[X&Y] Real-World Ways To "Ignite Femininity"
Published: Sat, 10/17/09
=====
IN THIS EDITION: You have been asking for SPECIFIC EXAMPLES of how
to "igniting femininity" when you are with a woman. Here are TEN
of them for you--all of which you can start putting into action
TODAY.
=====
WHAT'S THE ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN COSTUME?
Brad Jackson of P.U.M.A. Skills fame and I have become good friends
over the past few months. We chat on Skype or talk on the phone at
least every other day.
After all he's a great guy, even if some of his stuff really isn't
exactly, well... "aligned" with what we usually talk about in this
newsletter.
For example, this "ultimate opener" video is pretty much contrary to
everything I've EVER believed about techniques, lines, and the like:
http://www.pumaskills.com/hiro-revealed?AFFID=11553
But hey...from what I understand it sounds like more than a fair
share of guys all over the world (OK, *way* more...a staggering
number, actually) have started meeting amazing women quickly and
easy with what he's talking about in it.
So, (as I've done in the past) I'll let YOU be the judge.
In fact, I'm willing to admit I was even (ahem) slightly challenged
by that video myself.
Anyway, what I *really* meant to share with you right now is this
INGENIOUS new video featuring a WHOLE SET of ideas that Brad has
for any of you who plan on hitting up some Halloween parties this
year:
http://www.pumaskills.com/perfectcostume?AFFID=11553
I'd say Brad's right on time with this video.
I mean, first of all...if you can't see the value of attending a
party where a decent percentage of the women will be dressed up
either as bunnies or in cat suits, you probably should call me
immediately for assistance with that.
No joke...the great ideas just keep flowing in this video, so make
sure you stick around until the "clincher" at the end (although my
guess is that when Brad gets to the "Human Mammogram" that'll likely
be all some guys will need to run with).
The big day is only two weeks away (and dude...Halloween is on a
SATURDAY this year, no less). So I highly suggest arming yourself
with Brad's ideas.
I'll tell you what...99.9% of all other guys out there are going to
WING IT this Halloween, and as a result they're NOT going to
magically attract women with their costumes like you will:
http://www.pumaskills.com/perfectcostume?AFFID=11553
And now, let's get to that question from Kevin in New Mexico. He
asks about HOW EXACTLY to "ignite femininity"...
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Scot,
I recently went out with a single mom, who had actually approached
me for the date. Throughout the day prior to the date she was
texting me so on and so forth. She kept telling me how excited she
was. While I was excited as well, there was no need in building up
an expectation.
I was going into the date with NO expectations other than getting
to know her. I used a few of the standard questions, but then
moved on to other questions to "ignite her femininity," such as,
"Wow you seem passionate about X. Why is that?" or "What do you
like to do? Really...how did you get involved", etc.
These were not canned questions, and I was just trying to be
different. Well, she would answer but she hardly asked any
questions back.
This is not to say she was chatting the whole time. She just
seemed to lack the drive she had previously to get to know me.
I can honestly say I had little to no chance to put my foot into my
mouth.
Now I know the advice about not being creepy, smelling bad, and
other hidden detractors to success. While I am no Casanova, I know
plenty of female friends whom I can flirt with and so on who would
be honest if I did something wrong.
Since I have friends who would tell me the truth no matter what, I
went into this date with the confidence I have when hanging out
with friends.
I did not try to treat her as a friend, I did not act neutered, and
I avoided past mistakes which got me into the "just friends zone."
I am glad I have an honest person like you to tell me about my
questions and approach when on a date. I want a conversation to be
interesting, because I personally hate a dull conversation and find
it pointless to continue the date if it is.
I know you don't like to give advice on what exact words to say,
which I don't want because it DOES sound canned and fake.
But how can a man carry a conversation and not appear neutered?
What topics or questions are not neutered questions?
Kevin (Roswell, NM)
=====
Hey Kevin:
I have to tell you. You are CERTAINLY not alone.
There are literally thousands and thousands of guys out there who,
like you and me, don't want to used "canned lines". Yet, we often
find ourselves at a TOTAL LOSS when it comes to how to get the kind
of conversation rolling that "ignites femininity", don't we?
Worse, sometimes (like you just saw the cold, harsh reality of) we
*think* we're doing what it takes to create attraction, only to
watch things fall flat on her end.
Truth be told, it usually takes a very OBJECTIVE plan at first in
order for most guys to genuinely "ignite femininity". Although the
words you choose should be your own, you can indeed build a solid
framework of patterns and mindsets that tend to get GREAT results.
Along those lines, here are the TOP TEN ideas for sparking the kind
of conversation that is MOST LIKELY to "ignite femininity":
1) SPEAK IN THAT "ALMOST REGAL" WAY THAT DEMONSTRATES LEADERSHIP
AND SHOWS THAT YOU HAVE HER BEST INTERESTS AT HEART
For example, if you're at a restaurant and they try to sit you by
the door when it's cold outside, you may instinctively remember
that women get cold easily.
So you confidently suggest to the host or hostess that you that you'd
like to be placed at a table that's further away from the door.
You voice this request because you know your date will be cold by
the door, so you are unconcerned about being "polite" versus
causing discomfort to your date. You don't ASK this in the form of
"Um...if it's okay, do you think maybe we could possibly..."
You put her feelings and priorities first, and expect compliance.
Not in an obnoxious way, but rather in a confident way that exerts
your opinion of what the right thing to do is. It's as if you are
"in charge" of the situation...because you are.
2) INSTEAD OF MERELY MAKING "SMALL TALK", ISOLATE HER FEMININITY
IN THE QUESTIONS YOU ASK
Instead of, "What do you think of the weather we've been having?"
try "So what really makes you feel like a woman?" Such a simple
acknowledgment that you and she are of different genders is often
WAY past where most men are willing to take the conversation.
Make no mistake, the questions you asked the woman you were out
with were GREAT QUESTIONS. But they weren't the TYPE of questions
that expressly address the powerful polarity between a man and a
woman.
If that polarity isn't stoked in your conversation, it's going to
be ALL NEUTER, ALL THE TIME for as long as the two of you have to
endure the date.
The best practice is to engage her WITH A MIX of the kind of
questions you asked with combined with least a few gender-specific
questions. Too many of the latter and you'll indeed come off
weird, no doubt.
You want conversation to flow naturally ASAP rather than occurring
as if you have some sort of "hidden agenda".
3) KEEP IT LIGHT AND FUN. NO HEAVY STUFF.
You've GOT to avoid any talk of work, politics, religion or
long-term marriage goals during first meetings for sure, and
probably even for a few dates after that. There will be plenty of
time for that later.
And by all means guard against any indication of complaining or
bitterness. In fact, you can even call that sort of conversation
out if SHE starts it. Tell her you want to hang out with positive
people.
Getting this right shows her that you, again, are about her comfort
even as you know how to take leadership. It also shows you know
how to create a fun, intriguing environment for pressure-free
male/female relating to happen. Very cool.
4) GET HER TO TALK ABOUT HERSELF BY ASKING *OPEN ENDED* QUESTIONS
This means asking for descriptions and/or opinions as opposed to
ANYTHING that can be responded to with a simply "yes" or a "no".
You can't have any conversation whatsoever otherwise, especially
one that's going to keep you out of the dreaded "JBF Zone".
When she is free to talk about herself, she senses that you care
more about HER than about IMPRESSING HER.
When the circumstances are such, women are more likely to utter
those magic words, "It's as if you and I have known each other for
TEN YEARS, not TEN MINUTES."
5) GIVE APPROVAL *WHEN APPROPRIATE*, AND FROM A POSITION OF
AUTHORITY AS OPPOSED TO NEEDINESS
For example, she may say, "I can bake some mean pecan peanut butter
oatmeal cookies. They're my favorite."
In response, you wouldn't say "REALLY?!? Pecan peanut butter
oatmeal cookies are my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE TOOOOO!!!!".
Because they're *not*.
You would just be saying that in an attempt to shoehorn artificial
rapport into the scenario, and it's pathetic.
Instead, try, "No kidding? So you can bake. I'm proud of
you...baking is a lost art and not many women can bake. "I'm proud
of you" is an IMMENSELY powerful phrase because it usually it
conveys authority.
6) IN FACT, AVOID TRYING TOO HARD TO BUILD RAPPORT OR IMPRESS WOMEN
IN GENERAL
Why? Because "trying too hard", although a pandemic problem among
us as guys, is irrevocably fatal.
Instead, imply with your words (preferably indirectly) that it's
SHE who should be trying to impress YOU...all the while making no
effort to hide your intrigue.
Intrigue WORKS, neediness DOES NOT WORK. The tricky part, though,
is that the two concepts are tantalizingly similar.
For example, after she talks about baking cookies, you may ask,
"So...what other kinds of tasty treats do you think you can tempt
me with?"
Let her answer the question. If she picks up on the flirtatious
nature of it, so be it. If not, don't break stride.
7) BE BOLDLY UNAFRAID TO FLIRT
I've defined flirting before as ANY communication between a man and
a woman that would feel flat-out wrong were it between members of
the same sex (assuming heterosexuality, of course).
So flirting doesn't have to involve overtly sexual come-ons by any
stretch. This means that in all actuality if you SUSPECT she is
flirting, she probably is.
And if what you are planning to say sounds REMOTELY flirtatious
and/or even adventurous, it IS.
Women LOVE this. Rest assured that it's not going to come off as
creepy if she has already agreed to be on a date with you and
appears to be having fun.
Remember, it's only when she feels like you would potentially harm
her or get weird on her that she gets creeped out. Simple
gender-charged (compare against sexually-charged) conversation is A
LOT of fun to women.
8) YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH EVERYTHING A WOMAN SAYS AND/OR
LIKE EVERYTHING SHE LIKES...IN FACT, YOU *SHOULDN'T*
This factor was perhaps implied somewhat by point #5 above, but it
indeed deserves its own bullet point.
For example, when she talks about the "unique" cookies she bakes,
you can openly verbalize that you're NOT much of an oatmeal cookie
guy, if that's the case.
Go ahead and tell her, albeit with a hint of playfulness, she's
going to have to dig deep and come up with a different recipe for
you.
A man who isn't so compliant all the time (as in, "Yes, dear")
shows that he has his own plan, his own opinions, all the while
demonstrating to a woman that she can count on him to be able to
stand up to her...which is a great indicator that he'll of him
being able to stand up FOR her when necessary, too.
Again, her feeling of comfort and security is a HUGE part of what
triggers in a woman's soul that she has a MAN in her presence.
9) MIX IN GOOD-NATURED TEASING AND BANTER
This is as opposed to some misplaced form of "negging" that amounts
to nothing more than insults (e.g. "Cocky/funny" that ISN'T funny).
The kind of conversation were talking about here is supposed to be
FUN and PLAYFUL. There's really no better way to release a woman's
natural feminine energy.
If a woman spills coffee on herself during a first meeting, your
first thought should be to make her feel comfortable as opposed to
suddenly self-conscious.
You may lead with a smile and a slow-shake of the head...then
change course, laugh and say, "Well, actually...on second thought
you've just freed me up from having to be on my best behavior all
day/night. So thanks for that."
When she looks up at you with a raised eyebrow and the corner of her
mouth turned up, you calmly say, "No, really" with a perfect poker
face.
You can reverse apparently positive things to great effect, also.
For example, on my first meeting with Emily, which happened to be
for breakfast, I swear she ordered the hugest breakfast platter on
the menu.
As soon as it was placed in front of her by the waitress, I joked
and said, "Are you going to eat the rest of that?" as I pretended to
pull her plate toward my side of the table.
Sensing the humor in that immediately, she said, "Oh, don't worry.
I can eat whatever I want and never gain an ounce". I immediately
put a concerned, resolute look on my face and quietly announced,
"You just lost a point. No doubt."
She laughed, and to this day STILL sometimes asks--with a
flirtatious giggle--if she ever made up that lost point.
10) IF THERE'S EVER AN "ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM", CALL IT OUT
Don't shy away like a ween from a conversation that HAD BETTER
HAPPEN.
If you're going to be five minutes late for the meeting, drop her a
text telling her so. (And yes, I said "text". That is an
EXCELLENT situation in which to put text messaging to good use.)
Similarly, if she's late and didn't give you any indication ahead
of time, don't just let it slide.
I mean, you don't have to grill her like cheap fajitas, but you CAN
casually mention that you think it would have been respectful for
her to give you a heads-up, since you would do the same for her.
Do you see how that would send all the right messages to her about
who you are at your core?
Whatever happens, don't let awkwardness blossom. If you think
everything should be going well and it's not, don't pretend
otherwise.
This falls under point #8 above to some degree in the sense that
you'd still be trying to contrive a shiny, happy situation out of
something that isn't so perfect...and women CAN'T STAND this.
If you've ever tried to blow sunshine up the skirt of a woman who
just answered "Nothing" to the "What's wrong?" question, you get
the idea.
For example, if you know she just broke up from a guy she was
engaged to and she seems distant, you might as well throw it on
the table.
Don't ask a question, but rather present a statement. If you must,
punctuate it with "huh?" This is a great way to ask a question
in a way that sounds self-confident rather than tentative or
clingy.
For example, in such a situation you might say, "So you're still
kind of broken up over that break up, huh?" She'll either own up to
the truth or she'll wake up and snap out of the funk that she may
not have even been fully aware she was advertising so obviously.
Ultimately, the key to conversation that "ignites femininity" comes
down to how effectively you portray the "Big Four": masculinity,
confidence, your ability to make her feel safe and secure, and
character.
You should at all times come off as casual, collected and under
control. You do not concern yourself in the moment with the
outcome of the date because you are a man who has a plan and is
unaffected by outside phenomenon (within reason).
YET...you are indeed intrigued by the woman you're with and
interested in her AS A WOMAN, even if your world isn't going to
exactly implode if she doesn't reciprocate that interest.
After all, if she doesn't, it's her problem not yours--but only as
long as you've LED in the "Big Four" direction. See how that
works? The "Big Four" is to a woman's femininity as a blue-tip is
to kerosene...seriously.
Without question, most of what I've shared in these examples above
is not new information. I've mentioned them all before, and I'd
dare say so have others.
I genuinely trust you'll see the objectivity in them, as promised.
But the caveat always remains "your mileage may vary".
PLEASE don't think you'll be able to go out and force the exact
lines or examples I've given above into random scenarios.
You've got to feel into each situation and apply your uniquely
individual brand of masculine, confident, comfort-building ideals
into whichever words you choose and the attitudes you adopt.
This really does take practice, but the skills can indeed come to
you sooner than you think.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you are a member of the Power Sessions inner circle, the
very next advanced audio program I have for you will cover how to
COMPLIMENT a woman the right way (i.e. without "kissing up" to or
"pre-approving" her). Look for it soon.
P.P.S. If you are a father-to-be or plan on being a dad any time in
the near future, the latest blog post is a MUST READ. Your sons
will thank you:
http://www.edumckaytion.com/blog
=====
IMPORTANT: IF YOU WANT TO ASK ME A QUESTION, find me on
Twitter.com @scotmckay and jump into the conversation with an
@message.
Seriously, finding me on Twitter is truly the best place to get in
touch with me.
Please note that due to sheer volume of messages I simply cannot
come close to answering every e-mail received...especially the
"life story" editions.
Guys who are Power Sessions members will continue to receive
unlimited e-mail coaching and will also continue to enjoy first
priority.
If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the
newsletter to others. Help a brother out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply visit our main portal:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "How
To Deal With Breakups" for free. Or, just send a blank email to
"xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
Discussion Forum:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
We're Now The #1 Dating Experts On Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/scotmckay
We're Also Now The #1 Dating Experts On Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/scotandemily
Friend Us On MySpace:
http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y
Pin Yourself On Frappr (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
http://www.frappr.com/xandy
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2009. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at:
Date:
IP: