[X&Y] Reader Questions And Comments
Published: Thu, 01/07/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
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IN THIS EDITION: Having read the last newsletter, a reader
writes in with an excellent question about contradictions between
various teachings on "adoring" women.
Where IS the fine line between "appreciation" and "worship",
=====
IN THIS EDITION: Having read the last newsletter, a reader
writes in with an excellent question about contradictions between
various teachings on "adoring" women.
Where IS the fine line between "appreciation" and "worship",
anyway?
=====
SPEAKING OF "PUTTING WOMEN ON PEDESTALS"...
You'll recall, of course, that last time we talked about the "hidden"
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SPEAKING OF "PUTTING WOMEN ON PEDESTALS"...
You'll recall, of course, that last time we talked about the "hidden"
dangers of placing women on a pedestal...ESPECIALLY as soon
as you first meet her.
Well today I've got TWO DIFFERENT follow-up items for you.
First of all, I think we can all agree that the #1 outward symptom
of "pedestal-itis" has GOT to be "trying too hard", aka "chasing" a
woman.
Face it, when a lot of us as guys pre-qualify a woman as somehow
"perfect", we STOP AT NOTHING to have the chance even to sniff
Well today I've got TWO DIFFERENT follow-up items for you.
First of all, I think we can all agree that the #1 outward symptom
of "pedestal-itis" has GOT to be "trying too hard", aka "chasing" a
woman.
Face it, when a lot of us as guys pre-qualify a woman as somehow
"perfect", we STOP AT NOTHING to have the chance even to sniff
her perfume.
Repeat these words with me: "Not good."
Well, as fortune would have it, here's a KILLER new video that will
show you one REALLY, REALLY GOOD WAY to make sure the
Repeat these words with me: "Not good."
Well, as fortune would have it, here's a KILLER new video that will
show you one REALLY, REALLY GOOD WAY to make sure the
tables get flipped on that old, tired notion...FINALLY.
That's right, some of you have been asking for more on being the
"chooser" vs. the "chaser", and one of my good friends has your
back just like I do.
Best of all, the video won't cost you a dime to watch:
http://bit.ly/64F9YX
I have to tell you, the guy behind this video is probably the ONLY
guy out there doing pickup bootcamps whose work I can honestly
recommend to you.
Not only does this guy respect women AND the guys he teaches
That's right, some of you have been asking for more on being the
"chooser" vs. the "chaser", and one of my good friends has your
back just like I do.
Best of all, the video won't cost you a dime to watch:
http://bit.ly/64F9YX
I have to tell you, the guy behind this video is probably the ONLY
guy out there doing pickup bootcamps whose work I can honestly
recommend to you.
Not only does this guy respect women AND the guys he teaches
how to meet them, he's got the TRACK RECORD to back it up.
He consistently dates the kind of women most guys only dream of
...the type who appear on magazine covers.
So if you're stone-cold SICK of "chasing" women, and would like to
be the PRIZE yourself instead once and for all, then I'd STRONGLY
SUGGEST taking a few minutes out to watch this:
http://bit.ly/64F9YX
I'm actually going to be hanging out with this guy this weekend,
along with about 25 other world-class "dating guru" types. I'll
have more info on the results of this "clandestine meeting" next
week, after all the dust clears...
And now, here's that second follow-up item on "pedestal-itis" for
you...
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
OK Scot:
I see some conflicting recommendations here in the world of dating
advice. Is seems like your darned if you do, and darned if you
don't.
A. Women like to be put on a pedestal, to feel adored.
So if you're stone-cold SICK of "chasing" women, and would like to
be the PRIZE yourself instead once and for all, then I'd STRONGLY
SUGGEST taking a few minutes out to watch this:
http://bit.ly/64F9YX
I'm actually going to be hanging out with this guy this weekend,
along with about 25 other world-class "dating guru" types. I'll
have more info on the results of this "clandestine meeting" next
week, after all the dust clears...
And now, here's that second follow-up item on "pedestal-itis" for
you...
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
OK Scot:
I see some conflicting recommendations here in the world of dating
advice. Is seems like your darned if you do, and darned if you
don't.
A. Women like to be put on a pedestal, to feel adored.
B. NEVER put a woman on a pedestal because they'll think that
they're above you and you'll lose attraction - falling into the
friend zone.
And...
A. A woman needs to know that she's the only one for you.
B. Never let a woman think that you only have eyes for her. Make
her think you're seeing other women.
AND...
A. Play hard to get and she'll chase you down.
B. Play hard to get and she'll think you're not interested, or
she'll feel inadequate, or even be hurt and will never trust you
again, sort of like cheating on her and expecting her to just
AND...
A. Play hard to get and she'll chase you down.
B. Play hard to get and she'll think you're not interested, or
she'll feel inadequate, or even be hurt and will never trust you
again, sort of like cheating on her and expecting her to just
forget about it.
Scot, these three things seem to be sticking points.
If I am with a woman who finds me attractive, she already knows
that other women will too. I don't need to throw it in her face,
right.
I personally feel that I can let a woman feel that she COULD BE
Scot, these three things seem to be sticking points.
If I am with a woman who finds me attractive, she already knows
that other women will too. I don't need to throw it in her face,
right.
I personally feel that I can let a woman feel that she COULD BE
the only one for me, or that I can adore her, and let her feel that
joy of being seen as wonderful and special.
And I can treat her heart and esteem with respect by not playing
hard to get, because I am always ready to draw the line regarding
how I allow her to treat me.
I am a man, and I am quick to put a stop to anyone who starts to
cross the line, but I just don't like to hurt people for the sake
of gaining control.
I don't want them to stay because they fear I'll go away, I want
them to want to stay because they are happy that I want them to
stay.
Maybe for the one night stand guys getting that control is fine,
but to me, what the heck kind of a way to live is that?!
And if a woman needs to be treated that way, what kind of
And I can treat her heart and esteem with respect by not playing
hard to get, because I am always ready to draw the line regarding
how I allow her to treat me.
I am a man, and I am quick to put a stop to anyone who starts to
cross the line, but I just don't like to hurt people for the sake
of gaining control.
I don't want them to stay because they fear I'll go away, I want
them to want to stay because they are happy that I want them to
stay.
Maybe for the one night stand guys getting that control is fine,
but to me, what the heck kind of a way to live is that?!
And if a woman needs to be treated that way, what kind of
woman is she anyway?
I really enjoy treating women, and my friends in general, very
well.
But if they do something to indicate that they see me as coming
from a place of weakness, my conduct will let them know that I
I really enjoy treating women, and my friends in general, very
well.
But if they do something to indicate that they see me as coming
from a place of weakness, my conduct will let them know that I
am not, and that they have one chance to knock it off and treat
me with the respect that I give them, or I am gone.
Plus, I have found that to be honest with my feelings is a great
way to see what a person is made of. Life is all about testing
limits to find and establish the true balance of a relationship.
That's OK, but when a person shows that they're looking to use
Plus, I have found that to be honest with my feelings is a great
way to see what a person is made of. Life is all about testing
limits to find and establish the true balance of a relationship.
That's OK, but when a person shows that they're looking to use
me rather than testing limits with the purpose of making the
relationship the best it can be, then those are the ones that I
walk away from - women or friends in general.
I'll bring in playing sports as an example; when the game starts,
you need to throw a few elbows here and there just to show the
other team that they'd better respect you because you're there to
win and aren't a pushover.
So, I do understand that ultimately it could be in everyone's best
interest to play a few games in the beginning, not just show your
hand right off the bat.
It's important to keep things from getting out of control and
heading in the wrong direction, to set parameters, tell others how
to treat you, see what the person is made of, and to just plain
take it slow and build a foundation.
Then, if everything indicates that there's something worthwhile
happening, there will be something substantial to build the rest of
the relationship on from there.
By the way, I plan on sending you some comments on the Leading
relationship the best it can be, then those are the ones that I
walk away from - women or friends in general.
I'll bring in playing sports as an example; when the game starts,
you need to throw a few elbows here and there just to show the
other team that they'd better respect you because you're there to
win and aren't a pushover.
So, I do understand that ultimately it could be in everyone's best
interest to play a few games in the beginning, not just show your
hand right off the bat.
It's important to keep things from getting out of control and
heading in the wrong direction, to set parameters, tell others how
to treat you, see what the person is made of, and to just plain
take it slow and build a foundation.
Then, if everything indicates that there's something worthwhile
happening, there will be something substantial to build the rest of
the relationship on from there.
By the way, I plan on sending you some comments on the Leading
Man soon. WOW!
Take care,
Frank (White Plains, NY)
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Hello Frank, and thanks for writing
You bring up some excellent points that are very well thought
through. And I trust it won't surprise you to hear that I
essentially agree with everything you've said. (Well, except
Take care,
Frank (White Plains, NY)
=====
Hello Frank, and thanks for writing
You bring up some excellent points that are very well thought
through. And I trust it won't surprise you to hear that I
essentially agree with everything you've said. (Well, except
maybe the part about "playing games" being necessary at
times.)
And as such, I think there's a rather disarmingly simple solution
to your dilemma about the apparent contradictions between the
various types of advice you've read about the idea of "adoring"
women.
Mostly, the point is not to pre-approve or go 'ga-ga' over a woman
you DON'T or BARELY know.
Once you have CHOSEN her from a pool of many options,
And as such, I think there's a rather disarmingly simple solution
to your dilemma about the apparent contradictions between the
various types of advice you've read about the idea of "adoring"
women.
Mostly, the point is not to pre-approve or go 'ga-ga' over a woman
you DON'T or BARELY know.
Once you have CHOSEN her from a pool of many options,
however, then she has earned your very real adoration.
You see, it's DESPERATE, NEEDY and PUSHY men who are
You see, it's DESPERATE, NEEDY and PUSHY men who are
likely to suffer from real, live, full-blown "pedestal-itis". And women
can smell it a mile away, believe me.
In fact, the thought pattern that races through a woman's mind when
guys who don't even know her fawn over her goes something like
In fact, the thought pattern that races through a woman's mind when
guys who don't even know her fawn over her goes something like
this:
"If he's already so convinced he needs me in his life WITHOUT
"If he's already so convinced he needs me in his life WITHOUT
EVEN KNOWING WHO I AM yet, then he's probably never going to
respect me for anything more than my outward appearance. What I
REALLY need is a man who sees me as more than a pretty face
and has the wherewithal to discover the depth of what I can offer in
addition to that."
No kidding. This goes WAY, WAY beyond her simply thinking guys
No kidding. This goes WAY, WAY beyond her simply thinking guys
who suffer from "pedestal-itis" aren't in her league. There's real,
live LOGIC behind the disgust she feels.
Think about it. Put the shoe on the other foot for a quick second.
Let's say you're a multi-gazillionaire. And when you drive up to a
club in your Bentley, women flock to your car before you even get
out.
(Listen, I fully realize that even that is a long shot...but bear
with me for the sake of illustration.)
Would you SERIOUSLY consider for a minute that ANY of those
live LOGIC behind the disgust she feels.
Think about it. Put the shoe on the other foot for a quick second.
Let's say you're a multi-gazillionaire. And when you drive up to a
club in your Bentley, women flock to your car before you even get
out.
(Listen, I fully realize that even that is a long shot...but bear
with me for the sake of illustration.)
Would you SERIOUSLY consider for a minute that ANY of those
women are ready to build a relationship of any real DEPTH with
you?
Can they possibly value YOU apart from the dollar signs by your
name?
Sure, all that unqualified female attention may sound nice...at first.
But if you WERE in fact a multi-gazillionaire, my educated guess is
that you would start spraying your milk-bone underwear with GOLD
DIGGER REPELLANT every morning of your life...sooner than later.
Ever see "Coming To America" with Eddie Murphy? If so, you get
Sure, all that unqualified female attention may sound nice...at first.
But if you WERE in fact a multi-gazillionaire, my educated guess is
that you would start spraying your milk-bone underwear with GOLD
DIGGER REPELLANT every morning of your life...sooner than later.
Ever see "Coming To America" with Eddie Murphy? If so, you get
my drift. You'd want a woman who "stimulates your mind as well as
your loins".
So likewise, guys who put women on pedestals EARLY and OFTEN
your loins".
So likewise, guys who put women on pedestals EARLY and OFTEN
are the ones who LOSE.
And by "lose", I mean they not only lose out on the pretty women
themselves, they lose out on having any relationship of DEPTH in
their lives.
Women have a LOT more to offer than just sex and the social proof
that being your "arm candy" gives you. 'Nuff said.
But as a man who DOESN'T suffer from "pedestal-itis", if you
approach a woman who you find attractive you can even go so far as
to tell her so...but only IF you are a man who has OPTIONS, and you
have every intention of EVALUATING any woman you meet fully
And by "lose", I mean they not only lose out on the pretty women
themselves, they lose out on having any relationship of DEPTH in
their lives.
Women have a LOT more to offer than just sex and the social proof
that being your "arm candy" gives you. 'Nuff said.
But as a man who DOESN'T suffer from "pedestal-itis", if you
approach a woman who you find attractive you can even go so far as
to tell her so...but only IF you are a man who has OPTIONS, and you
have every intention of EVALUATING any woman you meet fully
before deciding to go exclusive with her, let alone make any long-
term plans with her.
Yes, you can bet your bottom dollar that women love to be
appreciated for their beauty.
But that alone isn't anything NEW, EXCITING or...wait for
it...CONFIDENCE INSPIRING to a truly high quality woman.
A high quality woman is literally ROCKED to her CORE by a man
Yes, you can bet your bottom dollar that women love to be
appreciated for their beauty.
But that alone isn't anything NEW, EXCITING or...wait for
it...CONFIDENCE INSPIRING to a truly high quality woman.
A high quality woman is literally ROCKED to her CORE by a man
who has enough CHARACTER to not only step up to the plate and
swing for the fence (by even approaching her), but who also tests
and approves her to make sure she has the "whole package" before
making any commitments to her.
That's what REALLY makes her feel "appreciated"...in the most
meaningful sense.
As for being "hard to catch", you SHOULD BE. It must not be an
act.
Yes, you've got to be honest with a woman about your intentions to
take things slow at first.
You've got to value exclusivity VERY highly, and not just jump into
those sort of relationships...and TELL HER that's how you view
things.
In the interim, until you decide to go exclusive with her (or
anyone else, for that matter), you absolutely, positively should be
meeting as many women as you can.
Then you remain a man of your word.
And when she rises to become the woman you favor the most--by
far--she'll KNOW it. Probably even before you ask her to be your
steady girlfriend.
She'll KNOW it because you had CHOICES. And you CHOSE her.
Meanwhile, CHASERS will never have a snowball's chance in
That's what REALLY makes her feel "appreciated"...in the most
meaningful sense.
As for being "hard to catch", you SHOULD BE. It must not be an
act.
Yes, you've got to be honest with a woman about your intentions to
take things slow at first.
You've got to value exclusivity VERY highly, and not just jump into
those sort of relationships...and TELL HER that's how you view
things.
In the interim, until you decide to go exclusive with her (or
anyone else, for that matter), you absolutely, positively should be
meeting as many women as you can.
Then you remain a man of your word.
And when she rises to become the woman you favor the most--by
far--she'll KNOW it. Probably even before you ask her to be your
steady girlfriend.
She'll KNOW it because you had CHOICES. And you CHOSE her.
Meanwhile, CHASERS will never have a snowball's chance in
Yuma, AZ of conveying that kind of SECURITY to a woman.
At that point, yes...you can proceed to reassure her every day of
your life that she's the one for you. She'll know that she EARNED
it.
And by all means, for your part DON'T EVER CHANGE.
At that point, yes...you can proceed to reassure her every day of
your life that she's the one for you. She'll know that she EARNED
it.
And by all means, for your part DON'T EVER CHANGE.
Perpetually be the "Big Four" man who truly DESERVES her also.
Now finally, bear in mind that even then you should NEVER make a
woman your core "ambition". Your life purpose APART from her
always has to be #1 or she'll be very uncomfortable with the role of
Now finally, bear in mind that even then you should NEVER make a
woman your core "ambition". Your life purpose APART from her
always has to be #1 or she'll be very uncomfortable with the role of
"supporting" you--even if emotionally rather than materially.
There's no safety and security in that for her, because SHE would
represent the masculine goals and PLAN you're supposed to have
There's no safety and security in that for her, because SHE would
represent the masculine goals and PLAN you're supposed to have
that are actually meant to FREE her from any concern in that area.
Once again, the "Big Four" man rules...as always.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. It looks like Frank is really tearing apart The Leading Man
Once again, the "Big Four" man rules...as always.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. It looks like Frank is really tearing apart The Leading Man
and getting into it. And he's well on his way to managing
relationships with quality women like a true champion.
Are you ready to become a man who has that kind of irresistibly
attractive personal power...especially in the eyes of great
relationships with quality women like a true champion.
Are you ready to become a man who has that kind of irresistibly
attractive personal power...especially in the eyes of great
women?
If so, The Leading Man has your name written all over it. And
right now, it's $50 OFF the launch price. Here's the link to find
out all about it (including the information on those great bonuses
I've added):
http://bit.ly/4RQMvl
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
http://bit.ly/ohBdR
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
If so, The Leading Man has your name written all over it. And
right now, it's $50 OFF the launch price. Here's the link to find
out all about it (including the information on those great bonuses
I've added):
http://bit.ly/4RQMvl
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
http://bit.ly/ohBdR
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.