[X&Y] When Women "Test" You
Published: Tue, 11/03/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Women "test" us all the time. But are the
intentions behind the tests really what we think they are? Maybe,
maybe not...
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THANKS FOR YOUR FEEDBACK
Last time I asked you for your top questions and/or sticking points
that you'd like to see us address in future newsletters, podcasts
and full-on programs.
Suffice it to say you have a LOT on your mind. A sincere THANK YOU
for sending me your thoughts and ideas (and testimonials too...wow).
I've read every single e-mail I received (and responded to a TON of
them) and built a file containing ALL of your amazing ideas.
As a matter of fact, all laziness aside, I've actually gotten to
work on a number of them already. Look for several new
collaborations and interviews with experts you've probably never
heard from before.
My #1 intention is to answer questions you're *actually asking*, so
this is what it's all about.
So with that in mind, here's a post I recently wrote for Cliff's
List which got some great feedback.
Several of you guys mentioned that you'd like to hear more about
dealing with women's "tests", so I've got your back already...
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ARE WOMEN'S TESTS REALLY WHAT THEY SEEM TO BE?
Earlier tonight I was on a coaching call with a guy discussing the
finer points of how women test men.
Recently, he had taken a woman he has just started getting to know
to the movies.
Now while I generally don't recommend movie dates with women we
barely know yet, I have to give the guy kudos for having a very set
plan in this situation...especially since this was the third or
fourth day and not the first.
Since both he and she work odd hours, he took her to the last show
on a Monday night--of a movie that is nearing the end of it's run in
theatres.
You guessed it...it was an empty theatre. They could laugh and joke
all they wanted to without disturbing anyone else.
If there's ANY potential upside to the dreaded "dark silence" movie
date, my man had found it.
But that's not to say everything went off without a hitch. In
fact, the guy (in his own words) was confronted with a pretty
serious "test" right as he and the woman entered the theatre.
As he motioned to her that they would be sitting right in the
middle of the theatre, she continued to bolt up the steps to the
very top row.
Planting herself in the center seat at the very top she said, "No
way. YOU need to come up here. This is where I ALWAYS sit."
Immediately our hero felt a "power struggle" brewing.
To "give in" and go sit with her would theoretically mean "giving
his power away" on a silver platter.
And in his mind, that would mean "failing the test".
But then again, he recognized that standing his ground could
produce even more disastrous results.
After all, what kind of narrow-minded jerkwad would stand there
like a kindergartner throwing a tantrum until the woman relented?
Man...how many times have ALL of us as men found ourselves in the
midst of a tricky situation like that?
Granted, most "normal" AFC-types would simply shake their head and
go join the woman on the top row.
Meanwhile, just about every guy who has ever read any advice at all
from the Seduction Community would immediately cringe at the
thought of "giving in to a woman's tests" like that.
So what's the deal? How does a guy "pass the test" in such a
scenario as this?
Well, here's a potential solution that you may have never
considered before.
That's because what I'm about to share with you is nothing short of
contrary to every thought process we as guys tend to favor.
You see, when women "test" us their intentions may be VERY
DIFFERENT than what we as men perceive them to be.
First of all, bear in mind that the whole idea of "competition" is
one that's favored by the male psyche.
We love WINNING and hate LOSING. For sure, one of the greatest
insults one dude can hand another is to call him a "loser".
So when faced with a "test", we read it as a "competition". And as
we all know, getting "beat by a girl" sucks.
This way of thinking first rears its ugly head when we consider
approaching a woman, of course. But unfortunately, it tends to
stick around long past its welcome in the form of overblown "fight
or flight" responses to simple tests from women.
But the reality of the situation when a woman tests you is that she
may not be looking to "win".
That's right...her tests might not be about "power struggles" at
all--at least to her.
They only BECOME that when WE as guys decide they are, and lead
accordingly.
So what, then, is her friggin' point?
Well, to answer that, let's get down to the basics of what makes
women feel ATTRACTION toward you.
Can you express natural masculinity as a man who has a plan, and
remains calm, cool and collected whatever comes up?
Further, are you CONFIDENT in your plan, and with your decisions
associated with it?
Plus, you can bet she's wondering if you know how to have any FUN
as to being like the millions of other guys who are too flippin'
serious all the time for their own good.
And can you be TRUSTED by a woman to be a competent protector and
provider?
By the way, we're not talking about handing her a million dollars
and/or beating up whatever thugs try to coldcock her at a 24-hour
ATM machine here.
The bottom line: What she's looking for is a man who knows how to
put her best interests at heart in a way that puts her at ease.
She wants to know you tend to make effective decisions and that she
can feel SAFE and SECURE in your presence.
That's what she wants, and if you are THAT guy she'll love you for
it.
So basically, if you haven't figured it out already, it's not about
where you sit in the blasted movie theatre.
Unless she's some über-manipulative chick who you should avoid
anyway, she's not trying to OWN you.
She simply wants to know how you handle yourself in various
situations...because she LIKES you.
That's right. Women TEST you when they LIKE you.
If she can't get out of that movie theatre FAST ENOUGH, she won't
put forth the effort.
So with all of this in mind, let's return to the movie theatre
where we left our friend.
The guy's best response to the woman's "test" in this case is
NEITHER to flatly capitulate to her NOR to stick to his guns. Both
of those reactions would turn the "test" into an unwinnable
"contest".
The less-than-obvious and far more creative choice is to take back
control of the whole scenario by CHANGING THE GAMEPLAN ENTIRELY.
How's that done?
Upon being "challenged" by the woman, he may say this (after a bit
of a pause, and with a sly smile on his face):
"Oh, I don't know... You'd better be sure you know what you're asking
for. Because if I have to come up there it WILL NOT be to sit next
to you."
Regardless of how she responds, he moves closer to where she is
even as she's still talking.
But instead of sitting beside her with his hands folded like "Mr.
Nice Guy", he at the very least starts tickling her and telling her
that her new nickname is "Trouble".
And preferably, he picks her up, slings her over his shoulder and
carries her down to the middle aisle seat where he wanted to sit to
begin with.
Note that there is nothing overtly sexual and no opportunistic
grabbing going on here...that's important.
Most likely, she'll be giggling and playfully hammering him on the
back all the while.
But...as soon as he sits her in the seat, he starts his way back to
the back row.
At that point, she'll likely say, "What? Where are you going?"
...to which he'll calmly and thoughtfully respond, "For some reason,
I've decided that this movie will be MUCH better from the back row.
I heard that's where all the excitement is...especially now that I'm
there."
At this point whether she comes and joins him in the back row or
stays where she is becomes immaterial. Wherever they end up
sitting, he whispers in her ear, "Ah...I knew you'd eventually see
things my way."
(And then he'd probably better kiss the poor girl after working her
up like that.)
So why would so brash of a response end up working to the guy's
advantage?
First, assuming that the woman is an emotionally well-adjusted
person, such a test comes means she's probably HOPING for a little
playfulness as opposed to a pointless argument.
Remember, a test is only a CONTEST if you LET IT BE. She's
probably not thinking win/lose--that's a guy thing.
She's simply thinking "yes" or "no" regarding how you respond, and
a "yes" absolutely does not have to be at the expense of her loss.
What results from the test is simply either a pleasant experience
or not.
She's CURIOUS as to how you are when things happen out of the blue.
What IS your leadership style? Do you have her best interests at
heart?
Can you make her feel safe and secure by doing what's right...without
being either a PUSHOVER or a MACHO, CONTROLLING JERK?
Do you know how to stop being so SERIOUS all the time and have some
FUN?
That's really what tests are all about...at least in HER mind. And
when we as guys respond as effectively as possible, EVERYONE "wins".
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Of course, when you get right down to it, being able to decode women's
tests--and the associated response of NOT "freaking out"--are just
two of the undeniably valuable benefits of understanding women IN
GENERAL.
As you read what I wrote above, you *may* have been hit with the
realization that getting this sort of thing right just ISN'T ALL
THAT HARD.
And it's really not...IF you can "think out of the box" just a little.
To do that, however, we first have to STOP assuming women are
"impossible to figure out".
Then, of course, we have to get out of our own heads and actually
look at various situations that come up in the dating world as a
WOMAN would.
Think about it. When you meet a woman who just seems to intuitively
KNOW what men are really like, how does that affect you?
My guess is it makes you just a bit more intrigued...and a LOT more
attracted.
NOW IMAGINE what the presence of a masculine, confident man who GETS
WOMEN does to HER.
You've got it. It's like CATNIP. Things like "rapport" and "comfort
level" are NOT A PROBLEM. They happen effortlessly.
No guesswork. No "routines". No connecting "tab A" to "slot B", at
least not in the figurative sense.
This is exactly why what's covered in Chick Whispering is so mission
critical:
http://bit.ly/um8kO
Along with the 214-page e-book, you get TEN extra-value components--
each of which was specifically chosen to cover a very specific aspect
of understanding women.
From the first date all the way through to a long-term relationship
(and even in the bedroom), you'll never be at a loss.
And for good measure, I've even invited three different well-known
"lady gurus" to share their secrets about how women think.
Here's the video to find out exactly what's included:
http://bit.ly/um8kO
Within the next week or so, some of my friends are going to start
telling more people about Chick Whispering. And the general
consensus among them is that I should be charging WAY more for it
than I am.
So the price may be going up VERY SOON...for real.
If you want to give yourself a clear advantage over guys who'll never
even TRY to decode women, this is a great time to pull the trigger on
Chick Whispering:
http://bit.ly/um8kO
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. We've got the latest episode of The Chick Whisperer podcast
edited. We're just working on getting one last detail straightened
out.
In the meantime, subscribe on iTunes so you'll be the VERY FIRST
to know when it hit's the street:
http://bit.ly/QbJVo
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