let's face it, it's a good idea to bring your "A game" to a first
meeting.
This means you've got to GET READY for it.
In the physical sense, this means showing up clean and with fresh
breath, of course.
So going directly from a long day at work to a "happy hour" meeting
with a woman is probably not the best idea.
After all, if that's what's going on you probably didn't even get a
chance to change out of your company logo polo shirt and into some
more stylish threads. Ouch.
But you've also got to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally,
too.
Another great reason not to schedule first meetings right after
work is that you'll likely need some time to "decompress", lest you
carry the stresses of the workplace with you into the evening.
If at all possible, be sure to plan ahead and get a decent night's
sleep so you won't be sluggish and/or cranky.
Oh, and don't confuse "preparation" with "obsessing". Clear your
mind of negative thoughts and worry. Visualize yourself having a
great time with a great woman.
3) LOW PRESSURE GREETING
One of the most potentially awkward moments of a first meeting is
right at the beginning, when you're greeting each other.
I'm often asked whether a guy should shake a woman's hand or hug
her when he first meets her...especially if you've met her online and
have literally never even seen her before.
Well, the answer is "no".
That's right, you don't have to even MAKE that decision. Simply
say, "You must be [name]. Glad you're here. Hey, let's grab a
seat."
Now granted, if she lunges at you wanting a big bear hug or
something, roll with it. Don't treat the poor chick like she's got
cooties for the sake of "procedure".
But that said, were she to hold out her hand, I'd make some light
joke about welcoming her to the "board meeting" while shaking it.
With a smile, of course.
4) KICK OFF THE "COMFORT CONVERSATION"
What's one of the most dreaded first meeting scenarios? You got
it: That ridiculous stream of "interview questions".
But I'll tell you straight-up, if you don't lead the conversation
elsewhere proactively--and as quickly as possible--that's EXACTLY
where she's likely to go, if left to her own devices.
And seriously, it's a lot better to figure out if the two of you
even GET ALONG during a first meeting than it is to delve into
religion, politics and/or family planning. Believe me.
So what's a brother to do?
Simple solution: Pay attention to what's going on in the world or
even listen to the talk radio station (not to be confused with the
sports talk station) while on the way to meet her. Make mental
notes of what might spark interesting conversation.
You can even check out the front page of Digg before she arrives.
ANYTHING to generate potential topics.
Then, as SOON as the two of you get settled in wherever you are
jump RIGHT INTO a conversation, asking her if she's heard about it
or what she thinks about it.
And when you hear ten minutes later something to the effect of,
"Wow...I've only known you for ten minutes but it seems like we've
known each other for TEN YEARS!", that will have been exactly the
point of it all.
If she's comfortable with you, that's half the task at hand.
Really.
5) CREATE "FLIRTATION SPACE"
So what's the OTHER most dreaded first meeting scenario?
That would be when things degenerate from "interview" to REALLY
seeming like a board meeting...handshake or not.
That's right, the two of you spend the time talking about the
weather and other inert or flat-out lame-o topics.
Look gentlemen, neither one of you are there because you're looking
forward to a platonic friendship. Both of you are hoping that
there's a spark of attraction, right?
The greatest gift you can give yourself on a first meeting is to
realize that women actually LIKE to flirt. And as we've covered in
the past, all flirting really entails is ANY conversation or
activity that would feel seriously WRONG if directed at someone of
the gender you're NOT sexually interested in.
That's ALL there is to it.
But complicating matters is the fact that most of us as guys are
pretty much paranoid of "scaring" women or "oppressing" women with
overbearing sexuality.
Well, if you relax, avoid crowding her 18" airspace and keep things
more playful than overtly sexual for now, I can all but guarantee
she'll be having a great time sooner than later.
I call this unbeatable combination of flirtation and attention to
her comfort level "creating flirtation space".
Bring up light subjects, tease and banter a bit, and generally make
it a point to loosen up. Enjoy the fact she's a woman and make
sure she knows she's with a man who might be both interesting and
interested.
Contrast all of this with talking about death and destruction,
punctuating every sentence with "my precious", making weird
slurping noises between breaths and/or staring at her for two full
minutes at a time without blinking. I think you get the point.
It also helps to understand the difference between "showing
potential interest" and "pre-approving her goddess like
perfection". Think "choose" rather than "chase" at all times, and
you'll be WAY ahead of 99% of the other guys she's hung out with
lately.
If you're careful to make the first meeting a "limited time
engagement" (i.e. leave her wanting more instead of dragging things
out), and you are clear about whether you "wish her well in her
search" or will be calling her again, then what I've just outlined
for you should pave the way to date #2...and beyond.
You know, to be perfectly frank, there really is a sixth strategy
though. And it's all-important: Unless you want a permanent
address in the "just be friends" zone zip code, you're also going
to have to show up to a first meeting with your masculinity intact.
By this, I'm pretty sure I mean this in the figurative as well as
the literal sense.
And in all actuality, this concept transcends the first meeting.
You'll need to show up to every FUTURE date with your masculine
mojo in high gear too.
With that in mind, next time I'm going to hit you with a seriously
crazy thought that you've likely never considered before.
I think I'm on to something, and am looking forward to sharing it
with you. You may end up agreeing or disagreeing, but it'll
challenge your mind nonetheless. Stay tuned...
In the mean time, if this sort of practical, down-to-earth
discussion on how to be the kind of man who succeeds where
"average" guys fail with women is really resonating with you, then
I'd highly suggest taking a tour of the X & Y Communications Store.
There you can get a closer look at the e-books and programs that
have been life-changers for real guys like yourself, including The
Master Plan:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
Remember, right now you can snap up either The Leading Man OR
Virtuosity for $97, too.
So definitely take advantage of that, and I'll see you on the call
tomorrow night.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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