[X&Y] Is She Really A "Goddess"?
Published: Wed, 08/26/09
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IN THIS EDITION: A number of the "lady gurus" out there are
telling women to consider themselves as "divine goddesses". What's
up with that?
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LIVE WEEKEND SEMINARS
As you read this, Emily and I are on our way to Bangkok, Thailand
continuing the "X & Y Communications Asia Tour 2009".
While it's true that this time our journey involves mostly
'research' for an upcoming program (and shooting LOTS of video),
we're ready to announce that we'll be kicking LIVE EVENTS into gear
starting as early as November.
Yes, we realize it's about time. This is WAY overdue.
There will be more details later on what you can expect from these
live events, and we welcome YOUR IDEAS, of course.
But you can rest assured of the following no matter what:
1) The attention to detail in planning the events will be second
to none.
2) The focus will be 100% in line with what you've come to
expect from X & Y Communications, and guaranteed to be life-changing.
3) We'll be bringing some of our coolest friends along as guest
presenters.
4) The price will be WAY, WAY reasonable.
But what we REALLY need to know right now is this: Where should we
schedule the first few events?
We need to hear from you.
New York? Los Angeles? Chicago?
The UK? Australia?
We'd love to come visit you in all those places and more.
This is no joke...your opinion will absolutely influence scheduling.
So drop us a note and let us know where you are and what's on your
mind: scot@deservewhatyouwant.com
If you want to suggest topics and/or possible guests you'd like to
hear from also, go for it.
And now let's talk about our favorite topic around here: Women...
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IS SHE A GODDESS?
Recently I had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of one of
the most well known female dating experts in the world.
As a matter of fact, if you're on Power Sessions, you'll be the
beneficiary of a mind-blowing audio in the VERY near future where
she gives you the "insider's view" on what WOMEN are being taught
when they seek dating advice.
Well, one of the topics that came up while we were casually
chatting was the idea of women as "divine goddesses".
No doubt, that sort of imagery is widely-used in a sort of "new
agey" way with female audiences far and wide, presumably to help
empower women vis-a-vis the pandemic phenomenon of low-self-esteem
(LSE) among women.
Now I personally have no problem with empowering women and doing
something about rampant LSE. That is absolutely necessary.
But "divine goddess"? Come on.
Never mind the fact that equating oneself with deity is shaky
ground to begin with. That goes without saying.
The real danger here, apparently unbeknownst to a TON of women's
dating experts, is that A LOT of guys are already pre-programmed to
believe and act as if women REALLY ARE some sort of "higher power".
Simply put, whether women are ready to believe they are "divine
goddesses" or not, WE really don't need any extra convincing.
But the fact remains the same no matter what: Women are no more
"superhuman" than we are as guys. Period.
And to be perfectly frank with you, encouraging us men to put women
on an even HIGHER pedestal is counter-productive to everyone
involved anyway.
That's right. Even as the "lady gurus" purveying this sort of
thought believe themselves to be empowering women, they may in fact
be perpetuating the cycle of dating frustration...for both men AND
women.
Here's why.
For starters, need I belabor the point that pre-approval any
particular woman (let alone women in general) as summarily "out of
our league" is tantamount to CERTAIN
FAILURE?
You've got to be a CHOOSER instead of a CHASER, or else any woman
will find herself DISINTERESTED to the core...perhaps without even
knowing why.
Why? Well granted, it just might have been that "mix disc" you so
painstakingly prepared for her the day after meeting her, probably
containing such gems as "She's So High" in the playlist.
And even if you're more subtle about your "worship", the woman will
be left thinking for some reason that you were flat-out too easy to
"catch", and maybe she could do better.
'Nuff said about that.
But I would contend that even WE as guys get crossed up in the
attraction department when we fall for the "women are goddesses"
meme.
By that I mean we can potentially become as DISAPPOINTED and
FRUSTRATED with women as they are with us. Really.
Think of it this way.
Let's say you look across the room and behold what you are
instantly sure is the image of "female perfection".
And right then and there you place her among the pantheon of
"goddesses".
Now, as infinitesimal the odds are of her actually being attracted
to you when you've got that attitude on, let's extend to you the
"benefit of the doubt" for the sake of argument here.
As such, you actually get a first meeting with said "goddess".
And accordingly, you expect utter perfection. I mean, that only
follows logically, correct?
So from the outset you pile the pressure on yourself to match up as
her "Mr. Perfect", lest the slightest misstep derail everything.
Strike one. She's following your lead...right into the pressure
cooker.
And guess what, she may or may not consider herself to fall under
the "goddess" classification, making matters worse.
But either way, layer that ridiculous amount of self-imposed
pressure on HER part on top of yours. Wow...I can cut the negative
tension with a knife just THINKING about it. Strike two.
And then, the unthinkable happens. She FAILS YOU in some way.
ANY way.
Maybe it comes out that she's not the image of "virginal purity"
you assumed a "goddess" would be. Welcome to the mother of all
"madonna/whore" complexes.
OR...maybe she ends up not having the amount of knowledge of and/or
interest in a particular subject that is deeply important to you.
And you're deflated like a flat tire.
OR...maybe she stinks up the bathroom at your apartment one night
when you're cooking dinner with her.
Strike three.
Any woman (or any human being on Earth) simply cannot measure up to
a yardstick of perfection, can she?
And as you can see, EVERYONE LOSES when we have "goddess like"
expectations when it comes to women.
I mean, the chances of any of us even GETTING A DATE with a
high-quality woman are next to nil to begin with when we think like
that.
But how depressing is it to think that we're pretty much CRATERING
everyone's chances at any semblance of happiness even if we DO
create initial attraction on her part?
So c'mon "lady gurus"...how about turning your attention to
empowering women in the context of being REAL HUMAN BEINGS, without
setting both they and the guys they meet up for failure?
And as for us, it's all-important to maintain the level-headed view
that even the most attractive women on Earth are HUMAN, just like
us.
Let that sink in, and you'll find your interactions with women to
we WAY less pressure-packed...and WAY more enjoyable.
So once again, there you have yet another arrow in your quiver when
it comes to going from GOOD to GREAT with women.
But what if you didn't have to wait several days between
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as many advanced strategies on how to succeed with women as you
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Have a great Labor Day if you're in the U.S., and crush it out
there. I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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