[X&Y] Approching Women In DIFFICULT Situations (Part Two)
Published: Thu, 11/19/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Here are five more highly effective strategies
for meeting women even in the MOST CHALLENGING situations.
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HOW TO MEET A WOMAN...EVEN IN THE MOST CHALLENGING SITUATIONS YOU CAN
THINK OF (PART TWO)
Sometimes you encounter a woman you just have to meet. The thing
is the conditions aren't always going be optimal for getting the
job done, right?
So you have two choices...either use that as an excuse to wimp out
(that's the WRONG choice), or you man up and take EVERY OPPORTUNITY
to invite a potentially terrific woman into your life (which is the
CORRECT choice, right?)
Last time I gave you five examples of particularly challenging
scenarios like that and how exactly to handle them.
Feedback from you was GREAT on those, so here are the other five,
as promised:
1) You've Got Very Little Time To Work With
The modern world is a busy one, so the chances are actually better
than not that you'll have a VERY NARROW window of opportunity when
it's time to meet a woman.
Beyond spotting a woman walking the other way on a busy street or
on the train, like we talked about last time, you may notice a
woman while waiting in line. She may even be the one HELPING you
when it's your turn.
Or you may be finding your seat at a sports event, or running to
catch a plane at LAX.
Or you may be on a business lunch and see her at another table--when
you just can't justify time for anything more than excusing
yourself to the restroom.
The situation doesn't matter. The procedure is the same.
You approach the woman in plain view, and confidently (as in
audibly, without yelling) get her attention--even by just saying,
"Excuse me."
Remember the "Big Four" here. You'll come off as a MASCULINE man
who knows what he wants, and the fact that you're clearly a
CONFIDENT man is likely to ignite her femininity at the
core--immediately.
And because you are approaching her without startling her, you
demonstrate that you know how to make her FEEL SAFE in your
presence.
So how do you demonstrate CHARACTER when time is limited? That's
the most powerful part.
When you begin to speak to her you lead with EXACTLY WHY you don't
have time to talk, and that you're committed to what's going on
elsewhere.
For example, "I'm actually at lunch with a client right now and
only have a moment, but I wanted to meet you."
If it's flat-out OBVIOUS why you have no time, you only modify the
statement slightly: "Obviously, there's people in line behind me
and time is short."
Then you tell her your name, to which she'll likely respond with
hers.
Having established that there's no time to work with, you tell her
that it would be great to get her number so you can call her later
when things aren't so rushed / under more casual circumstances /
etc., at whichever time you tell her you will.
Importantly, DO NOT ASK HER for her number.
Confidently suggest she give it to you because you don't have time
to deal with her playing coy about it, and especially because your
leadership is far sexier to her than uncertainty or sheepishness.
You'll be amazed at how often this works for you. And even if it
doesn't, you won't have to live with the regret of having given up
before you even attempted to be successful.
2) She's With Friends
This is one that guys get completely crossed-up over, isn't it?
I think the BIGGEST MISTAKE we make when we want to meet a woman
who is with friends is that we single her out from the crowd too
early.
This comes off as self-serving and even a bit pushy. It's
anti-social no matter how you slice it.
Recall what I explained about the "Big Four" above. While it
takes inherent confidence to approach a group of women, it takes a
"Big Four" man to help EVERYONE in the group feel comfortable with
your presence.
So the idea here is to address everyone in the group, all while
making it OBVIOUS that your presence is TEMPORARY.
In other words, you don't want to come off as trying to encroach
upon their territory (presumably because you don't have any friends
of your own).
The best way, then, to do this right is to have a PURPOSE for
talking to them.
Brad Jackson's "Hiroshima" is a great example:
http://bit.ly/1w3Y9H
...but it's not the only one.
One time when we were doing a podcast that involved getting women's
thoughts on a particular topic, I approached a table full of women
and TOLD THEM (as opposed to asking demurely) that I VALUED THEIR
THOUGHTS regarding a certain question.
Then, with voice recorder in hand, I asked EACH WOMAN the question
and BANTERED WITH HER INDIVIDUALLY to the delight of the other
women each time.
I knew immediately when a woman was enjoying the conversation I was
having with her. After all, the whole point of approaching women
is to start a conversation, right?
I was already with Emily at the time, of course, but from there it
would have been easy to suggest that more conversation continue
later...and I bet the other women would have suggested that she "go
for it".
By the way, contrast this strategy with that of using a thinly
veiled "opinion opener".
3) She's With Her Mom
Meeting the parents is a high-stress event that by all rights
should take place sometime AFTER you've been out with a woman at
least a few times, correct?
Well, what if she's out with her Mom (or her Mom AND Dad!) when you
spot her?
For sure, you could adapt what I suggested above in the second
example to this situation as well (as you could for #4 below also,
by the way).
But I'm not an unreasonable man.
Asking you to boldly approach a woman who's sitting with her
parents is such high-end, advanced stuff that if you can pull
yourself together to do it you probably should be writing
newsletters yourself.
So hey, by all means if you want to position yourself so that you
can make eye contact with ONLY her and not the 'rents--and then give
her a look that says, "Hey, I'll meet you over there", then go for
it.
Or if you want to wait until she inevitably excuses herself to the
ladies' room, I understand. That could work for you also.
But guess what? Trying to AVOID the parents could actually end up
being more awkward than actually sacking up and APPROACHING.
See what I mean?
So...can you pull it together and actually APPROACH?
Here's how to make it way easier on yourself.
First, don't ASSUME what the relationships are.
Allow yourself the SLIGHTEST extra measure of "politeness" than you
might usually approach with (the woman will credit this to you as
"decorum", given her parents are around), excuse yourself for
interrupting them, and ASK how they know each other.
When it's established there REALLY ARE parents involved,
acknowledge that you figured that might be the case and introduce
yourself to BOTH (or all three).
Then...the magic starts. Briefly smile at the attractive woman with
the world's slightest expression of "watch this", and TALK TO THE
PARENT(S).
Explain that you realize they're spending family time together, but
that you couldn't help but notice that her/their daughter lights up
the room.
Next, turn and talk to the woman. Assure her, WITH A LIGHT LAUGH,
that you're the kind of man who knows how to respect a woman and
that you think her parents would approve of you, so you'd like to
speak to her later.
Then get her number.
And don't be surprised when her Mom (and maybe even her Dad also)
ENCOURAGE HER to go ahead.
I've personally watched this happen with breathtaking effect and
heard even more stories of similar results.
One time my own sister was approached by a waiter at a restaurant
with BOTH my Mom and Dad at the table (and even my little brother
was there, if I remember!)
I think my Mom STILL talks about how amazing that "movie moment"
was...even to her. I personally wasn't there, but I'd love to have
seen it.
Parents want the best for their daughters. You are NOT unwelcome
in their daughter's life unless you DESERVE not to be welcomed.
Might you encounter a psycho parent along the way? Perhaps. But
then again, you might encounter the world's most effective WING
instead.
4) She's With A Guy
In many ways, this can be even more potentially intimidating than
when a woman is with her parents.
But again, the secret is you don't have to commit to being
romantically interested in her right away.
The most overlooked strategy here--which should have been obvious
when you think about it--is to OBSERVE for a minute or so before
rushing in.
Yeah, yeah...I've heard of the "three second rule" before, and I know
why it's there. But this situation represents the EXCEPTION to the
rule, most definitely.
First off, look for wedding rings if you're in a position to do so
without being weird about it.
If they're married, back off. I'm not in the business of teaching
"Marriage Destroyer Game"(TM) here.
Next, watch the interaction between them.
What is their body language like? Is she showing the signs of
ATTRACTION that you've read about 100 times? Or are they clearly
presenting themselves as "business-like"?
Does he seem like "a brother to her"? Is "JBF Zone" written all
over this situation? If that's the case, he MIGHT be her
brother...which would actually be as good to know as if he's her
boyfriend or husband.
So as discussed in example #2 above, if it seems like the right
thing to do after a bit of "recon", approach with some purpose and
ASSUME they're boyfriend/girlfriend. That's the single best way
to get a bona-fide read on the situation REALLY FAST.
Blatant laughter with a quick note of correction on their part will
be a GREAT SIGN.
Watch carefully to see if one of the two is more adamant about
establishing that they're NOT a couple. If so, handle the OTHER
person with care.
In other words, if the woman looks hurt when the guy says they're
NOT a couple, you've got "politics" on your hand. If the other way
around, then HE may get a bit jealous if you proceed.
You've got to look alive out there.
But if there's no romantic intent at all, you may say to the man,
"And I was just about to congratulate you for being such a lucky
guy."
Then WAIT, and listen to what SHE says to that. Look for any
POSITIVE response to that, up to an including, "Nope. Some other
guy's going to have to be the lucky one."
Money.
5) She's Clearly Not In A Great State Of Mind
Women are emotional creatures, aren't they? Sometimes you'll see a
woman who's attractive for sure, but isn't exactly in a
happy-go-lucky mood at the moment.
This doesn't necessarily mean you have to abandon all hope of
meeting her.
If she simply looks slightly to moderately sad, peeved or
frustrated; you can approach her in plain view and say, "Hey...it
can't be that bad." Any other similar statement is fine.
The golden part of what happens next is that you'll be given
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about whether this is a high quality
woman or otherwise.
If she snaps at you, ignores you or treats you poorly in any other
way after you've clearly taken the lead to lighten things up for
her, then consider that a major plus...you've found out WAY EARLIER
than most guys would have that she's DEAD WRONG for you.
But on the other hand, what if you succeed at bringing a smile back
to her face?
Congratulations...you've just LED in a way that establishes an
AMAZING first impression of you in her mind. She'll tell that
story to every one of her friends.
And by the way, you'll have also set a rock solid precedent in the
relationship management department, assuming you'd like to keep her
around after your first date together.
Oh, and if she's STARK RAVING mad, berserk and/or crying her eyes
out? Stay away...at least until she has simmered down to "slightly
to moderately" emotional.
So there you have it. That's five more sticky scenarios that
you'll be better equipped to handle, should any of them apply the
next time you see a great woman you want to meet.
In the next newsletter, we'll elaborate more on how to deal with a
woman who's not in the best state of mind.
But here's the twist: We'll talk about how to make an AMAZING
IMPRESSION on her if she's ALREADY IN YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE, but
hasn't been out with you...YET.
You know, there's actually another situation that we've all as guys
been in before that truly CONFOUNDS even the guys with the best
game imaginable.
That is, of course, what to do when you're DRIVING and you see an
amazing woman in ANOTHER CAR.
Well, fortune is smiling upon you even as we speak.
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I'm also looking forward to the next time I write you...I think
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Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. The next episode of The Chick Whisperer is going to be
recorded TOMORROW afternoon. I'm stoked because my co-host is well
known but ALMOST NEVER does audio interviews.
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