[X&Y] Turn Female Friends Into More Than "Just Friends"...With This ONE SKILL
Published: Fri, 11/27/09
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IN THIS EDITION: When you learn this skill, you tend to turn
female friends into more than "just friends".
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TRUE STORIES OF MEN BLOWING IT BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN,
PART 735
Friday a week ago we hosted a dinner party. One of Emily's
attractive and single friends was there.
She told us she needed to leave by 10p because she had a first date
with a guy planned.
And let me tell you, she was EXCITED. She went on and on about how
HOT he was and what a great a time she anticipated having with him.
Fast forward to a few days later, when we saw her again at another
social gathering.
I asked her how her date went. She simply said, "It didn't."
So I invited her to elaborate.
"Well...he started sending me scary [read: "overtly sexual"] text
messages right before we were supposed to meet, so I didn't even
bother to show up. I'm soooo disappointed."
Let that sink in for a minute.
Here we had a guy who had not only successfully set up a first
meeting with a great woman, she was CLEARLY EXCITED about it.
Then in one fell swoop, he WRECKED IT. And make no mistake...HE
indeed messed EVERYTHING up for himself.
HE HAD TALKED HER OUT OF GOING OUT WITH HIM.
Women DO NOT think like we do. And if you have NO IDEA what she's
thinking, she's probably thinking, "Maybe not."
This very real story just serves to underscore why every bit of
information I share in Chick Whispering is so crucial:
http://bit.ly/1azvPd
Granted, maybe you're not talking women out of being excited to go
out with you as blatantly as illustrated above. But if you're
finding yourself asking "what happened?" more often than you're
MAKING THINGS HAPPEN, then I'd say it's time to click on this link:
http://bit.ly/1azvPd
And now, here's that MAGIC skill I've been promising to share with
you...
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JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE "FRIENDS FIRST" DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE DOOMED TO
BEING "JUST FRIENDS"
As part of a recent two-part series on meeting women in "challenging"
situations, I showed you how to meet women who aren't in the best
mood when you encounter them.
Today, as promised, I'm going to let you in on a powerful secret to
being the man who is suddenly--even out of nowhere, possibly--THE guy
who all the women in your social circle are somehow left thinking
about ALL THE TIME.
And like I alluded to previously, what I'm about to show you will
become even MORE POWERFUL to know when women are NOT in their best
frame of mind.
For it to work especially well in your favor, she can be a little
peeved, frustrated, scared or even sad. It doesn't matter.
What is this magic skill?
It's how to HOLD A WOMAN.
That's right. You've got to have SKILLS when it comes to hugging
women, basically.
Don't laugh. Because if this sounds like sissy stuff to you, we've
got work to do in the Chick Whispering department.
Here's the deal: In order to be the STANDOUT among all the other
guys in your social circle in the eyes of women you know, you've
GOT to be that ONE GUY who knows what it means to represent being
her "knight in shining armor".
I think you've heard about that one before. It's a fantasy that
ALL WOMEN play in their head over and over again.
And when does a woman feel like she could USE a "knight in shining
armor", anyway? You guessed it:
When she's "in distress". When things aren't going so well.
Fortunately for you, knowing how to HOLD A WOMAN will make you THAT
GUY SHE NEEDS on the spot.
And it's easy to learn, meaning you can access your newfound skill
ON DEMAND once you have it down.
So exactly why is knowing how to embrace a woman the key here?
First of all, as with all things related to women [Ed. note:
Yes...he said "all"] safety and security are #1 on her mind.
When you show up with masculine confidence, your ability to INSPIRE
CONFIDENCE in her is what separates the guys who succeed with women
from those who scare 'em all away. (Even literally...as discussed
above.)
And women who aren't having the best day WANT TO BE HELD...preferably
BY A MAN.
But not just ANY man. It has to be by a man who genuinely has her
best interest at heart.
Now if you're just trying to "get some" from women, don't expect to
be their "go to guy" when they need a hug. She'll see through that
100% of the time.
So that's the first step. Free yourself of any needy "agenda" with
regard to what actually getting to "touch her" might potentially
lead to.
By the way, welcome to a BIG PART of what women mean by
"emotionally available". They mean "emotionally aware" and "able
to express".
That's ALL they mean, too.
No "crying over flowers" or anything like that. They're referring
to a man who TAKES CHARGE and GETS IT whenever emotions are
considered.
When you know that a woman in your social circle is not having the
best day, you can simply position yourself in front of her, gaze
into her eyes and give her a compassionate look that shows you "get
it".
Incredibly, YOU DON'T USUALLY HAVE TO SAY A WORD.
When she looks back at you, all you do is open your arms...even just
a bit. And that's where it all starts.
Sure, sometimes you may find yourself asking, simply, "What's
wrong, [insert name here]?" If you INSPIRE CONFIDENCE as mentioned
above, she'll pour out her heart to you... at least some.
When she's done, THEN you open your arms to her.
And when you hold her, you hold her with one arm around her
shoulders and the other around the middle-to-lower part of her back.
Importantly...DO NOT PAT HER ON THE BACK as you hold her.
Psychologically speaking, when someone pats you on the back when
they hug you, it subcommunicates personal discomfort.
Think about it. The "bro hug" is invariably punctuated by big
slaps on the back. That's because we guys really aren't so into
hugging each other much, are we?
But the "pat on the back hug" also signals the same thing to women:
discomfort. And if she senses you are uncomfortable with
COMFORTING her, I think you can fill in the blanks. It's not going
to end well for either of you.
It's also important to remember not to concern yourself with
pressing your hips against hers or ANYTHING ELSE that's blatantly
sexual a move.
That said, hold her JUST A BIT more tightly than you might have
guessed was okay. Don't "bear hug" her, but serve notice to her
that this is a REAL HUG, not some mere "social grace" or whatever.
The last thing to remember is LET HER BE THE FIRST TO LET GO.
Don't shortchange her. Be PRESENT for as long as it takes.
And THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
From there, here's the magic: All you do is PAY ATTENTION.
Is SHE slapping YOU on the back? If so, be extra careful about not
coming off as sexually motivated just yet. It may not be that
she's uncomfortable with YOU, it may be that she's uncomfortable
with HUGGING YOU. See the difference?
So hold it together and LEAD. Again, wait for her to let go. If
she's NOT ENJOYING being held by you, she's either going to bail
early or bail before even embracing you. Think about it.
On the other hand, is she holding you EVEN MORE tightly than you
are holding her? Is she pressing her hips against yours of her own
accord?
If so, either or these is a TREMENDOUSLY POSITIVE sign that she
could be attracted.
At that point, you may wish to move your top hand to behind her
head and rest her on your shoulder. And YES...this is indeed a
bona-fide iteration of David D.'s notorious "kiss test". If you're
touching her hair, you could THEORETICALLY kiss her.
If she still holds on, keep holding on also...as directed.
If she holds her body even closer to yours about ten seconds into
the embrace, roll with it without flipping out. Again...keep your
composure and remain focused on comforting her.
And if all of those checkboxes have been marked, here's the final
coup de grace: WHEN you sense she's finally ready to let go, you
kiss her on the forehead as you part from the embrace.
She'll probably look you in the eye and smile. She might thank you
(which would say a lot about her character).
She MIGHT even go so far as to blatantly announce that you "give
great hugs" or even that "that was the BEST hug EVER".
But "Oh...wow" is still the reigning champion in my mind as far as
desired responses go.
And here's another thing...NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING it is to go for the
"kiss close" (as the PUA guys call it) at this point, DON'T.
You've come too far at this point to BLOW IT by turning this whole
moment in that direction.
As "Seven Habits" guru Stephen Covey once said, "The main thing is
to keep the main thing the main thing." And the main thing here,
at least for now, is to INSPIRE CONFIDENCE by comforting her.
After all, you've just successfully seared into her consciousness
that YOU are a MAN TO BE RECKONED WITH.
She WILL think about you constantly from now on, and she MAY even
fantasize about MARRYING YOU.
Sound extreme? I've lost count of the number of times I've heard a
woman say she knew a guy was "The One" from the moment they first
embraced.
And like I've said before, you may not be ready to get married just
yet and you're DARN SKIPPY not going to marry all the women you
meet.
But when you REPRESENT what quality women WANT in a great man, you
instantly become the CHOOSER instead of the CHASER.
And you'll be able to CHOOSE which women in your social circle
you'd like to spend more 1-on-1 quality time with if you know how
to hold a woman properly.
Listen, I get it. I know how much stuff like "escalating kino" and
giving women massive orgasms is drilled into your mind these days.
But knowing how to embrace a woman meaningfully is a "lost art".
And by "meaningful", I mean that it MEANS something TO HER.
And since what we're discussing here is a "lost art", a lot of us
are LOSING when it comes to women.
I challenge you to take what I've shared with you here, knowing
that NOBODY ELSE ON EARTH (or especially in the Seduction
Community) is coming at things from this perspective, and PUT IT TO
WORK for you.
If you do, I can assure you that you'll get an up close and
personal object lesson in the VAST difference between being a MAN
who is her "knight in shining armor" versus "just a friend" whose
shoulder she can cry on.
There's a big, BIG difference between starting out as friends with
women in your social circle and remaining "just friends".
And I just showed you a fantastically effective way to quarterback
which direction things move in.
Next time, we'll answer a letter from a guy who is wondering about
meeting women when they're at work. I realize this is a biggie for
a lot of guys, so we'll hit it head on.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Did you grab the latest episode of The Chick Whisperer yet
with co-host John Alanis, "The King Of Let 'Em Come To You"? If
not, grab it on iTunes:
http://bit.ly/73BHb
By the way, from now on if you leave a review on iTunes, I'll send
you a copy of either Deserve What You Want or Never Ever
Settle...your choice.
Just drop me a note at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com when you do, and
tell me which oneyou'd like.
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