[X&Y] Meeting Women When They're At Work
Published: Fri, 11/27/09
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IN THIS EDITION: Yes. It's "appropriate" to meet a woman at
work...as long as you go about it the right way.
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FRIENDS INTO LOVERS
You guys responded powerfully to that last weekly newsletter on how
to keep desirable women in your social circle from becoming "just a
friend".
So I thought about it, and figured it was time to introduce you to
my friend Jason Lane.
If you're on Power Sessions, you've already heard from Jason
recently on how to make sure the first kiss happens with women.
There was some GREAT content in that audio, for sure.
Well, as it turns out Jason's #1 specialty is turning women who are
your FRIENDS into LOVERS.
Here's the link to learn more:
http://bit.ly/7EBn2X
This is definitely the most detailed information I've seen on this
particular subject anywhere, so if you're getting the dreaded "Just
Be Friends" talk a little too often (and let's face it, ONCE is TOO
OFTEN) then here is the place to be:
http://bit.ly/7EBn2X
Be sure to check it out and let me know what you think. By the
way, I wouldn't have personally worded the first line of Jason's
Website like he did, but hey...you be the judge.
And now, let's figure out how to meet a woman when she's "on the
clock"...
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS: MEETING WOMEN WHEN THEY'RE AT WORK
Hey Scot,
There is a woman that I really want to meet. Well, in a way I have
already kind of met her.
This is the deal. She works in a retail capacity (not a clothing
store).
I've only been to the store she works at a couple of times but the
last two times she has helped me and we've carried on a short
conversation and I feel a huge spark of energy/attraction when we
are talking.
The last time I was at the store she made mention that she had an
"ex" and kind of signaled that she was single without really saying
it flat out.
So I wanted to get your opinion on how to get her number.
First off, is approaching a woman at her workplace inappropriate? I
really have no other idea on how I would talk to this girl outside
of her work since that is the only time I have seen her.
And since the store she works at is usually very busy I do not want
start having a conversation with her and then try to pull her aside
since I noticed that her supervisor is usually within a couple of
feet from her and I don't want to maybe get her in trouble if she
is seen fraternizing at work you know what I mean?
Anyway man, any advice you could give me would be greatly
appreciated and I want to say thank you in advance for your time
and effort.
Barry (Rancho Cucamonga, CA)
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Hello Barry:
YES...you absolutely, positively CAN meet a woman when she's
working.
Yours is a great question because approaching a woman in her
workplace is something guys tend to worry about WAY more than is
warranted.
Sometimes we're concerned about getting her in trouble, other times
we get the sneaking feeling that she's a "hired gun" and is
therefore quite possibly just being "nice" and/or flirting with us
for that reason.
Here's my take on that.
Interestingly, and perhaps contrary to "conventional wisdom", if
anything I've noticed that women sometimes SUPPRESS signs of
attraction when at work rather than vice-versa.
When you think about your concern for getting her in trouble this
makes perfect sense, because some bosses (especially in retail or
food service) really can be a bit "heavy handed" due to low-grade
egotism, jealousy toward the attention you're giving the woman,
etc.
But the opposite scenario, where the woman is falsely projecting
attraction, is a lot less common than most guys assume. In fact,
it's rare.
Only in very specific situations where "flirting" is part of the
decorum of the establishment do you ever have to second-guess
yourself at all here AT ALL.
But overall, I'm telling you...women are "comfort seeking creatures"
and they generally won't sacrifice personal dignity for a better
tip.
In the end, most guys use assumptions about "hired guns" as an
excuse to--you guessed it--FAIL TO DEPLOY.
In my experience, I've come to realize that women will respond to
"big four" leadership with a very certain behavioral pattern,
regardless of circumstances...including when they're on the clock.
In other words, they'll smile a little longer, stick around in
conversations a little longer, and drop subtle hints like unto what
you've noticed.
Trust your instincts in these situations, and don't psych yourself
out. Regardless of what you've been told, you can be every bit as
"intuitive" as any woman if you allow yourself to be. Your "gut
feelings" are just as reliable.
So how do you get the "heavy lifting" done here?
If you sense her nearby boss is a threat to the situation for
either of you, simply get the attention of the woman you're
interested in and ask her to help you with something in another
corner of the store.
If that appears to be unworkable because of the size of the
establishment or because her boss "hovers", SEND HER BOSS to the
back to check on something for you or on some other distracting
task.
Then you proceed as I mentioned in the recent two-part newsletter
on meeting women in difficult situations. You assume there's VERY
LITTLE time to work with.
This respects her time no matter what...whether she's actually busy
or not.
Tell the woman you acknowledge that time is short, and you'd like
to continue the conversation with her later. Tell her to give you
her number, and tell her when you'll call her so she can have some
idea of when to pick up the phone.
When you see signs of attraction like you mentioned there is NO
NEED for games (as if there ever really is, right?)
She likes you, so all she really needs to know is what to expect.
That way you improve your OWN chances of not getting her voicemail.
From there, she's a red-blooded woman like every other (as she has
been all along, right?) Sweep her off her feet.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. As it turns out, Barry is on active duty with the U.S. Armed
Forces and has recently returned from deployment in Iraq.
As a measure of thanks to all who voluntarily put themselves in
harm's way in service to their country, I've got a special Military
Discount for all active duty servicemen AND veterans.
Drop me a note at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com if interested,
including what capacity you're serving and/or have served in. I'd
love to hear from you.
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