[X&Y] Letter From A Reader: Handling Tricky Questions From Women
Published: Mon, 09/28/09
=====
IN THIS EDITION: What if a woman asks you tricky questions when
you're just getting to know her? Sound familiar? Check out what one
reader found himself confronted with just recently...
=====
WANT ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED?
Ever since handing out all those copies of my STICKING POINTS: SOLVED
book over the weekend, I've been getting a ton of e-mails from guys
asking how they can get personalized answers to their questions like
that.
Well, the absolute best way to get DIRECT E-MAIL COACHING from me
whenever you want it is to become a member of the elite Power
Sessions inner circle.
That's right. In addition to getting a steady stream of the latest
and most advanced X & Y Communications content delivered straight to
your inbox, e-mail coaching is INCLUDED.
You can always get your first month of Power Sessions for f-r-e-e any
time you get Chick Whispering or any other book or program from me.
And I'll tell you, guys who get in on Power Sessions almost always
recognize immediately that they're on to something special.
In fact, if you're not a part of the Power Sessions inner circle just
yet, you should be.
So here's what I'm going to do.
In order to make it as EASY AS POSSIBLE to get in on Power Sessions,
I'm going to give you your first month for ONE PENNY...and you don't
even having to buy a book or program to get in on the deal.
That's right...just ONE CENT gets you in the door:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/special
IMPORTANT: This will only be available to you for the NEXT 24 HOURS.
After that, I won't be doing this again for a LONG TIME.
The way I see it, it's the guys who move quickly and decisively when
it comes to getting better with women who will see the greatest
successes.
And that goes DOUBLE for Power Sessions.
So here's that link again:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/special
This is FOR REAL. There are no catches. It's only ONE CENT to get
your first month of Power Sessions.
And by the way, you can cancel at any time. You're even able to take
care of that directly yourself, without having to depend on me or my
team to do the canceling.
Plus, I've added FIVE BONUSES to the mix if you ACT NOW. You'll see
them on the page linked to below. So this really is a no-brainer:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/special
But remember...this is only going to be live until TOMORROW NIGHT
around 9p Eastern Daylight Time.
And speaking of great questions from readers, let's hear from Jonah
in Johnstown...
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Scot:
Hey its Jonah here. Something that I've been wondering how to handle
when it comes up is what am I supposed to say if a girl asks how many
girlfriends have I had or why I don't currently have a girlfriend ?
...To be honest, I'm insecure about this subject because I have never
had a girlfriend,.... but I don't want girls that I take out to know
that because then they'll probably think "there must be something
wrong with this guy since no girls seem to want him. He hasn't even
had 1 girlfriend".
Granted I'm only 21, but still I'm sure you see my point. I don't
want to have to lie about this, and I don't want to be insecure about
it anymore, but I don't know how to handle it.
And it's not like I'm a loser because I feel like I'm a good catch,
but unfortunately I just haven't had any success so far. I would
appreciate any input on this.
Thank You,
Jonah (Johnstown, PA)
=====
Hello Jonah:
There are several ways to handle this, and I'll tell you straight up
that NONE of them are to get into a long, drawn-out discussion on the
matter.
That can't end well for anyone involved.
My answer of choice would be to say, with a smile:
"OK, I can see where you're going with this. Please rest-assured
that have always valued women and relationships with them. So it's
not like I've been anything close to a man-whore or anything.
Really."
Now take special care to word this general thought in a manner that
befits both your personality AND hers. That exact wording above may
not be what you specifically end up reaching for in the real world.
But assuming you get a similar point across, this response covers
several bases.
First, it calls out the "elephant in the room" regarding what she's
probably REALLY so worried about: Whether you've bagged a ton of
women before or not.
To be honest with you (and as I've addressed before in the
newsletter), you'd be flat-out shocked at how POSITIVE a lack of
sexual experience in particular can be to a young woman.
Now granted, having never actually had a girlfriend before may not be
quite as positive a thing to a woman.
After all, people do indeed "buy on the approval of others", and it's
not a stellar idea to indicate anything to the contrary...no matter
what your reasons are for not ever having a girlfriend just yet.
But with the response I just suggested, you also reframe the question
and redirect her thought process in a manner where that is likely not
to cross her mind AT ALL.
Also, such a response is likely to END THE DISCUSSION, isn't it?
It's very much a complete answer, especially if you're conversing
with someone you're just getting to know.
In fact, in the unlikely event that she drills-down with, "So...you've
at least had a girlfriend before, right?" a part of her will probably
feel silly for even asking.
At that point you simply gaze at her, raise one eyebrow and smile a
bit, then look away and laugh slightly--as if to demonstrate non-
verbally, "Look, I've answered you. And you're still asking
questions? This is getting a bit annoying, but you're kind of cute
when you're annoying."
Yes...you can say ALL THAT with one non-verbal sequence as described.
If you think she's playful enough to handle it, you may even be able
to get away with actually SAYING that last sentence in the thought
after returning to eye-contact with her.
Finally, the best part...the response I offered is TRUE (assuming,
of course, you're indeed a "Big Four" man who really does value women).
So no, you don't have to lie about anything. That's the way it
should be.
As for other possible ways to deal with such a scenario as you've
described, there are certainly other schools of thought.
One is to use the "reversal". This is where you essentially ask the
same question back to her, perhaps by simply saying, "You first."
The hope would be that she'd suddenly feel the discomfort of her
question and drop it.
But as I see it, there are two problems with going that route.
For starters, I don't ever advocate causing a woman discomfort in any
way. That's in clear violation of the "Big Four", right?
What's more, though, she may OBLIGE YOU...even perhaps with a very
detailed answer. Then it'll indeed be YOUR TURN. Whoops.
Another commonly-used strategy is to AVOID WOMEN'S QUESTIONS, made
famous by David D., et al. Basically, this would mean avoiding any
manner of addressing the question directly.
For example, if she asks, "How many girlfriends have you had?", you
might say, "None. Ever. [pause] Only boyfriends. I'm gay. But
you know [wry smile], for some reason I'm actually attracted to YOU."
Or you may say, "Counting you? Twenty-two thousand, six hundred and
seventy... [long pause, accompanied by a pensive look] ...five."
I'll tell you. Were you a guy who indeed HAS had tons of women, and
perhaps quite an unruly number of notches on his bedpost, this may in
fact be the preferred manner to proceed in.
After all, there's just flat-out no sanitary way to share what's
almost invariably an unsavory truth to most women.
And make no mistake: Answering that particular question you
encountered with any direct indication that you've dated A LOT of
women is ALMOST INVARIABLY a custom-made set up for the "How many
women have you slept with?" follow-up.
And for the most part, when women get a string of silly, indirect
answers to tough questions they usually figure out sooner than later
that they're better off NOT getting any different type of answer than
that.
That's to say that generally speaking they're ASSUMING BAD NEWS. (e.g.
You've slept with more women than Evel Knievel and Wilt Chamberlain
combined).
With that said, let's get back to YOUR situation.
Your experience is at the opposite end of the spectrum from Evel's
and Wilt's.
So why in the world would you want to avoid her question in a manner
that leaves her believing the OPPOSITE is true?
Nevertheless, I've in fact seen and heard of guys using that exact
tactic when they're actually not so experienced. Welcome to why the
"one size fits all" concept may be okay for rain parkas, but not so
much for relating to women.
Go for the truthful approach as I suggested up front, man...albeit
on a slimmed-down "need to know basis". No long stories.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you missed out on the big launch of Chick Whispering, no
worries. You can still check out the intro video and grab your copy
of the definitive new program on understanding and relating to women
right here:
http://www.chickwhispering.com
=====
IMPORTANT: IF YOU WANT TO ASK ME A QUESTION, find me on
Twitter.com @scotmckay and jump into the conversation with an
@message.
Seriously, finding me on Twitter is truly the best place to get in
touch with me.
Please note that due to sheer volume of messages I simply cannot
come close to answering every e-mail received...especially the
"life story" editions.
Guys who are Power Sessions members will continue to receive
unlimited e-mail coaching and will also continue to enjoy first
priority.
If you like what you read, please feel free to forward the
newsletter to others. Help a brother out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "How
To Deal With Breakups" for free. Or, just send a blank email to
"xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
Discussion Forum:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum)
We're Now The #1 Dating Experts On Twitter:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/twitter
(http://www.twitter.com/scotmckay/)
We're Also Now The #1 Dating Experts On Facebook, Too:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/facebook
(http://www.facebook.com/scotandemily)
Friend Us On MySpace:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/myspace
(http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y)
Pin Yourself On Frappr (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
www.frappr.com/xandy
(http://www.frappr.com/xandy)
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2009. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at:
Date:
IP: